the problem isn't just the money and who it belongs to... there are 2 issues. one is that NJM's husband is bad at managing money and yet he wants her to fork over her savings when she seems to be the disciplined one. if I were her, I would be concerned too especially since it seems like she is better equipped to manage money than him.
the second issue is the trust factor. it should be a matter of concern if there is so much distrust/lack of communication even after 10 years of marriage. the finances should be open for both partners. both ppl should set their financial goals as a team and then work towards them together.
NJMasti, sorry man, don't have a solution for you. but you seem like a really nice and sensible person. hope things work out for you soon.
ps. where're the bloody smilies. gs has become really complicated to work. goddamn these complicated websites. I wanted to add that flower smiley only if I could find it... argh...