LOL Wedding night issue

[khattichic]

@TLK

@Demesne

While it is debatable given the references I have found from Sahih Bukhari as to whether the walima requires consummation or not, it is definite I believe that consummation is a sunnah if done and desirable before Walima. It is however not a requirement.

As for the periods thing, I don’t know if you know this, but most Pakistani families actually plan a wedding around the expected monthly date so that a bride isn’t on them during the ceremonies.

Walima is one sunah, walima after consummation is another. One can combine both sunnah if possible but walima is not going to be haram if Sex did not happen

I know about how the dates are picked and that is why Larki walay pick the date, but possibility is always there, right?

Yes it is very much possibe! Happened twice in my family! Wedding as planned according to brides cycle, yet she started her period on the day of the wedding itself I both situations! Awkward!!!

[khattichic]

@TLK

@Demesne

While it is debatable given the references I have found from Sahih Bukhari as to whether the walima requires consummation or not, it is definite I believe that consummation is a sunnah if done and desirable before Walima. It is however not a requirement.

As for the periods thing, I don’t know if you know this, but most Pakistani families actually plan a wedding around the expected monthly date so that a bride isn’t on them during the ceremonies.

Walima is one sunah, walima after consummation is another. One can combine both sunnah if possible but walima is not going to be haram if Sex did not happen

I know about how the dates are picked and that is why Larki walay pick the date, but possibility is always there, right?

Yes it is very much possibe! Happened twice in my family! Wedding was planned according to brides cycle, yet she started her period on the day of the wedding itself in both situations! Awkward!!!

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

tum phir wapis aagaye ho

I said it few posts ago - but it was hard for them to comprehend :)

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

incorrect - its better to ask islamic scholars (of find out the general opinion of) if there is a confusion from the hadiths instead of saying its a misconception and a debatable issue.

TLK - to answer your question when setting the dates for marriage, the elders used to get consent of the bride/brides mother accordingly

I read up on this after reading this post of yours and you are right.

I had a misconception that walima is about consummation of marriage, and I do believe this is a misconception many Pakistanis have since it's what elders say.

However, I think this is a debatable issue as I have found the following quotes which support consummation before as sunnah:

[TLK]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

though ladkiwale select the date for nikah.But they choose the date months before so the dates may overlap:D

Plus to be honest, now the dates are picked more on the availability of the marriage halls and when the other family members from UK/USA can come

incorrect - its better to ask islamic scholars (of find out the general opinion of) if there is a confusion from the hadiths instead of saying its a misconception and a debatable issue.

TLK - to answer your question when setting the dates for marriage, the elders used to get consent of the bride/brides mother accordingly

!. Prophet Mohammad also arranged for the Walima of one of his daughters. Astaghfarullah, you think that he actually inquired his daughter first and then arrange for the walima?

1. Yes but please read the reply of Khattichic

[Demilitarize]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

incorrect - its better to ask islamic scholars (of find out the general opinion of) if there is a confusion from the hadiths instead of saying its a misconception and a debatable issue.

SK islamic scholars differ on this as well so it's all about who you believe and your own research too

!. Prophet Mohammad also arranged for the Walima of one of his daughters. Astaghfarullah, you think that he actually inquired his daughter first and then arrange for the walima?

And TLK, I'm sure given the emphasis Islam gives on the duty of the wife towards a husband and vice versa that such things need not be asked. Given how marriage is emphasized in islam to keep us away from sin and to control our human base needs as well as for companionship, husbands and wives are encouraged to welcome each other's approaches. A lot of emphasis is placed on a wife accomodating her husband whenever the mood strikes him no matter what other things she is busy with. She is to leave everything and attend to the husband first. There are hadith and verses supporting this argument I know I have come across them and I'm certain you have too.

Can't we just agree to possibly disagree on this? A walima is a sunnat and is a celebration of married life. A declaration of it. Bus.
And emphasis on married life in the above statement.

[stoppit]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

The sunnat of Walima is to announce the nikah. Nikah itself is very simple and requires minimal witnesses, so the purpose of Walima is to announce to the wider community that a nikah has taken place and was simple. A proper investigation of hadith will reveal that there was no fixed 'time' for the Walima.

My dad's side of the family tends to follow religion more than cultural practices especially for our weddings and they are a single event - nikkah followed by dinner. They are well versed in hadith and hanafi fiqh.

[canadiandesigirl]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

The sunnat of Walima is to announce the nikah. Nikah itself is very simple and requires minimal witnesses, so the purpose of Walima is to announce to the wider community that a nikah has taken place and was simple. A proper investigation of hadith will reveal that there was no fixed 'time' for the Walima.

My dad's side of the family tends to follow religion more than cultural practices especially for our weddings and they are a single event - nikkah followed by dinner. They are well versed in hadith and hanafi fiqh.

This is also my understanding of Walima. It is a declaration or announcement of the Nikkah (not necessarily of consummation).

[ShahreyarKhan]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

whar are you talking about???

nobody is challenging the definition/purpose of walima

from hadith it is clear walima was done after comsumation of marriage hence sunnah

it is stilll the celebration of marriage - no body is questioning that

if the prophet did such and such the is no debate about it

Plus to be honest, now the dates are picked more on the availability of the marriage halls and when the other family members from UK/USA can come

!. Prophet Mohammad also arranged for the Walima of one of his daughters. Astaghfarullah, you think that he actually inquired his daughter first and then arrange for the walima?

1. Yes but please read the reply of Khattichic

[diwana]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

I think we are splitting hair.

http://www.central-mosque.com/fiqh/walima.htm

1-Vast majority consider Walima to be performed after consummation of marriage. Not just announcement of marriage.

(Otherwise we all know hundreds are and maybe same people are invited to walima who were present in wedding anyway. So why the need of just announcement?)

2- Timing is first or second day after marriage. Since third day it is considered showing off.

[stoppit]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

Everyone copies and pastes that same page. That's all you'll find on the internet on this matter.

What is considered showing off is a celebration/feast lasting longer, not that the timing is supposed to be on first or second day.

Comprehension ---

[diwana]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

The words used are "first", "second" , "third" day.

Not

"one" "two" "Three" days.

Comprehension...!!

[stoppit]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

you are not understandings the meaning. but that's okay, we're used to it.

[rolla_coaster]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

rotfl. this thread has turned funny.

[diwana]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

you are not understandings the meaning. but that's okay, we're used to it.

We?

You have a mouse in your pocket? :)

There are other places same thing is mentioned what I said.

[canadiandesigirl]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

So, going by what some people here are saying it means in Islam one is suppose to have a party announcing "oh look everyone, we finally had sex" Kinda odd, don't you all think?

[Marmalade]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

So if a walima without consummation is 'haram', what should a man do if his new bride is reluctant to sleep with him right away on the first night?

[Sara516]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

So if a walima without consummation is 'haram', what should a man do if his new bride is reluctant to sleep with him right away on the first night?

well then he's just not a proper man if he can't have sex on his wedding night no matter what. I'm sure that's what the clowns in this thread will tell you. :)

[diwana]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

So, going by what some people here are saying it means in Islam one is suppose to have a party announcing "oh look everyone, we finally had sex" Kinda odd, don't you all think?

So if a walima without consummation is 'haram', what should a man do if his new bride is reluctant to sleep with him right away on the first night?

If anything, this post should clear the questions:
1- There is no such thing that Walima has to be done since it is a sunnah and not farz. It is the responsibility of the man. Only if he can afford. Other way is kinda 'pot luck', just to get together.

2- Mere announcement is enough. Consummation of marriage is not considered mandatory but that is what the prophet has done consistently as the article says and other sites have mentioned as well. Hence,** even if consummation of marriage has not occurred, Walima can be done.**

3- No where anyone says it is haram to do Walima if intimate relation between husband and wife has not happened. So the question from Marmalade is incorrect.

4- As to feeling 'odd' in announcing the consummation through walima, one has to be careful since one is actually questioning what the prophet SAW himself did.

5- If people do not feel "odd" when non-marital sex/relationship is openly (sometimes proudly) discussed and announced, then why feel odd when perfectly legitimate act is 'announced' via Walima? Socially perhaps those days it was considered that man tells his friends/relatives he has married a woman and she is a wife and not a londi/slave girl.

BTW, in Walima man does not go around telling "guys. I had her!". It is merely a tradition before Islam which was considered acceptable.

[TLK]

Re: LOL Wedding night issue

So if a walima without consummation is 'haram', what should a man do if his new bride is reluctant to sleep with him right away on the first night?

When the whole night, angels would curse her for the refusal, tab Pata chalky gaa oos ko