Looking for advice

Lifestyle Relationships
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Re: Looking for advice

People will always talk and backbite what they don't understand, don't feel like you have to prove yourself to people just because your a westerner and of different skin color, aslong as your husband and his family are supportive of you, etc, etc. all these fears you have will be dismissed in next to no time.

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Re: Looking for advice

It's just a cultural thing mhensley. Pakistan can be very male dominated in some respects like women praying at the masjid.

I think your fears are normal and justified. I am sure any girl born and raised in the west who has not spent that much time in Pakistan would have the same fears as you. My guess is that life in Pakistan will have its pluses and negatives. I don't know how easy it is to make genuine friends there given how crafty people can be. :( You might want to PM Amna for the foreign wives club information. :D

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Re: Looking for advice

BTW will your family be joining you should the wedding go through in Pakistan?

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Re: Looking for advice

Amana- I would love more info on the foreign wives club, but I am unable to send you a message (I have not yet written enough posts)

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Re: Looking for advice

No, I seriously doubt my family would join in the wedding in Pak. Needless to say, my family isn't supportive of this issue. But I don't care. To me a marriage is not about the wedding. If we did marry we'd probably do a small ceremony in a mosque here and invite close friends. Then, his parents said they would give us a small wedding there.

bobby's thread
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Re: Looking for advice

Why are you generalizing Pakistanis? I have found some foreign born and raised desi women to be more crafty, considering they were raised by mamas who crafted their way out of Pakistan, away from their inlaws. :grumpy:

What about you? Will you settle in Pakistan if you ever met a guy from there?

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Re: Looking for advice

Your thread reminded me of a blog I used to read a while back. Same situation as yours. She kept a blog while she was living in Pakistan and it was full of everydaylife information!
I tried googling it and eventually did find the blog. Unfortunately though, it seems like she has deleted all her entries she wrote in Pakistan. She has moved back to the US now.
I’m going to send you the link to it anywayz. Maybe you can contact her online and ask for first hand information/experiences?!

http://chaiandapplepie.typepad.com/chaipie/

Good luck

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Re: Looking for advice

pakistan is culturally orientated, rather than religion orientated....

good luck!

BRIDAL PICS.
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Re: Looking for advice

pakistan is culturally orientated, rather than religion orientated....

good luck!

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Re: Looking for advice

^^ aaaishaaa, samajh nahi aaya, aik dafa phir se batao

Janu Jia's avatar
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Re: Looking for advice

Somethings are true Ashley, including how crafty people in Pakistan can be. :smiley:

I would rather live here than settle in Pakistan. Khair, who knows what the future holds.

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Re: Looking for advice

How will you ever get married with this kind of mentality?

And why settle in Canada? what happened to your ambition of globe trotting?

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Re: Looking for advice

I think your goals are admirable and I wish you all the best. Actually, I wouldnt mind going over there myself with my family. I'm much the same, an american gori married to a desi and I admire the way of life over there very much.

One bit of advice I'd like to offer is make sure you deliver any children in the US. They will then automatically be citizens of the US and this can be a real plus for them and for you.

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Re: Looking for advice

mhensley :blush:
salaam!
i am french convert, and know quite a bit of pashtoon culture! spent some time in peshawar, have friends there, and my future husband is also pashtoon!
wh don’t women go to masjid? cause you may know that pashton culture is a segregated society! it means man and women are appart in public places!

for example there are separate sections for men and women with children in weddings or other soial events, in traditional pashtoon culture…cause most women hide their faces from public views…
in traditional families, like the one of my loved one, women live in heart of house, and guest, if males, only enter reception area in front of house, and NEVER interact with females of the house. They never talk with male outside family…and this would be considered as an insult to the family reputation. A nice women is expected to keep her hair covered even inside house i front of other family members…except strist intimacy of husband/wife room, or female only meetings!

all of this may not be that strict in your husband family…it’s really up to them, but it’s the traditional background and as a western lady, segregation btw male and females is the most difficult part, because in west we do not make difference btw genders, we go to sshool together, work together, are friends together…and that seem innocent to us! BUT to them it’s NOT! being with a stranger male is suspicious, and a big shame! you should be aware of it…and be ready to dump all male friendship as soon as you enter pakistan, for the sake of your inlaws reputation.

finaly as a nice pakistani friend told me recently: it’s easy for us in west to go to pak once a while, cause it’s not expensive for us…BUT if we wer in pakistan, we would not be so free

Whats the worst injury you ever had..
Whats the worst injury you ever had..
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Re: Looking for advice

well nowhere is 100% safe…not even in america! especially not in ghettos right?

there are places not to go…and places where you can go…
in NWFP guards in front of guest houses keep big guns…
in peshawar it’s quite safe, apart from some areas, but your family can tell you where not to go!
in villages, well nobody would know you’re western anyway! ;)(cause full face cover is MANDATORY, chaddar, or burqa ) and some areas are dangerous, really…but if you stay in big cities, it’s ok…except during earthquakes
maybe traffic is one of most dangerous thing!:bummer: trucks can drive like real mad guys:bummer:
I did not encounter stares, scrutinity, rude comments…my blond hair was covered under chaddar, as my body:D, and i was never alone.
i know there is an old married lady in my boyfriend neighborhood.

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Re: Looking for advice

"A nice women is expected to keep her hair covered even inside house i front of other family members..."

What is teh reasoning behind that?? Sharam is one thing but that's just really stupid and extreme, to be covering everything in front of your family..

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Re: Looking for advice

First off did you convert to islam for him?

and why do you love him if you are afraid of Pakistan? I mean considering the situation his family is total Pakistani expect you to go back home and learn the customs etc. Now you are freaking out if you loved him you should have loved each and every single thing about him..

you dont love by picking and chosing few things about them :~)

GS UNION...........
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Re: Looking for advice

Miranda,
please check your private messages for a blog link that I sent to you. It is very insightful and will tell you lots about the dynamics of family relationships.

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Re: Looking for advice

The most important thing that will make your life easy in Peshawer is that you should learn and speak the local language, whether it is Pushtu or Hinko.
I know western ladies settled there who speak the language blend in with out any trouble.

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Re: Looking for advice

best advice
language is very important if you want to settle in NWFP.Majority of people dont speak urdu(although they may know it).
People in frontier prefer to use their owm native language so Its a must thing to learn.