Girl! You need to realize that ONLY YOU are in LOVE. Sorry to be so blunt, but him telling you about the hallway and other girls as timepass stuff... believe me, he is doing YOU a big favor by letting you BREAK this relationship.
I say run away from this relationship. In the long run - it's not going anywhere. It seems he is half hearted. If he is not interested now, then there are so many other emotional roller coasters in life that - you will always be the one to sacrifice. He will always, run from HIS responsibilities, and tell you - I had already TOLD YOU if you don't wanna put up with me then call it off...
(P.S. Most of us guppies have something to say in the "How to get over someone" thread - please join us there!)
I know the last thing you want to hear is "break the engagement". But everytime I come across a post like this, I think to myself: What would I tell my sister? If this was my little sister, what would I do? I would drag her far away from this man, kicking and screaming.
He passes time with other women NOW, he will be bringing them home later. He has no problem breaking the engagement with you, wants you to sleep in the hallway, has no plans for the future, is not responsible, does not love you as much as you love him, is not financially stable, flirts with other women, etc etc etc.
This is not a quality relationship. I think you're just trying to make it work because of all the hard work you have put into him. You dont want it all to be a waste and for nothing. Its okay, Allah swt will give you better. Everyone says that but they say it because its true. This guy is not The One for you.
hey all.. thank you very much to all of you ... for you opinions.
i have been thinking about all this and have come across these viewpoints. but im looking at it as:
hes in a bad situation rite now.. he is in need of support. alot of you suggested he is not interested.. i think hes giving his interests and all to his business..
which he has just started.. and due to the financial crunch things have got critical .. he has loans and all his money is invested into this business.. i mean as guys you could understand how his situation would be if he has a wedding cming up and a hell lot of responsibilities to takecare of. i think hes scared i think hes stressed and worried.
hes been a gud guy to me. for all these years.. hes loved me too much and taken care of everything i need .alhamduliah i never had complaints for all these years jsuta a few times when he was a little dishonest with me. and i think all these things and other awkward situations arised bcuz of the amount of tiem it took our relationship to be accepted. it frustrated him and me as well the only difference was that he had other pppl influencing his decision and his actions but i kept my self away from eevryone so that i can always stay in love and save this relationship from breaking apart..
he called this morning.. and apologised.. im actually not keeping well from a few days and he got me medicine.. early morning.. so tht i haev it.. i usually avoid tking medicines and he makes me take them.
and said he'll do wat i want.. and keep things the way they make me happy..
he doesnt want to saperate from his family... his parents and says his brother and his brothers wife will move out but i want to live with dad and mom.
i guess im having cold feet.. i duno.. wats wrongg.. i know hes the rite guy but i am SCARED!
i have worked very hard to keep this relationship. and i dont want to mess it..
^ I completely agree.
I know the last thing you want to hear is "break the engagement". But everytime I come across a post like this, I think to myself: What would I tell my sister? If this was my little sister, what would I do? I would drag her far away from this man, kicking and screaming.
He passes time with other women NOW, he will be bringing them home later. He has no problem breaking the engagement with you, wants you to sleep in the hallway, has no plans for the future, is not responsible, does not love you as much as you love him, is not financially stable, flirts with other women, etc etc etc.
This is not a quality relationship. I think you're just trying to make it work because of all the hard work you have put into him. You dont want it all to be a waste and for nothing. Its okay, Allah swt will give you better. Everyone says that but they say it because its true. This guy is not The One for you.
i suggested him with this but he says he needs me... he wants me to be there.. with him and now he cant stay like this alone everywhr..
^ I completely agree.
I know the last thing you want to hear is "break the engagement". But everytime I come across a post like this, I think to myself: What would I tell my sister? If this was my little sister, what would I do? I would drag her far away from this man, kicking and screaming.
He passes time with other women NOW, he will be bringing them home later. He has no problem breaking the engagement with you, wants you to sleep in the hallway, has no plans for the future, is not responsible, does not love you as much as you love him, is not financially stable, flirts with other women, etc etc etc.
This is not a quality relationship. I think you're just trying to make it work because of all the hard work you have put into him. You dont want it all to be a waste and for nothing. Its okay, Allah swt will give you better. Everyone says that but they say it because its true. This guy is not The One for you.
Why don't you guys give it more time until he is financially independent to an extent? Trust me, sometimes just giving things time really brings into light many more issues - and eventually problems either get solved if its meant to be or they don't if its not meant to be.
Also, why dont you do istikaara? Ask Allah for guidance and what's best for you in this world and the hereafter.
i dont think 2 and 3 r possible for rite now.. he fools around but nuthing very serious!
Many scenarios:
1- You cannot understand him being too much confused and under pressure. There is nothing to suggest he is not under pressure himself since he has limited resources. I am sure he wants to have a great wedding but may not be able to afford.
Many men marry in bad financial situations and eventually become very strong financially and cherish the dedication from their wives during difficult times all their lives. Many people I know lived in an apartment and then eventually own a villa.
2- He may be interested in someone else and he is telling you to break off but you are still clinging to him. Its not possible that someone just expect a new wife to sleep in hallway. He is just looking for ways to make you so disgusted that you leave him and he has no emotional regrets. He will satisfy himself by saying to himself: Oh well, She did not want to sacrifice.
3- He needs a strong person to be with him. And you seem not to be one and emotionally very nice and caring but not strong enough. Besides love and care, some men also like strong women in their lives.
*Just tell him you are not going to leave him for any reason but only if he really likes someone else. *
Wait to get married and tell him its not because of his financial reasons but his other emotional stress. If you waited that long then why not wait for a few months more?
Keep your options open however and do not get too much sucked in to situation.
Nothing can be disastrous than two people married with too many emotional disturbances and negativism.
i m sorry toffeee but fooling around IS fooling ard. there are no serious or non serious types. i think hes just a sweet talker...might love u a lot but not enough to stay faithfull with u?
Here's the thing: You definitely want this relationship to work, that's why you are even "covering" up his "mistakes" of "timepass" issue - that he won't do it again and it was nothing serious. I agree with the above post - he might just be a sweet talker.
Does he really need you? You need to find out more from him. He gave you the medicine - very nice gesture - only a darling would do... but sometimes small nice gestures is what keeps us from letting go of that person. Don't be his fool.
Toffeeeeee. Sister U r exactly going through the same thing my younger sister went through. Alhumdulillah she is over with it now.
U sound so much like my sister that its kinda scary.
First of all again I m gonna ask u to DO Istikhara. Its not that hard or anything any one who knows how to read namaz can do it.
And ask yrself these questions? Is it because of the fact that u have been in a long relationship that the thought of breaking it makes u sick. By that I mean sometimes we girls get under this pressure that we can't break it because its been so long my family knows his family knows. How will I be able to start over again. He was the one he should be always be the one? behan doesn't it bother u that it doesn't matter to him that much as he had suggested about the break up part?
Getting married is not a joke. Its a lifetime commitment. As someone mentioned later on u dun want him to be like "mai ne kaha, soch lo, blah blah"
Abt those little caring details. C'mon u have been with him for more than 5 yrs now.
Although I m no one to judge but this is how I see him.
A guy who is with a girl. Yeah she loves him & he knows that. He is taking everything for granted. He loves her too but is too immature to take responsibility that comes with relationships & I dun blame him. Some people take time to grow up & I mean girls too.
I m gonna ask u a third time. Talk to him straight up. Tell him we should do Istikhara & then being neutral ask Allah to guide u & make u guys closer if its good for u both or separate u guys if that's whats good in the long run. Either way Allah will make a way that things will eventually start working out.
What does yr family have to say abt this? Any sisters? siblings? that dun like him or have a different opinion about him. Sometimes we love someone so much that we end up overlooking the bad. T
ry to see the situation with someone else's eyes. Every time u read namaz ask Allah to give u the ability to judge between good & bad. InshaAllah things will be fine in no time. Best of luck.
Sweetheart lose him. He really honestly puts himself before you and thats not a relationship.You have the oppurtinity to leave him ... and obviously he has given you the permissin to "call it off".He sounds like he thinks that life revolves around him but SURPRISE it dosnt.
Best of luck
P.S. toffeee: The title of your post already says that you have no hope... you are loosing out. You know it from your heart. Let your heart rule. Leave him.
When you're in love...you dont the bad...you only see good. Thats why you ask someone else...someone who isnt in love with him to tell you if what you're doing is right or wrong.
There is a reason why many people say love is blind.
Toffeee, I think there is nothing wrong in delaying the marriage.
You will get some time to think about it and he will get his finances under control assuming he is really acting this way due to financial crisis. Which I doubt. Hope I am wrong in my assumption.
Even if he is acting due to financial reason, do you think after marrying he or you both will never have any problem??? What will he be like then?
I know the last thing you want to hear is "break the engagement". But everytime I come across a post like this, I think to myself: What would I tell my sister? If this was my little sister, what would I do? I would drag her far away from this man, kicking and screaming.
He passes time with other women NOW, he will be bringing them home later. He has no problem breaking the engagement with you, wants you to sleep in the hallway, has no plans for the future, is not responsible, does not love you as much as you love him, is not financially stable, flirts with other women, etc etc etc.
This is not a quality relationship. I think you're just trying to make it work because of all the hard work you have put into him. You dont want it all to be a waste and for nothing. Its okay, Allah swt will give you better. Everyone says that but they say it because its true. This guy is not The One for you.
My experience tells me the same.. When u get out of it then you will realized all the negatives in this guy. Right now, ur blind folded... Your story is exactly like someone i know. After marriage, her hubby continue to flirt secretly... He reminds me of some1.. no, he does not love you more than you love him.. It is so much better not to marry a person who you have doubts about... Allah has given us big hearts.. Just be merciful to yourself.. give yourself more priority than him. In long run, your gonna regret marrying him.. Think practical.... People i know has called off 7years of relationship. He is sick and tired of you thats why he was emotionally black mailing you..Think about how much sacrifices and compromises u might have to do.... He is not a responsible guy... I am sorry to tell you that ur a weak girl.. Your scared that you wont be able to survive without him as ur so used to him and he knows that.... You think he is ur world. Trust me honey, after your shadi, this guy will be exposed.. Once a CHEATER IS ALWAYS A CHEATER.. flirting is cheating..... I hope you try to change this guy rather than accepting him the way he is..... Lastly, you know this guy better than me... You probably have a big heart to forgive him and not suspect him in future... its alright.. just focus on urself.
Hey I totally agree with her..... You gotta listen to PSquared.....