This is specially for the guppies who are living aboard, are married and have parents (and immediate relatives) in Pakistan. How often you talk to your parents and specially for HOW LONG? If you talk for a long time, what is your Spouse’s reaction? or if your spouse talks for long, whats your reaction? do you talk this with your spouse? When I say LONG TALKS that mean 3,4,5 hours phone calls with parents almost every 4/5 days.
For some reason I am unable to make my wife understand that its too much .
Her response is always “aab main ammi ko choor tu nahee saktee…aab itnee door tu hoon, kia un saai baat bhee na karoon?” She is quite sensitive when it comes to her mother (not so much with it comes to father and others though). Anything said by me on this topic always blown up into argument and I have to make dinner that day as per our own rules
PS: $$ are not of concern here as I have an unlimited call in Plan from Pakistan.
I usually call my parents once a week, talk for like 30-45 mins. My husband doesn't care. He calls his mom everyday, she lives here in the US, and I don't care either.
If you feel she's neglecting you or the kids then that's something else, but if nothings being affected, let it go.
I think you are making a issue out of nothing. everyone has different attachment level to their parents. And lets face it, if she is talking to her mother everyday there is nothing bad in it, actually i think its better that she talks to her. Parents (like everyone else) are not going to be around forever, you would miss your parents too if you were living alone far away. You might not find the need to call everyday but that's just personal prefs.
think of it as a visit...she is visiting her parents....every 4/5days...thats not bad...
Sorry , I missed the every 4/5 days , then , he should not have an objection. But it is better if she talks to parents when he is around , be may be seeking some attention and would feel left out if she is on phone and he is waiting for her to come off of it.
I myself personally feel annoyed if I see anybody on the phone for long time, just chit chatting with someone else and I am waiting for them to come off the phone so that I could talk to them about something.
yeah..i know..my husband and i always screen calls when we are together...(not if its urgent)...a couple of times i didnt like it that he took a phone call...knowing it will be a long one...arghh...but thankfully he doesnt.....
my sister talks to my mom everyday TWICE a day for like 45 mins each(my mom is in the US while my sister is in Pakista)my bil doesnt have any objection, in fact when he is around talking time doubles up since he also loves talking to his mil and if my nephews are in mood to talk, add more minutes to it. :-D
I used to call my mom everyday for like 30-45 mins and most of it would revolve around "what to cook and how to cook" since I didn't have any cooking experience before marriage! Sometimes I would have her on phone throughout while making "gobhi gosht" or such complicated things because I always messed them up!!!
Let her talk as much as she wants... my sister is very close to my mom and if they dun talk one day, I can see my mom very upset!!! Is your wife the oldest among her siblings? Usually they are the favorites :D
4 or 5 hours seems like a long time to me. I try not to make any calls at all when hubs is at home so we can spend the time with each other. Maybe if it bothers you that much, you can ask her to call her ammi during the weekdays when you are at work?
Let her talk as much as she wants... my sister is very close to my mom and if they dun talk one day, I can see my mom very upset!!! Is your wife the oldest among her siblings? Usually they are the favorites :D
Nah my wife is a sandwich child with a elder and younger sister but she is more attached to my MIL than any other sister. My SIL lives here in Canada and after 15-20 min of talk with her mom, she is like ..acha ammi bus ..aab aur kia baat kareen but my wife never stops not even to drink water :)
4 or 5 hours seems like a long time to me. I try not to make any calls at all when hubs is at home so we can spend the time with each other. Maybe if it bothers you that much, you can ask her to call her ammi during the weekdays when you are at work?
Problem. Everyone (me, her and my mil) is busy during week.
Secondly, I am not trying to make an issue out of It. I was just wondering whats the norm for people like us and if its her who is talking un-usually long periods or its me.....
hmm is it after every 4 or 5 days or is it 4 or 5 days per week? waisay why see this measuring of your wife through specs of norms and average, she is an individual let her be . i would like to be left alone as well. mothers are special.
hmm is it after every 4 or 5 days or is it 4 or 5 days per week? waisay why see this measuring of your wife through specs of norms and average, she is an individual let her be . i would like to be left alone as well. mothers are special.
once our professor said
There is Chaos in Symmetry and there is Symmetry in Chaos......
similarly, Individuals in the society combine to define norms.
it does seem a bit much to me. what on earth do they talk about for 5 hours ever 4/5 days? but some families are like that they cry when they leave their ami dearest even though they are so big in their twenties and they phone and talk to her like almost every day. it is like please give me a break.
i would say you should tell your wife to stop acting like a baby and start acting like the grown woman she is. put your foot down be a man. tell her to do some housework instead something useful. next thing you know she is going to do nothing all day except watch tv soaps and eat bon bons all day and get fat and start ruling your life.
We are in US, and our parents are in Pakistan, we both talk to them. Once before marriage he was busy and didn't talked to his mom, she got upset, his parents waited for his call and now his father waits for the call as he is the elder son and adorable baita, my MIL passed away last year so as his schedule he call to his father every weekend, some times in the weekdays too, when we are out of town in weekends we call from where we are thru phone card. In my case I call once week for 30-40 minutes a day some times twice but in morning time not in evening time so hubby doesn't bother. Some time I call in his presence so he talks to them. When he talks for long time I don't bother becoz he is away from his parents and the phone call is the only source for contact so both of us keep our parents in contact with us.
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