my cousin just got engaged, i’m really happy for her, but at the same time im real scared about the huge gap in between. just wanna have an idea of how many of u guys know people who were engaged a long time and survived it. ne personal experiences would really help, as she’s a first timer and has no experience in this field.
yeah... my bros engaged, its been a year so far... i think its a good way of testing their commitment... well thats not the reason why they got engaged...
i know of quite a few friends and family members whove been engaged for years and years and have been arrite in the end :) its just security you know...
how long are they planning on waiting?
Know quite a few with long engagements. I think one of my bhai's is gonna have a long one too, insha'Allah.
They usually seem to work out fine, from what I have seen. Although I think shorter ones are best.
well my cuz will be engaged for about a year. so its not as long as two years but its still real long u know. and they live on two opposite ends of the country. by the way if they were to do nikkah do ne of u know, if they have to have ruksathi right away? just wondering
na.. the rukhsathi can be done whenever... i know of a few people whove had their nikkah... and then done the ruksathi at a later stage.. cus they had to organise the papers to come overseas and stuff..
my bros going to have a pretty long engagement too.. prob another 2-3 years.. lekin they prefer it that way... so its all good :) and his fiance is all the way in Pakistan
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sadzzz: *
na.. the rukhsathi can be done whenever... i know of a few people whove had their nikkah... and then done the ruksathi at a later stage.. cus they had to organise the papers to come overseas and stuff..
my bros going to have a pretty long engagement too.. prob another 2-3 years.. lekin they prefer it that way... so its all good :) and his fiance is all the way in Pakistan
[/QUOTE]
hmmmmmmmmm i guess it makes sense if ur wife/husnad is in pak and is filling papers, that would come under majbori though. so r u sure that if there is no majbori they can still do that? just making sure.
yeah it happens all the time in pakistan... i mean with the nikkah u r legally married... but you just dont live together..
in pakistan some families have the nikkah for their kids when they are younger.. and then are are older and stable have the ruksathi...
Happens all the time . A friend of mine got married last week, and you know nikah and No ruksati..and right now i'm watching her photos ..:D
by the way..what do you ppl thing key engagement kitni lambi honi chahyee ?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by sac: *
Happens all the time . A friend of mine got married last week, and you know nikah and No ruksati..and right now i'm watching her photos ..:D
by the way..what do you ppl thing key engagement kitni lambi honi chahyee ?
[/QUOTE]
six months at the most. personally i don't really agree with engagements. i think baath paaki hogayi tho bus hona chaye. that way too many people dont make a big fuss about it if it breaks. u know how the desi mouth moves. and for some weird reason kids now days think that engagement is like some islamically legal contract that they can do a little more than they did before.
well i think engagements give the couple a bit more freedom to talk to one another.. before its like.. oh no! they're talking... this way they are allowed to communicate and its not a bad thing... and i think the whole mangni bit is very romantic.... even if its not formal... its still something nahin?
i think it can be as long as it wants.. but i prefer 6 months to bout 2 years
I think engagement shouldn't exceed 6 months. ziada time guzarney key sath sath 'doriyan' barh bhi sakti hein..but aek dafa shadi ho jayee to dono sides compromise kerti hein...
waisay what sadz said ; 'romantic'
yep ...agreed!
^ yeah? i dunno... i can see myself being engaged for about 1 year or more... i dunno why...
the whole mangni period is awesome.. like u gotta give the girl things and they in turn give my brother stuff... its so cool... and we tease him sooo much.. its fun :)
I can't stay engaged for that long...
6 months is too much for me...besides why to give the girl time to change her mind ;)
heheh true... thats why i like long marriages.. if the guy wants to reject me.. he can do so
engagements shouldnt be kept for longer than a year!! MAXIMUM!!
**It depends on the couple. Some people need longer
time periods to get to know each other and some need
shorter time periods.
Personally my opinion is that when engaged and
unless there is a 'majbori' the couple shouldn't
wait too long. If too long a period between the engagement
and the wedding, there's always the risk of the relationship
going stagnant, and for a lot of people getting to know a little bit too
much about their fiance/fiancee before marriage
can take away the feeling of mysteriousness and newness and
the desire to get to know more.
**
whats all this romantic crap about guys? hunh? who cares about what this world says for what u can and cant do after ur engaged. point is we dont follow islam for the people of this world, we do it for Allah. and Islam says "no no" to all this before and after engagement, cuz in islam there is no meaning for engagement. and if u think doing all these things is ok after enagement, than why not just do them now, u know like the american way? come on u guys what r u saying? that the muslim youth has sold so short that now they need a ring to be secretly announced girlfriend and boyfriend, but americans don't? is that the only diff left between us? a damn ring!!!! the fact that "u need to give me a ring to take me out or call me" is so low. see americans use the ring as a no vacancy board, but muslims, they use it as an excuse do what americans do everyday, date. and if u go out after ur engaged and not before, than...
A. u care more about what this world thinks than Allah.
B. u think that "well this is the guy i know i'm gonna marry, and so it's ok". which means that u think u know the future, and children that itself is a gunnah.
now i know that no one is a perfect little muslim here, and u guys r probably thinking right now, "well hey we do alot of other wrong things, why not this to?" well u can do this to. but weather u think about it or not, some little actions carry very big and deep meanings, and u might not think about them, but unintentionally u r doing them, and u know what Allah thallah will not take into consideration that u werent using ur fu**ing head. of course Allah is the forgiving, but only to those who really mean it. ne ways bottome line, u guys are all free to do whatever, and i just felt it my duty to tell. think of it as a mulsim doing a farse, cuz i can use all the sawab i can get. not trying to point fingers at ne one here, but some things just tick me off.
hmm kinda lost... i said romantic.. cus i think its sweet how the two families start doing all this rasme stuff.. like giving aech other gifts and so on..
a friend of mine got engaged.. and his fiance used to cook food for him and send it each day.. they didnt talk or nething, but it was damn cute the way all this talk but no talk starts..
and i didnt know Islam said we couldnt talk to our fiance before getting married? i thought we were allowed to talk to him/her and develop an understanding.... are we not?
sorry na.. kinda lost... its not as though people are making out or nething... lekin there is no harm in talking and getting to know one another... nahin?
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by I'M THE BEST: *
...cuz in islam there is no meaning for engagement...
[/QUOTE]
u might wanna reconsider that statement in light of Islam :) i'll let u do ur research first, and then i'll answer to that...
Well Sadzzz i guess maybe Islam does allow u to get to know the person, i'm not 100% sure about that though so i wont make ne statements. i'm sure its important to know what he's like, but honestly u can never really know a person even if u've spent ur whole life with em, so whats a few months gonna do? only bad can come out of it if u ask me. cuz if it doesnt work out, u get hurt. and if u do end up getting married, well in 99% of the cases poeple turn out alot diff, so all those expectations hit u on the head like a hammer. best is u keep limits and this way u dont "accidentally" do ne thing worng, and u dont give the guy or gal a chance to fake it, so that they turn out to be something totally diff in the end. cuz so far all the married couples i know who were engaged for a long time and got too close ended up saying " if I knew what he was like before i wouldn't have married him" or "if it wasnt for that kid i would...." and the list goes on. by the way if u dont mind i think it would be a good idea if i posted something in the religion section about engagement just to get the info on it, so that next time i know the facts. what do u say?