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*Originally posted by DeSiMuNdA: *
u might wanna reconsider that statement in light of Islam :) i'll let u do ur research first, and then i'll answer to that...
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ok in that case i'll take my statement back until i've done my share of research. my apologiezzzzzzzzzz people. ;)
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*Originally posted by I'M THE BEST: *
Well Sadzzz i guess maybe Islam does allow u to get to know the person, i'm not 100% sure about that though so i wont make ne statements. i'm sure its important to know what he's like, but honestly u can never really know a person even if u've spent ur whole life with em, so whats a few months gonna do? only bad can come out of it if u ask me. cuz if it doesnt work out, u get hurt. and if u do end up getting married, well in 99% of the cases poeple turn out alot diff, so all those expectations hit u on the head like a hammer. best is u keep limits and this way u dont "accidentally" do ne thing worng, and u dont give the guy or gal a chance to fake it, so that they turn out to be something totally diff in the end. cuz so far all the married couples i know who were engaged for a long time and got too close ended up saying " if I knew what he was like before i wouldn't have married him" or "if it wasnt for that kid i would...." and the list goes on. by the way if u dont mind i think it would be a good idea if i posted something in the religion section about engagement just to get the info on it, so that next time i know the facts. what do u say?
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hey yeah post it.... i need to increase my knowledge as well :)
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*Originally posted by I'M THE BEST: *
ok in that case i'll take my statement back until i've done my share of research. my apologiezzzzzzzzzz people. ;)
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no no, plz, i did not mean to be condescending if thats what u felt...i'm sorry if i came across like that...
what i was tryin to say was finding somethin first-hand urself is the best way to learn :)
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*Originally posted by DeSiMuNdA: *
no no, plz, i did not mean to be condescending if thats what u felt...i'm sorry if i came across like that...
what i was tryin to say was finding somethin first-hand urself is the best way to learn :)
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no i didnt take it that way yaar. dont worry im not that sensitive. ur right though i should have all the facts first. however i have tried to look this up alot, but i havent found much on it. so if u know ne thing from the quran and sunnah about it, plz feel free to tell me.
lemme see if i can find something for u :)
from what i remember, there is a concept of "Khit'bah" in islamic history which can be used in today’s time as well as the "Islamic way"...
One should just keep in mind the conditions of "Khalwah" (meeting between the woman and man, making sure that the conditions of proper Hijab is kept by the woman and preferably in a setting where there are other people around so its not a completely closed setting) along with keeping the other Shari’ah rules of interaction between men and women...
There is nothing wrong for the two families of the future bride and groom to meet each other and the prospective bride and groom to see each other keeping the above-mentioned points in mind :) and thats the purpose of "engagement", for the bride and groom to be, as well as the families, to get to know each other a little before the actual marriage, to see if there is some compatibility...
yeah i just looked up engagements and found some text on Khitba... which is similar to a marriage... but the two cannot perform sexual acts..
Wow! hmm some of the ideas and views you guys have really scare me!
I'm at the age where I need to be thinking about all this stuff seriously cause it's gonna come up sooner or later ;)
If too long a period between the engagement
and the wedding, there's always the risk of the relationship
going stagnant, and for a lot of people getting to know a little bit too
much about their fiance/fiancee before marriage
can take away the feeling of mysteriousness and newness and
the desire to get to know more.
What!? You've got to be kidding!? ..maybe giving more time allows the couple to get a chance to get more realistic about marriage and what they are getting into?
If this is your reasoning to not take your time cause it could possibly take away the desire to get married? then perhaps you need to grow up a little
Real life is not some silly bollywood film.. and no matter how much you love him/her there are times when you will not be able to stand each other at all .. and that's normal
the fact that "u need to give me a ring to take me out or call me" is so >low. see americans use the ring as a no vacancy board,
Hmm I dunno from what I heard getting engaged is supposed to be like making a reservation..lol
It guarantees she/he will be there and available when they both decide the time is right
and i didnt know Islam said we couldnt talk to our fiance before getting >married? i thought we were allowed to talk to him/her and develop an >understanding.... are we not?
No way, man! What are you talking about?!
one photo, a short glimpse at the initial chai serving ceremony followed by an intense interrigation by the in-laws - thats all you get.
so whats a few months gonna do? only bad can come out of it if u ask >me. cuz if it doesnt work out, u get hurt.
oh yeah and if you think it's working great .. get married and have kids and then realize it's all been a big mistake.. forget about it! Your life is over especially if you're the girl! yup that won't hurt at all
and if u do end up getting married, well in 99% of the cases poeple >turn out alot diff, so all those expectations hit u on the head like a >hammer.
if you're that stupid to marry blindly you deserve to get hit on the head with a hammer! lol
That's cause 99% of the cases nobody ever gets to know each other at all!? or the don't even bother considering the important stuff they should have..
best is u keep limits and this way u dont "accidentally" do ne thing worng,
Man, if you're so sexually repressed you're afraid you're gonna tear off all of your clothes the first moment you're left alone.. well that's pretty sad.. yeah then you really should not be allowed to get to know each other.. period!
so far all the married couples i know who were engaged for a long >time and got too close ended up saying " if I knew what he was like >before i wouldn't have married him" or "if it wasnt for that kid i >would...."
Well I think that kinda proves just how superfical and bogus the whole rishta process is to begin with anyways
Once again don't take this to the other extreme - OMG you say we should do what they do in america? !
No but there's gotta be a better less humiliating and stupid way
to go about all this
thats the purpose of "engagement", for the bride and groom to be, as >well as the families, to get to know each other a little before the actual >marriage, to see if there is some compatibility...
I would think you would establish all that before even considering getting engaged..!?
^ All right gotta admit, ur a pretty funny guy. but i think ur being a little too sarcastic here. i never said dont get to know the perosn at all. but in the end no matter how long and hard u try, u'll never find out what he/she is for real cuz they always change. if someone is truly good than great. but if they have a bad character do u think they're gonna show it? no. and yeah most people do realize they have made a mistake after they get married cuz thats all it is. weather or not u know the person, weathe or not it was love or arranged, its always gonna be a mistake, a mistake we all just have to make. "everyone has to get married, cuz happiness is not the only thing in life. remember my words babe.
depends...
if two ppl r committed, then they can be engaged for 100 yrs and its still ok..
jin ko torni hoti hae wo aik maheenay mein bhee tor dete haen....
kuch log shadi k baad shadi tor dete haen, kuch poori zindagi saath rehte haen...
ye to apni commitment kee baat hoti hae...aur thori see apni qismet kee baat hoti hae...Allah ki jo marzi hoti hae..
personally i dont even believe in engagement shingagement...khamakha...aiween...what's the point..? i dont believe in 'trying out' and 'checking compatibility' and all that stuff...
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What!? You've got to be kidding!? ..maybe giving more time allows the couple to get a chance to get more realistic about marriage and what they are getting into?
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Humsheer waqas72, if the couple needs time
after the engagement "to get more realistic about
marriage" then should they have committed in the
first place if they need time for the
"chance to get more realistic"? If they didn't have the
darndest clue about what they were getting into
then they shouldn't have gotten into it.
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If this is your reasoning to not take your time cause it could possibly take away the desire to get married?
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My initial opinion concluded that unless there is a just
reason an engagement should not be prolonged. Whether
or not two people can live with each other and bear the sight
of each other every day should be pre~engagement stuff.
Are they or are they not serious and realistic about making
the committment should also be decided before agreeing
to marry someone. How much can one talk, and how long can a
person listen? Relationships can go stagnant and do if
stuck in one phase for too long. Engagements shouldn't
be upheld only to be called off. In the long run it can hurt
both the guy and the girl equally.
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Real life is not some silly bollywood film.. and no matter how much you love him/her there are times when you will not be able to stand each other at all .. and that's normal
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Yeah real life isn't a Holly/Bolly/Lollywood rehearsal. If
two people can't stand each other before marriage when
the issues are extremely minute, then they definitely won't be
able to bear even the sight of each other after marriage
when everything changes and adjustments have to be
made by both. And although seen as many by normal it is not
normal not to be able to stand the sight of each other
at times even after marriage. How many people who
are like that can really consider their marriage a 100%
happy one?**
I hafto agree with irem here.... i dont believe in engagements either.... i mean wuts up with checkin out the compatabilities and all.. u r allowed to meet the guy.. talk to him .. get to kno his family.. n then wut else u want...?!?!? banday ko pehchannay mayn ya to 10 saal bhi kam partay hayn.. ya 10 minute bhi kaafi hotay hayn... all u gotta do is trust ur judgment n hope for the best.. long engagements r big no no in my opinion ... bekaar mayn galat fehmiyan hotee hayn ...