Re: Looking for advice
Miranda,
I was in your position 15 years ago, excepting that my husband and planned to live in the US or Canada. I am an American married into an upper middle class military family, and I also converted several years before marriage - not that it made any difference to anyone.
Islamabad is a very safe place - if I was going to live in Pakistan that is where I would reside. There are many foreigners there, and even a foreign wives club- PM me if you would like more information about it.
That said - how well do you know his parents? Will you be living in a joint family? If so - you are definitely in for some interesting times. There will be people who will gossip about you and try to cause problems between you and your husband for fun. Even if your in-laws are supportive, there will occasionally be huge cultural misunderstandings that will cause all hell to break loose, usually around the birth of your children, or other major family events. No matter how "Pakistani" you become, you will always be an outsider to many in the family.
Is your husband a religious man? In my experience, and I have many friends who are also in mixed-marriages with Pakistani men, the marriages work best when the husband is religious. He knows what everyone's rights are, and is less prepared to deny his wife's rights because his parents say so. When we were first married my mother in law told me that I have to request her permission even to call my parents, (we didn't even live in the same country), and that it was my religious duty. Don't get me started on the bizarre requests I've had since then, all in the name of religion. If you are used to attending prayers at the masjid, you can forget it once you get to Pakistan, as most women do not have the opportunity to go to the masjid, except to Shah Faisal, and that is primarily as a tourist attraction.
That said - make sure that you are well prepared if you decide to move, and that you have an "out" if you need one. If there are any conditions that you have prior to moving, such as having your own home, or the right of divorce, make sure that they are written into your nikkah contract. Also, if you agree that you will fly back to the States every year or whatever, I would put that in writing as well. I don't mean to sound negative, these marriages can be wonderful, or they can be horrible, best is to go into it knowing what to expect and then have a positive attitude through it all - and a great sense of humor helps as well :)
