Re: Long distance?
Okay…look at the highlighted comments from your previous post, Spoko. I would not be surprised…if in the BEGINNING of your relationship…he made more of an effort to talk to you and also if he talked to you for a longer period of time with fewer disruptions. This is because a person is perceived as more of a challenge or mystery in the beginning. He didn’t know how things would turn out. He also didn’t know if he had “gotten” or “attained” you. So, he had to put more effort into getting you. NOW…he knows that has “gotten” you…he knows that he has 100% hold over you…and you unknowingly give him this impression by always being there for him…by putting things on hold for him, etc.
It’s human nature. When something is always there…we tend to take it for granted. And this is not only confined to romantic relationships. We can also take our friends and parents for granted. Even married couples need some space/distance every now and then to keep the relationship going.
When you put him “before” everything else and when you become too “available”…you also risk becoming too predictable. And while predictability is comforting…it can also sometimes lead to boredom. And most people WOULD LOVE it someone else did all the work. Think about it. If someone else is WILLINGLY doing all the work for you…why should they lift a finger? Why should they even bother meeting you half way…when you’re doing all the work in the relationship. You don’t get the same treatment from him because he doesn’t need to try hard…you’re doing it all. Moreover, you shouldn’t put someone before anything else. It’s not like he’s an immediate family member. You may not agree with this…but when you put him before everything else, it’s like you’re putting your life on hold. The time that you spend stressing out over him and waiting from him to call you back can be spent in other ways. You could pray, read Quran, watch a movie, exercise, read a book, hang out with family and friends, take a bath, catch up on sleep, cook, clean, go out, pursue a hobby, etc. Pursuing your own interests makes one interesting…they have more to share/discuss. Whereas waiting for a guy and putting him before everything gets in the way of that. I think a break would be healthy…because it will give you BOTH time to assess the relationship and help put things in perspective and help you decide what needs to done.
Also, all relationships have boundaries. AND…you teach people how to treat you. In other words, we play a role in how others treat us. When we consistently put up with behavior that we don’t like…we give the other person the message that it’s okay to do that with us. He continues to disrupt you over the phone every two minutes and he never calls when he says he will…yet you continue to be there for him. So, it’s like you’ve unintentionally sent the message that it’s okay for him to do this. The next time he tells you to hold on after two minutes of talking or tells you he’ll call back after five minutes…simply tell him “I’m going to be busy and can’t spend 5 minutes waiting for a phone call that may not even take place. I also believe that it’s hard to have a healthy conversation with frequent disruptions. I have things to get done…so you can call me when you have more time.” There, that’s it. You’ve left the ball in his court. You sounded mature as opposed to defensive and whiny. And you just continue living your life. No need to call him back. LET HIM do it…because you’ve told him your expectations and if you call him back …that once again sends the message you’re willing to “put up” with his wishy washy behavior. So, don’t call…let him call you when he has time. Also, if you have things go get done (such as sleeping, etc)…by all means go and sleep as opposed to calling him. Or cut the conversation short and go tend to your activities. It’s important to do that.