exactly…those are different circumstances…if parents are old and ill etc.
the one thing i dont like about our culture is how we hold on to ancient things…things that have no relevance in today’s society. Back than ppl couldnt afford to buy a home thats why they had to live in one home…this is not the situation nowadays. Besides living with just ur MIL and FIL is one thing…but living with the whole family…thats just plain ol wrong and unfair to the girl especially if she is from a home where her parents gave her some space and a bit of independence. how can one expect to take that away from her.
i know a kid in my area..he got married and moved out of the state..i feel bad for his mom..she misses her son but oh well...and she is the nicest lady and a great mom too
Reading all the posts in this thread, i have alot to say but since i am at work.. i can't type up a whole essay..
so just my 2 cents..
The whole idea of "moving" out is like a heart attack to our desi culture. When every parent wants their kid to be settled have a nice job, have a nice family and have a nice house.. they are also afraid of being left alone in the middle.
To me everyone has to pitch in to have a great family. You can't expect to be the best bahu and can't expect ur MIL to be the best MIL .. i think just drop the whole expectations thing before the shaadi.. go with the flow.. time anay per everything will happen.. get married live with ur beloved husband and if he is living with his parents then give it a try..
if both of your decide to move out and live on your own then do so but in a good manner tell your elders (MIL, FIL) that you guys want to invest in your own home your future your kids future.. i am sure this is doable.. however i must admit this can go wrong if MIL/FIL doesn't respond as we wish them to.. nevertheless we should try our level best to approach this situation positively..
now start telling me kay i am wrong and life is very hard and its impossible not to fight and kay phada's are part of our desi culture and we can't live without it.. sigh
Ansoon, i agree with you but the problem in our culture is that mom's or MILS have such a hard time accepting the fact that their beloved son is married now. He has a wife and will soon have a baby so he has to take care of them too but no, majority of our MILs want their son to only pay attention to them.
I wish it would be as easy as you have written it. But, trust me in real life it is not that easy. It is not just about mil/fil also once the sils (sister in laws) find out about the moving out they do everything possible to blackmail the bhai with stuff like disobeying and leaving parents in old age and it is not a daughter's duty to take care of mil/fil but a bahu's.
I understand it is a son's duty to take care of his parents but at the same time the fil/mil have to make the bahu feel like a daughter and not an outsider.
I don't know things are different for everyone. I think you can only make a true judgement once you have been in a situation and I know i have been so there is no way I want to live with my inlaws. I don't mind my husband supporting them and taking care of them. I don't even mind if they live next door to us but not with us in the same home.
wait wait…let’s clear up one thing…it’s not only the sons duty to take care of the parents..it’s the daughters as well…our culture only makes us believe that it is the duty of the son. where in the quran does it say that a son is only responsible?
my mother doesnt have any sons and my father has passed away…who will take care of her? we will…her daughters. alhamdulillah i have 2 wonderful BILs who are asking her 2 live with them…they are awesome…and she feels special. Mashallah my mom is so independent…she says she will live alone for as long as she is able. she refuses 2 give up her independence. lol..she says she needs her privacy!
AngelEyes: Ofcourse, I know that but what i am trying to say is this is what is fed to our husbands by their sisters. That taking care of their parents is a duty of the bahu and son not the daughters since they are married and have a life of their own.
Also, in our culture parents are financially dependent on their sons more than their daughters.
what if ur in-laws are really old and can't live alone? i can't think of leaving them like that :-/ if i stop my husband from taking care of his parents, he'll stop me from taking care of my parents once they are old.
it seems very cruel. living alone is ofcourse good n dandy, but when ur parents need u the most, u shud be there for them regardless.
if i treat my parents or his parents like that, my kids will learn that as well and do the same with us when they grow up n we grow old. i don't think i'd like that :-/ ppl dont think this far.
Ofcourse if your parents or inlaws are in poor health than it is must that you take care of them regardless of your grudges.
My mil hangs up the phone on me after asking if my hubby is home and when i say he is not she just hangs up. Why would anyone want to live with a mil like that?????
maybe she is mad at you for some reason...but if you continue to be nice to her maybe she will eventually change and start to like you ... ana ko janay do
For all you guys saying she should give it a chance, they would never accept not livign wtih thier parents, would you move into your wife’s parents’ home? Hell no.
When a girl gets married, she has to leave her family, her home etc, to be a part of his family, his home, fit into their life, their routines. Everything changes for the girl, but not for the guy. It just doesnt seem fair
Gotta love desis. Try to take away a womans right as per statedin the Quran, and she’s considered as a selfish gori
thats a totally different situation. I would have to take care of my mom at her old age…and i would expect my husband to care of his parents at their old age as well. It’s our farz to do so.
