Okay so I have this friend who asked me the wierdest thing…
There was this guy back home that her parents wanted her to marry (a far relative) she liked the guy at one point but decided against it she claims partially due to family politics and partially due to him being in Pakistan and the oldest son of a large family and she didnt want to handle all that.
So then she finds this guys here and marries him…the guys is an average guy. She started having issues w/ him. from what she told me they seemed like newly wed issues.. that most people go through… I did anyway.. but she lived w/ her decision..
Recently te guy she was supposed to marry came to America and she has been in contact w/ him. She thinks her childhood infatuation was love. She is convinced that he loves her this much too, but wont openly admit it.. his actionshowever scream of thier love.
Abb masla yeh hai key she wants to persue it, but feels guilty for her current husband who is really trying to live up to her expectations.
I think miss-cheat-on-her-husband should get a grip and do whatever she would honestly want her husband to do to her if he were in a situation like this.
I think your friends needs to perhaps do some serious thinking on this issue. The guy from Pakistan might love her, but she's not sure of it, so she's going to go ahead and persue it without even knowing for sure if he loves her or not? Does she love him? Or is she just content with the fact that he gives her so much importance and attention that she might not be getting from her husband?
Stuff happens throughout life, but when you take a big step as marriage, then you should be committed to it too unless you are in an unhealthy situation. Her husband is currently trying to make things work, why can't she do the same? She should give her marriage a chance. As you said they are newlywed and there are problems here and there but you have to work them out together, it's not a one sided issue. On another note, her husband was also her choice, and from that it seems she's quite undecisive and unsure of the choices that she makes. Who's to say that she won't have complications with the guy from Pakistan, if she goes ahead and persues it? Things have a way of going around and coming around.
Islamically she should be committed to her husband, divorce is frowned by Allah (SWT) unless there are some major problems that cannot be solved out. Love is not everything, there are more things to marriage than just love.
PA ... she never cheated on him.. although I dont agree with what she is planning.. we have to understand life isnt black or white.. there is some gray.
Sehar baj.. completely agree with you...she doesnt seem to understand..I dont think she realizes that she can turn around when the she takes a step..
She should have waited to get married until she had gotten over whatever feelings she had for this guy, anyway what reasons does she have for loving him more than her husband?
counselling may help her though..... one can have crushes and a particular inclination towards someone even after marriage but that really doesnt mean to break up with your husband and run after guys even if you know them well from your past.... islamically it is considered as betrayel too.
May Allah guide your friend, keep on your efforts to convince your friend towrds the right way ~MuNiYa~, good luck :)
I dont think its so much that she loves the other guy.. obviously she confused on what love is.. being a married gal.. I would never entertain the thought of being w/ anyone else.. this is one side of the coin then I think goddd she must really be feeling something strong to admit feelings for someone else to me...
I think it has to do w/ the fact that through her teenage years her and the paki guy was really close, so close that the family kinda expected this to happen... and the guy now is doing better then herself and hubby... maybe its regret...
I know you all mean well lekin I know her personally and its so hard to takes sides; soo frustrating.. URGHHHH iss kuri ney baas naakh mey daam kiya howa hai..
Anyways I sent her this link...
keep the advise coming..
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*Originally posted by ~MuNiYa~: *
PA ... she never cheated on him.. although I dont agree with what she is planning.. we have to understand life isnt black or white.. there is some gray.
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It's not only when you get sexual extra-maritally that you cheat.
When you say she's met Mr. lover-boy and is contemplating a course of action which might lead to her ditching hubby-soon-to-be-dumpee I say it's cheating. Unless poor Mr. dun-know-what-goes-on-when-i'm-gone knows of her meetings with this guy AND his role in her life.
It's not only when you get sexual extra-maritally that you cheat.
When you say she's met Mr. lover-boy and is contemplating a course of action which might lead to her ditching hubby-soon-to-be-dumpee I say it's cheating. Unless poor Mr. dun-know-what-goes-on-when-i'm-gone knows of her meetings with this guy AND his role in her life.
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well either he is a fool or a great man to know that his wife is having doubts about their marriage and is maybe in love with someone else.
She wants to pursue this guy, she should end her marriage first and then go for this guy. right now she is not being honest to anyone else, herself, her husband or the other guy.
her husband is in a limbo based on what she would decide, this other guy is in limbo because what she would decide, while little miss "I dont know what the hell do I want" is being this selfish.
*>>>She wants to pursue this guy, she should end her marriage first and then go for this guy. right now she is not being honest to anyone else, herself, her husband or the other guy. *
And when you divorce women, and they have come to the end of their
waiting period, hinder them not from marrying other men if they have agreed
with each other in a fair manner. (2: 232)
...but do not make a secret contract with them except in honourable
terms, nor resolve on the tie of marriage till the term prescribed is
fulfilled. (2:235)
The Prophet said,
"A believer is a brother of a believer. Hence it is not lawful for him
to bargain upon the bargain of a brother, nor propose for (the hand of
a girl) after the marriage proposal of his brother, until the latter
(voluntarily) withdraws the proposal."
Imam Abu Hanifa, Imam Shafi'i, and Imam Malik, all hold the view that
it is a sin to put a proposal of marriage against the proposal of
another Muslim brother.
The following below is regarding proposals to women that are NOT yet
married, therefore ones that are married it is definitely haram to
propose to them:
If a person has proposed marriage to a woman, it is not permitted for
anyone else to offer a proposal to her, because of the hadeeth of Ibn
‘Umar (may Allaah be pleased with him) which states that the Prophet
(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No man should offer
a proposal of marriage over the proposal of his brother until the first
one gives up or gives him permission.†(Reported by al-Bukhaari,
4746).
based on the above points, its wrong for this other guy to pursue her while she is married, its wrong for her to pursue him while she is married. She should either stick with her husband, or end her marriage and pursue this guy.
This wishy washiness shows extreme immaturity, insensitivity, lack of courage and selfishness on her part
wow, not only she seems immature and indecisive but she's playing with two lives. I don't think there is much advice for a person who is consciously hurting her significant other as well as indulging in her fling.
God! talk about throwing out morals/ethics down the drain. Ah well, she'll be treated the same if she persues, there is always such a thing as divine justice. Wait'n'see.
Wow that is the most replusive statment i have ever heard.
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I think you misunderstood the point here. I didnt mean financially, I man better off personally.. she is having problems w/ the inlaws and she thinks that she wouldnthave these issues with the guy from pak.
whatever she needs to do, she needs to do quick. This is not something affecting only her, this other guy as well as her poor husband are all being affected by this.
If her husband is not right for her, she should end it, regardless of whether or not the other guy is right. Keeping her current husband as backup or this other guy as backup while she and her family try to figure out what she wants is extremely selfish.
