Re: LOL I got one for you
If the family lives abraod and you won't be seeing them often, its worth a risk. But you need to make sure that the guy and you are on the same page for stuff, e.g. hijab, sleeveless etc. and if you want to reconsider your stance on those. I assume you have worked out the major stuff like working vs non-working, finances etc.
Re: LOL I got one for you
I married a girl from that type of family. No regrets here.
From what I recall of your posts, you're a conservative guy, and secondly, you're a guy so it doesn't count. A woman's extended family usually has zero effect on a guy.
Re: LOL I got one for you
You know why? Cuz if the girl's family tries to pull any crap, the guy says "Ain't nobody got time for this", and he walks away.
If a guy's phuphi or chachi tries to pass a comment about his wife, she has to hear it, smile and nod, and if she does anything different, OMG what a patakha, and that can basically end the relationship.
Re: LOL I got one for you
Ok, you meet a great guy. He seems pretty balanced.
But then you find out his whole extended family, and I mean all of them - both mom and dad's sides - are super conservative, burqa walis with niqabs, and in fact he hasn't talked to any of his lady cousins since they were like 12, because he is their na-mehram, and he also doesn't know what they look like.
Would you marry into such a close minded family, although the guy is ok, (and so you assume the parents will be ok)?
I dont know what you consider okay but a guy not talking to his cousins or any women due to na-mehram will be a religious man who will probably expect you to be equally religious. most religious people want their spouse to also practice what they do. if you're okay with that, i see no problem based on this particular issue.
i personally couldn't deal with such mentality.
Re: LOL I got one for you
I think you misunderstood my scenario. Guy's extended family extends their religious interpretation to not allowing their daughters to meet the guy and talk to him or be seen. The guy does not agree with this, and thinks it's ridiculous.
Re: LOL I got one for you
From what I recall of your posts, you're a conservative guy, and secondly, you're a guy so it doesn't count. A woman's extended family usually has zero effect on a guy.
^Doesnt count. Guys either tame or mold (the girl) to their liking. Either way they mostly get what they want. You get the line "Aapkay ghar Mae hota Hoga aesay, hamaray ghar Mae nahi hota". (And this is after u came from a house where ur parents said, Jub shadi ho jaigi to Jo marzi aaye karna. Hum kuch nahi kahaingay)
Well there was no taming/moulding here. At the time we got married, all this stuff was new to me (burqa/niqab, observance of mehram/non-mehram among cousins etc). We accommodated her on those types of issues.
I have extended family; some people would complain about her conservativeness. She stood her ground and I (and my immediate family) stood by her. So I guess she was sort of in the reverse of your situation, where she was more conservative marrying into a family with a less conservative extended family.
Re: LOL I got one for you
I think you misunderstood my scenario. Guy's extended family extends their religious interpretation to not allowing their daughters to meet the guy and talk to him or be seen. The guy does not agree with this, and thinks it's ridiculous.
Oops i read it wrong then.
well if the guy has similar views like you, it really doesn't matter what his distant family thinks or behaves.
Re: LOL I got one for you
You know why? Cuz if the girl's family tries to pull any crap, the guy says "Ain't nobody got time for this", and he walks away.
If a guy's phuphi or chachi tries to pass a comment about his wife, she has to hear it, smile and nod, and if she does anything different, OMG what a patakha, and that can basically end the relationship.
That is why we tell nadz to pick and choose her battles. There is no need to respond at everything that is said to you. Most of the times you should just pretend you didn't hear that stuff. At the end of the day you have to make a decision how important your relationship is with your husband. Do you want to ruin your relationship and peace by replying to such comments or making issues out them or you'd rather ignore them and live a peaceful marriage.
I would say this for both husband and wife.
Re: LOL I got one for you
You know why? Cuz if the girl's family tries to pull any crap, the guy says "Ain't nobody got time for this", and he walks away.
If a guy's phuphi or chachi tries to pass a comment about his wife, she has to hear it, smile and nod, and if she does anything different, OMG what a patakha, and that can basically end the relationship.
I seens it, thurfure is law.
Re: LOL I got one for you
:k:
Re: LOL I got one for you
PCG you should ponder this saying. "Eat the mangoes first, count the seeds later".
Re: LOL I got one for you
Btw..i am not conservative chap..but so what..if the fella is bit conservative. Everyone is different. But a person shouldn't be a conservative to a point..where you're just socially awkward. And express conservatism in harsh manner. Right balance and attitude is the key.
Re: LOL I got one for you
Yes I would be ok for it just as long as you have made it clear to the guy that you shall not be forced to do the same. If the family is close minded but the guy is not, why judge him for that? I know I would hate to be judged because of my family!
Also you will be living with your husband not the extended family so it doesn't really matter does it?
Re: LOL I got one for you
just because they are following religion doesnt make them or anyone closeminded. If you think that setup is not gonna work out for you and you could sense future trouble then stay away from them. Undeniably we do have two faced people, but the negativity and a constant one that your threads exude is sometimes too sickening.
Re: LOL I got one for you
just because they are following religion doesnt make them or anyone closeminded. If you think that setup is not gonna work out for you and you could sense future trouble then stay away from them. Undeniably we do have two faced people, but the negativity and a constant one that your threads exude is sometimes too sickening.
i totally agree...wats wrong in wearing burqa n not talking to na mehrams? such a guy is much more better than someone who freely get mixed up with na mehrams... i find this quite disgusting that following religion is said to be closed minded.. i myself beling to a very liberal family, but its been 5 years i feel much peace in being conservative by covering myself properly n avoid talking to naa mehrams... n i really want my daughters to do the same n be in burqa n love them marry such a guy as OP mentioned in her post.. watever Allah Tala n his prophet has forbidden, how can v call smone practicing that conservative n closed minded?
Re: LOL I got one for you
^ Don't you know? It's openminded to do so. The more openminded, the less acceptance towards others it seems.
Re: LOL I got one for you
That is why we tell nadz to pick and choose her battles. There is no need to respond at everything that is said to you. Most of the times you should just pretend you didn't hear that stuff. At the end of the day you have to make a decision how important your relationship is with your husband. Do you want to ruin your relationship and peace by replying to such comments or making issues out them or you'd rather ignore them and live a peaceful marriage.
I would say this for both husband and wife.
Nicely put.
A lot of unmarried girls and guys seem to think the marriage is only about two people. That is probably true in the beginning, but it soon evolves into something else. You will have kids and a family of your own. There will be sickness, death, tragedies, other weddings etc. The relatives, however annoying, are still part of a support system we all rely on. They are more important to the ones living in the west. Smart ones learn how to deal with it and work on what is important.
Re: LOL I got one for you
PCG you should ponder this saying. "Eat the mangoes first, count the seeds later".
No, she shouldn't.
More of than half of the issues and drama on life1 are issues that women should have considered thoroughly PRIOR to marriage but didn't. Considering the issues that may pose a problem BEFORE marriage is more logical than marrying a bloke you have doubts about in hopes that everything will "sort itself out after marriage" and then whinging about it when things don't get sorted after marriage and drama arises.
Re: LOL I got one for you
PCG, from your posts I can already tell you, no matter how great you think this guy is, he's not for you. Too many future clashes on hijab, mingling with cousins, what to eat, where to eat etc. Rehne do.
Re: LOL I got one for you
No, she shouldn't.
More of than half of the issues and drama on life1 are issues that women should have considered thoroughly PRIOR to marriage but didn't. Considering the issues that may pose a problem BEFORE marriage is more logical than marrying a bloke you have doubts about in hopes that everything will "sort itself out after marriage" and then whinging about it when things don't get sorted after marriage and drama arises.
Yeah but she doesn't give anyone a try at all. She just picks out random flaws in the dudes and moves on. She has to understand that no one is perfect. She'll never ever find anyone exactly to her liking. People aren't like that, she has to give someone a chance. She doesn't have a lot of good years left to be playing skippidy skip skip. Just my 2 cents.