I know a few Pakistanis who 'self exiled' to Canada after being involved in massive corruption in Pakistan and never had to work for their life in Canada.
Should I generalize?
To be honest I do think it was corruption, I don't know much about my fathers background other then he was involved in getting government contracts (building roads and basic infrastructure). All I know is things went sour and he had a business visa to Canada.
On the topic of generalization jahalat is visible and rampant in Pakistan is it not?
The backstabbing exists everywhere, but because our culture is more conservative, a bigger deal is made out of things.
You said that the last you "heard" was that she was married to her cousin. Are you 100% sure about the accuracy of this information?
In the post above, you talk about her being raped by her cousin. If she's accepted her marriage and has decided to reciprocate/make the relationship work.....then that would be an assumption on your part (especially if she's never complained to you about it).
Now, let's say that you know with absolute certainty (from talking with her) that she's miserable in her marriage and that despite her efforts things are not working out with her husband........would you consider talking to her about giving it another shot? If she wants to remain in her marriage...then of course, this wouldn't apply. Maybe it's wishful thinking on my part, I'm just curious.
I'm a 100% sure she is now married. The only reason I see Aisha marrying her cousin is to not lose what little her family has given her. You think she just magically fell in love with her cousin? From what she told me about her extended family was that they were fundamentalists to the bone, she told me how her chaachi called her a kanjiri behind her back to family because she was studying abroad.
Her family has cut her communications, I have no way of talking to her. I think her family would rather kill her then let her be with me.
To be honest I do think it was corruption, I don't know much about my fathers background other then he was involved in getting government contracts (building roads and basic infrastructure). All I know is things went sour and he had a business visa to Canada.
On the topic of generalization jahalat is visible and rampant in Pakistan is it not?
Not saying that it was corruption. Just saying that you don't paint the whole community in a certain way because of a few people.
Yes, what you call 'jahalat' and what they call 'culture' is visible and rampant in Pakistan.
What's done is done. She's married, let's not dwell on what could've happened.
The only thing I'd say to you is don't give up on all Pakistanis. Yeah, we have our flaws and we have classic movie villain dads, but that doesn't mean that there isn't a lot of good there as well.
I doubt I'll be able to get back with her. But why shouldn't one dwell on what could've happened? Is their not something to learn? or are people who who get abused just meant to be forgotten like the scores of women across Pakistan?
I doubt I'll be able to get back with her. But why shouldn't one dwell on what could've happened? Is their not something to learn? or are people who who get abused just meant to be forgotten like the scores of women across Pakistan?
Reflecting on past experiences to learn lessons is good.....but if it's preventing one from moving forward and seeing the positive in others/situations....then not so much. You can miss out on the present and future if overdone.
^Like what apple cinnamon pie??. Canadaa bro is in pain. He has lost Aisha…and ironic enough..the first girl that i liked in Vancouver..her name was Aisha too..
um..when you are learning about Islam, patience is the key and so is practicing that patience.
Kind of notoriety your family holds in Pakistani community, i would strongly suggest you to dig it. may be your dad was wrong. we should always do what human do....and that is to help each other.
ps. dont mind it but story was kind a like "khooda pahar, nikla chooha"
I’m sorry canaada what you are going through. I really will pray for you and aisha. Have you tried contacting her mutual friends again, do they support you? Maybe you can find one mutual friend who contacts aisha, and just make sure if she’s ok now, if she’s in physical harm and wants to escape, maybe you can contact singaporean authorities . its terrible what’s happened to her and it’s not your fault. I was engaged before and it was broken and now im with someone my parents wouldn’t approve of, he’s not pakistani thye don’t know but i will tell them after I finish studying. I’m a bit scared they might cut off my contact with him, but they can’t force me to marry anyone as I live in the UK, i can call the authorities if anything happens.
So jahalat is culture? Culture was prevalent in Pakistan before mullahs and religious hypocrisy became the norm.
The specific issues you are raising (back biting, gossiping, involving oneself too much into others' affairs) is pretty much culture. We share it with Indians, Bengalis, and even a few east Asian nations and we had it before 80s. Religion only adds spice to it.
I can see similar things happening in a conservative Indian Hindu family as it happened to Aisha. You judge that as 'jahalat' and they judge you as 'beghairat' and don't want their 'izzat' being married to a guy with lots of baggage.
To be honest with you, I would also have a lot of issues if a proposal like your's came for my daughter and investigations revealed colorful past and suspicious family background. Beating her and forcing her to marry someone else is not what I would do though.
The friends I knew were all foreign students at the university, only two of her friends resided in Pakistan, Aisha's communications with these friends are limited. I've asked them many times to forward my message to her but they've yet to tell her. The friends do support me but also don't want to be overly involved in something like this, I guess they don't want to get dragged into this mess. She's no longer in physical harm but I imagine the emotional harm has continued. She wasn't a Singaporean citizen she was there on a student visa; I doubt I can convince the authorities as I have little to no evidence other than word of mouth from trusted people who I know do not want to get involved in such a serious matter.
I do realize it’s not my fault, but I could've done something to change the outcome, I should've been able to read her and what she was trying to tell me. She was shy; she had never been in a relationship like this before. I should've been more helpful, or I wish I could've learned how to better approach such a situation.
Be careful; if you do like him and know you are ready to be with him, stay with him. If you know your family well enough to know that they will not allow this, but know this is what you need and want then stay. But take what I say with a grain of salt, many guys (including me when I was a selfish hound) would coerce girls by trying to pit them against their parents or authority figure, it usually worked. Don't get married forcefully, a good friend of mine was forced to marry a girl he didn't have feelings for, a year after the marriage they had a child and got a divorce a few months apart; now that child will face a hard life, and the life of two adults is in ruin.
Goodluck with your endeavors, I hope whatever happens for the best.
