i don't know. looks like so much to deal with. but also you've been with him for so long. lagta hai voh tumhare nas naas meh samaiawa he.
HI Toffee,
read your thread and trust me it really made me feel you pain. I really understand your position. And therefore am going to give you advice which may come out as harsh but I'm only being honest.
If a guy even before getting married to you is already threatening to call off teh wedding..you may wana rethink your decision to marry him. Time before the wedding is so sensitive that both guy and the girl and their respective families are extra cautious towards each other becasue any little mistunderstanding can lead towards disastrous results as time before the wedding is hectic for the families.
In your situation you have not even married the guy yet and he is already treating you the way you mentioend he was. Threatening to call off the wedding is the least responsible thing he can do. If he's threatening to call it off and treating you like this before the wedding ( when he should be scared of losing you because you can call off the wedding), you can judge how he would treat you after he's married to you.
I would strongly recommend you rethink your decision to marry him. I know you might probably think that you have invested 5 years in this relationship and as you mentioned really stood up to marry this guy and convinced your family for this guy. But you have to think can you spend your 50+ years of your life with him? with a guy who's giving you so much attitude and treating you like he does not care for you. He can play the same game with you for the rest of your life of caling/breaking the wedding off. You are lucky that you found out on time his real face. Take the right step. Pray to ALLAH to show you the right step and give you guidance as to what to do.
Your family will be very supportive if you decide to call off the wedding because of his behaviour but please dont take any steps or make decisions in a haste or under emotional pressure.
Re: loosing hope
instead of losing hope...its simple to just lose him.
on a serious note...u need to have a 1-to-1 with him. let out all your fears...let him know what you think and feel..regarding him and this relationship...that should work as a make/break point. if he is sincere and really wants this relationship to flourish then he'll mend his ways...his thinking and attitude towards you n this relationship...if not then he is not the one for you. you are only engaged and not married so realistically no real damage is done. you cannot wait for the worse to happen to take extreme steps. talk to him...that is the only possible way to let this thing settle and rest. some times a good and strong decision is just a step away...its our indecisiveness that makes it look like finding a needle in the haystack.
Re: loosing hope
i have read your story, and to be realistic and experienced, i would request you to kindly give it a 2nd thought. as the boy seems very irresposible and c as far as the girls' issue is concerned, don't live in an imaginative world. if he remains the same after marriage and then u question he will say that it all was very clear to you bfor marriage.
the other things is that you have spent a lot of time and dear the more you spend time with the other person, the more u start knowing him in reality. as bfor engagement most of the boys focus on laying as impression and the normal short duration is usually a-make-believe world. this is for sure the reality and i m giving you the right advics. though, breaking this relation is not the only sloution. make many things clear to him. talk openly, tell him about all ur thoughts and apprehensions based on the provided information by him. kindly don't look for the love you have for him, as it's still not late. i haven't read even a single thing from him which shows that he has love for u. the actions which he does are expected from any relation. ur parents will never shun u away, but think abt the future with him in the way as can b forcasted in the light of stated facts.
although it seems impossible to break now but think abt the worst which can happen............ it seems as u r justifying him a lot. after all both of u have 2 make a family and a resposible partner is a must!
Re: loosing hope
i have read your story, and to be realistic and experienced, i would request you to kindly give it a 2nd thought. as the boy seems very irresposible and c as far as the girls' issue is concerned, don't live in an imaginative world. if he remains the same after marriage and then u question he will say that it all was very clear to you bfor marriage.
the other things is that you have spent a lot of time and dear the more you spend time with the other person, the more u start knowing him in reality. as bfor engagement most of the boys focus on laying as impression and the normal short duration is usually a-make-believe world. this is for sure the reality and i m giving you the right advics. though, breaking this relation is not the only sloution. make many things clear to him. talk openly, tell him about all ur thoughts and apprehensions based on the provided information by him. kindly don't look for the love you have for him, as it's still not late. i haven't read even a single thing from him which shows that he has love for u. the actions which he does are expected from any relation. ur parents will never shun u away, but think abt the future with him in the way as can b forcasted in the light of stated facts.
although it seems impossible to break now but think abt the worst which can happen............ it seems as u r justifying him a lot. after all both of u have 2 make a family and a resposible partner is a must!