Living with your in-laws

[PyariCgudia]

Re: Living with your in-laws

You're right that the details are not known in the case, and therefore, you shouldn't be as bold as to say that one should ALWAYS listen to parents, because parents can be wrong at times. Especially if they're desi.

[the_game]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@PyariCgudia

^ Does a girl have the right to feel the same way about her parents, and also make the decision that she wont leave them alone?

Yes, she does. And if she does not agree to my terms, she does not have to marry me. Simple as that. No girl is ever more important than taking care of my parents when they really need it, no matter how much I love her. The same applies to the girl where her parents should come first and then her significant other should be next in the priority list.

[amelie]

Re: Living with your in-laws

What i find funny is the women who left pakistan to move to america, have lived with in laws for perhaps 1 year max...NOW want a traditional set up when it comes to their children....

Either way...i'm for it b/c i don't like the idea of my parents being alone and older..so i would do the same for mine...

[lollypop_man]

Re: Living with your in-laws

i find it ironic all single people giving out mashvaray on life after marriage. internet pai chartay hee saray choudhry ban jatay heiN. can we get opinions from married people on this?????

[_Tikhi_Jalebi]

Re: Living with your in-laws

am i the only one here who would love to live witn in-laws i think the only issue i would have is parda n its kinda hard living in the same place…

so all you girls who think u wouldnt want to live with ur in-laws to avoid problems and have privacy, why do u live with ur own parents when i am sure u all have problems with ur own families. They are made out of the same material you are, dont expect them to be perfect.

Offcourse there are problems n issues in every family, its how you deal with em. So what if your mother in law wants to know where u r going or how much u spend, simply tell her. When you have to tell/ask your parents befoer going somewhere, why is it so hard to do the same with ur parents in law?

And I pitty people whoes parents have to live in nursing homes or depend on others, the people who brought you in this world deserve better.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@Mr Bombastic

i cant judge nobody .. but for my wifey i wud never ever leave my parents .. n islam says it all ..

1. its a must to fulfill every order ur parents issue even leaving ur wife exept changing religion !

and seriously for anyone who moves out seperate just coz her wifey wanted to .. if i was u .. i’d rather shoot myself twice ! one can never pay back for wat his/her parents done for him/her .. n if u leave em alone at the very last stage when they need u the most .. then remember WAT GOES AROUND, COMES AROUND !!!

yes of course in Islam u shouldnt leave ur parents…but that doesnt mean u have to live with them to take care of them. if that was the case than girls would stay home to take care of their parents and they would nvr get married.

Perhaps i should nvr get married than…my mom needs me..she is alone..no sons no husband.

[_Tikhi_Jalebi]

Re: Living with your in-laws

or miss smarty pants maybe u can get married n all three of you can live together...its really not that hard

[skhan]

Re: Living with your in-laws

^ Yep, all you need now is a ghar jamaye and you're all set.

[Sara516]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@~Tikhi Jalebi~

am i the only one here who would love to live witn in-laws i think the only issue i would have is parda n its kinda hard living in the same place…

so all you girls who think u wouldnt want to live with ur in-laws to avoid problems and have privacy, why do u live with ur own parents when i am sure u all have problems with ur own families. They are made out of the same material you are, dont expect them to be perfect.

Offcourse there are problems n issues in every family, its how you deal with em. So what if your mother in law wants to know where u r going or how much u spend, simply tell her. When you have to tell/ask your parents befoer going somewhere, why is it so hard to do the same with ur parents in law?

And I pitty people whoes parents have to live in nursing homes or depend on others, the people who brought you in this world deserve better.

Parents are different… you have a different relationship wiht parents than you do with in-laws. You can have the best relationship wiht your in laws but it cannot compare to the bond between parents and kids…

[Sheraz_CT]

Re: Living with your in-laws

mista game ..maybe u should concentrate on ur studies for right now..make some money..buy a big home..phir privacy hi privacy lol

i don't have a huge house but we have a really nice basement to ourselves..its got a big bedroom, living room, bathroom..plus our house has three stories

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@skhan

^ Yep, all you need now is a ghar jamaye and you’re all set.

lol…exactly…like wat guy wants to do that.

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@~Tikhi Jalebi~

or miss smarty pants maybe u can get married n all three of you can live together…its really not that hard

\

sweety it really doesnt work that way…see if im living with his parents…than how can i have my mom live with us…

thats why i was being sarcastic…i really wasnt trying to be a “smarty pants” im just saying…this is the way our culture is…it’s either gonna be his parents who have each other and their kids or my mom who is alone. which one?

[amana]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@Mr Bombastic

1. its a must to fulfill every order ur parents issue even leaving ur wife exept changing religion !

This is absolute nonsense, and I’m not sure why I hear this from desi aunties on occasion; abusing Islam for cultural considerations, perhaps? Anyways, I don’t want to turn this into an Islamic thread, but thought that you should try educating yourself about what Islam actually says on this issue:

Dad Says I Should Divorce My Wife: Should I Obey Him?
With regard to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada., answers:

“In Islam, everyone has proper duties and responsibilities. Islam establishes a balance between the rights of various sections of the society (parents, children, houses, neighbors, fellow Muslims and humans at large). Based on this balance and equity, one’s spouse has rights just as one’s parents do.

Therefore, man is not allowed to divorce his wife simply because of the whims and fancies of his parents or anyone else if she has not committed any serious violation or breached any of the fundamental principles. If, however, a wife has committed any of the serious violations, then of course the husband’s parents have a right to propose or suggest to him to divorce her.

The case of Caliph `Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, with his son ‘Abdullah cannot be generalized. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was exemplary, selfless person whose advice to his son was truly motivated by religious considerations. Therefore, it cannot be cited as a precedent for parents to compel their children to divorce their wives for material considerations.

The great Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, may Allah bless his soul, was once asked by someone, “Shall I divorce my wife because my father orders me to do so?” Imam Ahmad promptly replied, ‘Definitely not!’ The man then asked, “how come `Umar ordered his son to divorce his wife?’ Upon saying this, Imam Ahmad said: “When your father reaches the level of ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, in piety and righteousness, then you can do so.”

Sheikh Hamed Al-`Ali, instructor of Islamic Heritage at the Faculty of Education, Kuwait and Imam of Dahiat As-Sabahiyya Mosque, adds:

“If parents demand their son to divorce his wife for religious or Islamically accepted reasons and not because of whimsical and authoritative wishes, then he should obey his parents. However, I should say that many parents ask their sons to divorce their wives simply because they want to oppress the girl, wish for practicing control and authority, punishing the family of the girl and for other whimsical grounds. In the latter case, a husband is not allowed to obey his parents.”

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@amana

This is absolute nonsense, and I’m not sure why I hear this from desi aunties on occasion; abusing Islam for cultural considerations, perhaps? Anyways, I don’t want to turn this into an Islamic thread, but thought that you should try educating yourself about what Islam actually says on this issue:

Dad Says I Should Divorce My Wife: Should I Obey Him?
With regard to your question, Sheikh Ahmad Kutty, a senior lecturer and an Islamic scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada., answers:

“In Islam, everyone has proper duties and responsibilities. Islam establishes a balance between the rights of various sections of the society (parents, children, houses, neighbors, fellow Muslims and humans at large). Based on this balance and equity, one’s spouse has rights just as one’s parents do.

Therefore, man is not allowed to divorce his wife simply because of the whims and fancies of his parents or anyone else if she has not committed any serious violation or breached any of the fundamental principles. If, however, a wife has committed any of the serious violations, then of course the husband’s parents have a right to propose or suggest to him to divorce her.

The case of Caliph `Umar Ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, with his son ‘Abdullah cannot be generalized. ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, was exemplary, selfless person whose advice to his son was truly motivated by religious considerations. Therefore, it cannot be cited as a precedent for parents to compel their children to divorce their wives for material considerations.

The great Imam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal, may Allah bless his soul, was once asked by someone, “Shall I divorce my wife because my father orders me to do so?” Imam Ahmad promptly replied, ‘Definitely not!’ The man then asked, “how come `Umar ordered his son to divorce his wife?’ Upon saying this, Imam Ahmad said: “When your father reaches the level of ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, in piety and righteousness, then you can do so.”

Sheikh Hamed Al-`Ali, instructor of Islamic Heritage at the Faculty of Education, Kuwait and Imam of Dahiat As-Sabahiyya Mosque, adds:

“If parents demand their son to divorce his wife for religious or Islamically accepted reasons and not because of whimsical and authoritative wishes, then he should obey his parents. However, I should say that many parents ask their sons to divorce their wives simply because they want to oppress the girl, wish for practicing control and authority, punishing the family of the girl and for other whimsical grounds. In the latter case, a husband is not allowed to obey his parents.”

very true@ the part i highlighted…
it’s absurd…ur not suppose to choose one over the other. Once again this is just something our culture has made up:rolleyes:

[Sheraz_CT]

Re: Living with your in-laws

angel eyes...how bout a boy from pakistan? maybe you can find a boy in pak..get married..i m sure he will leave everything to come to the US :)

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@Sheraz CT

angel eyes…how bout a boy from pakistan? maybe you can find a boy in pak..get married..i m sure he will leave everything to come to the US

heyyy im open to marrying a guy from pak…as long as he doesnt have backwards views…my sister married a guy from pak…he is mashallah a terrific guy.

Why do u make it seem as if i want the guy to leave everything for me…i nvr implied that…jeeez all we women want (well some of us) is space. even if it means living in the guest house in the backyard!! why cant some men understand the concept of space. I know men that have moved out of their parents house and got married…they take care of their parents, go visit them frequently. The relationship b/w the son and parents as well as the bahu and in-laws is so good. They love each other…the girl is like best friends with her MIL and SIL.

[Sheraz_CT]

Re: Living with your in-laws

i hope u get into a situation that is perfect for you

[AnGeL_EyEs]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@Sheraz CT

i hope u get into a situation that is perfect for you

well nothing in life is perfect. Inshallah i just want to be in a situation where everyone is getting along well and is happy…including both sides of the families.

[Nilu]

Re: Living with your in-laws

My parents in law live's in Pakistan and i live seperate of them i think thats better then live
with ur parents in law to much trouble.

[skhan]

Re: Living with your in-laws

@amana

“If parents demand their son to divorce his wife for religious or Islamically accepted reasons and not because of whimsical and authoritative wishes, then he should obey his parents.

And what would those “Islamic reasons” be?