i need advice.. opinions.. enlighten me with your experiences and advises please.
i have been in a relationship for past 5 years and after struggling so much and so many arguments and obstacles by my family i finally made our engagement happen, alhamdulilah im very happy. its been almost a yr and a half to our engagement. now were to get marrried in March inshallah…
before the engagement period he used to presurize me alot on getting into engagment.. some times he would go as far as threatning to breaking up this relationship to push me to force my parents.
after engagement i m happy but its been a rollacoaster ride.. hes a nice guy but hes miss treated me and also a times broken my trust by flirting with other women about which i later on discover and when i question him.. he says its over.. it was just timepass.
i let go of these things and many more.. prolly cuz i really really love him.
my parents had hard time accepting him and his family for wat ever reasons. i know they have miss treated him various times and hes felt like hes been humiliated and he took it out on me as welll. when it came to marriage he wanted to get married in august but it was too early for my dad he said january and then turns out that its moharram in end dec so nuthing till feb.
my sister has exams in feb and it will be unfair to her if i get married since she wont be able to be a part of my wedding preparations.. so when finally decided on march.
now everyone knowz were getting married in march and i m soo looking fwd to it. but i dont see him happy, hes in alot of pressure adn due to this recession time his finances are tight. he lives with his family in a 2 bedroom apt and he uses his hall as his bedroom since he didnt wana saperate from the family. now hes asking me to do the same but somehow i dont feel that it is rite to do so.
hes working very hard but hes never saved nything for our marriage and when ever i argued he said he’ll arraneg everything and now when its time hes unable to do nything. i understadn his position but im not happy getting married like this. i dont want all the luxuries of a marriage but i do want a nice wedding.
i spoke to him now and he said if i cant adjust we should call it off.
i was shocked im hurt. i duno what to say. ive tried so hard to make this work.. given so much up to make it happen.. let down so many ppl and relationships to live up to this one.. and it did not take him a minute to break it.
hes a nice guy, im sure he loves me but i know he loves him self even more.. prolly according to him hes gving more to this relaionship than i am.
should i still push to get married in march and give in? (im not at all looking into calling this enaggement off)
hun, u need to weigh up all his good and bad points, and ask ur self if his really worth it, u know him more then anyone, ask ur self if you can grow old with this person, lov aside can u two people work together....
btw he sleeps in his hall and he expects you to sleep there too?
Why don't you guys give it more time until he is financially independent to an extent? Trust me, sometimes just giving things time really brings into light many more issues - and eventually problems either get solved if its meant to be or they don't if its not meant to be.
Also, why dont you do istikaara? Ask Allah for guidance and what's best for you in this world and the hereafter.
Next time he says, "If you can't do this...let's break up" or "if you can't do that, let's end things", you better say OKAY. How can you even think there is another option?
It's been 6.5 years with him - before marriage and you sound quite worn out by the obstacles so far. You really really need time off him for a while. Break up temporarily or go on a vacation or just take some time off away from him. It'll help you realise what it is you want - him or no him.
You've been with the guy before marriage too long...usually relationships (unless both are mature enough to handle it) get stale if the dating period extends that long.
I dont think he is ready for marriage. If he plans on having his newlywed bride sleep in the hallway of his apartment, then he needs to think twice. I think you're right in expecting him to be a little more financially responsible. Everyone - men and women - need to consider the future and how they plan on making it happen for themselves.
If he says he wants to call it off...let him. The man needs to appreciate what he has before he gets it.
1- You cannot understand him being too much confused and under pressure. There is nothing to suggest he is not under pressure himself since he has limited resources. I am sure he wants to have a great wedding but may not be able to afford.
Many men marry in bad financial situations and eventually become very strong financially and cherish the dedication from their wives during difficult times all their lives. Many people I know lived in an apartment and then eventually own a villa.
2- He may be interested in someone else and he is telling you to break off but you are still clinging to him. Its not possible that someone just expect a new wife to sleep in hallway. He is just looking for ways to make you so disgusted that you leave him and he has no emotional regrets. He will satisfy himself by saying to himself: Oh well, She did not want to sacrifice.
3- He needs a strong person to be with him. And you seem not to be one and emotionally very nice and caring but not strong enough. Besides love and care, some men also like strong women in their lives.
*Just tell him you are not going to leave him for any reason but only if he really likes someone else. *
Wait to get married and tell him its not because of his financial reasons but his other emotional stress. If you waited that long then why not wait for a few months more?
Keep your options open however and do not get too much sucked in to situation.
Nothing can be disastrous than two people married with too many emotional disturbances and negativism.
1- You cannot understand him being too much confused and under pressure. There is nothing to suggest he is not under pressure himself since he has limited resources. I am sure he wants to have a great wedding but may not be able to afford.
Many men marry in bad financial situations and eventually become very strong financially and cherish the dedication from their wives during difficult times all their lives. Many people I know lived in an apartment and then eventually own a villa.
2- He may be interested in someone else and he is telling you to break off but you are still clinging to him. Its not possible that someone just expect a new wife to sleep in hallway. He is just looking for ways to make you so disgusted that you leave him and he has no emotional regrets. He will satisfy himself by saying to himself: Oh well, She did not want to sacrifice.
3- He needs a strong person to be with him. And you seem not to be one and emotionally very nice and caring but not strong enough. Besides love and care, some men also like strong women in their lives.
Just tell him you are not going to leave him for any reason but only if he really likes someone else.
Wait to get married and tell him its not because of his financial reasons but his other emotional stress. If you waited that long then why not wait for a few months more?
Keep your options open however and do not get too much sucked in to situation.
Nothing can be disastrous than two people married with too many emotional disturbances and negativism.
Good luck.
Finally, a man is a man enough to admit this. I have a feeling this is exactly what your 'man' is trying to tell you!
i think you need to start talking immediately to ure parents and find out exactly why they didnt like this guy or his family... dont get me wrong.. i myself had a love marriage but i also hold my parents, especially my dad's opinion in high regard.. if just once he had said.. beta this guy isnt right for you.. i have a feeling... i woulda ended it right there. thats cuz i KNOW my parents have always done the best for me nad have allowed me a free hand to make my decisions.. with their guidance .
start communicating with ure folks .. who knows.. maybe you will be able to relate to their feelings about him...
i dont like this guy ... always always listen to ure gut ... baad mein nahi dekha jatha.. jo kerna hai , abhi kerlo.
As Sid mentioned why dun u do an Istikhaara? Although u guys r engaged already. Its never too late to ask for Allah's guidance. That way if he is not the right person for u then Allah will automatically make a way out for u & him from this situation & will also give u the will & patience to handle it.
He don't know the meaning of the word responsibility and you girl should not get married to him if you are having any doubts about the kind of guy he really is. Dating someone and marriage are two completely different things many guys change. He seems very selfish.