Re: Living with your in-laws
Like I said, it makes a huge difference if the girl isn't treated like an outsider by the in-laws. It's a lot easier to build a healthy environment if all parties involved are more accepting of each other (in laws and daughter in laws). Sounds like your sister found a genuinely nice family.
Re: Living with your in-laws
Thanks for replying so far :)
Ansoon, so that means you are engaged, right? * Congrats if you are.:)
Shweetdreamz, I certainly don't mean isolating from the in-laws. I know that's the worst thing for old people to happen to them, but you can visit them as much as possible.
Sadya, that's so sad to hear. I think this situation also had to do with the fact that it was an arranged marriage? * correct me if I'm wrong..
I hope she will find someone who will make her happy again so she can forget about what happened.
Re: Living with your in-laws
I think everyone knows their personality and going against it would be a wrong thing to do. If you can't live with a third person, you can't.
Anyway, there comes a time when girls own their own houses. The whole dynamics change. Some look back and say they were better off compromising and some feel otherwise.
Re: Living with your in-laws
True Mehnaz...all depends on circumstances. I still don't know what my stance is on this issue.
Re: Living with your in-laws
i think the girl should atleast try to live with the inlaws first and see if things work out..if they don't then it might be best for everyone to live seperately.
Re: Living with your in-laws
I think like most girls…i 2 would like to live alone with my husband in MY own home. Id like to be able to decorate it the way i want to w/o asking anyone else for their opinion etc. If i moved in with my husbands family…to me it will always be THEIR home and not mine.
But of course…it all depends on the situation you are in. If his parents are living all alone…than of course i wouldnt have it any other way but for them to live with us. But they would have to live in the home that i own..the home that i bought with my husband…does that make sense? If the parents are living with other kids…that are grown and able to look at for their parents than i dont see why i have to live in that house.
Besides i think when u have space u tend to have more respect and love for your in-laws.
and what if u want to run around naked 
or imagine every night when u go to bed when ur hubby goes to bed…EVERYONE will know what u 2 are up 2…talk about embarrassing:blush:
Re: Living with your in-laws
There is nothing wrong with supporting your inlaws or even check up on them daily but living alone with your husband is the way to go for me. I would have loved to live with them if they were kind people.
All they like to do is enforce their decisions upon others and I like to make my own decisions so there is no way people like us can live under one roof;)
I am glad i have not had the chance to live with them. my Mil came to live with us in the US for about 8 months and I will never forget those months and that is enough for me to remember for a lifetime.
I mean think about it even when a couple is in love they get into arguments and these are inlaws and bahoo situation.......................misunderstandings are bound to happen. Inlaws need to understand that the bahoo is an adult/individual and has her own preferences, you can't just say to do this, do that , go there don't do that. It is never going to work out this way. Everyone needs their space........................
Besides there is more respect and love between families when everyone is living independently.
Re: Living with your in-laws
selfish selfish selfish…haha i m glad i didnt marry you
Re: Living with your in-laws
well i saiddddd depending on the situation:rolleyes: 
but honestly…u cant have an intimate relationship with ur spouse with ur in-laws/parents in the house! no room 4 creativity:p
Re: Living with your in-laws
my point exactly.
even if they are terrific in-laws and they treat u like a daughter rather than a bahu…the fact remains they are still ur in-laws and u have to be careful with everything u say and do.
Re: Living with your in-laws
but what is up with this MY home MY this My that?
it depends on the situation too…maybe you have big enough house..maybe you can do all the creative stuff in one end of the house at night and take care of ur sweet inlaws in the day time
Re: Living with your in-laws
plus girls..there has to be a difference between you and the goris in west..u can't just become like them..can't become too selfish and just think about urself
Re: Living with your in-laws
Sheraz, if memory serves me right, didn't you once object on living with your in-laws (wife's parents)? Then shouldn't a girl similarly have the right or at least be respected if she chooses not to live with her in-laws?
Re: Living with your in-laws
^
wanting to live in your own place is nothing western, an imam told me once that according to Islam girls do have the right to their own place. What's wrong with that, if the house is small of the inlaws and/or relations aren't very good between inlaws and the girl?
Re: Living with your in-laws
sadiya..i don't think i said anywhere that i dont want to live iwth my inlaws..normally in our culture the girls get married and move in with guy's family..i don't want to become a 'ghar jamayee'. anyways if she doesnt have any brothers or if brothers can't support their parents then i won't have any problem supporting them
Re: Living with your in-laws
if no one is getting along and life is becoming very difficult then yeh probably its a good idea to move out..but i have noticed that all of you single girls have already decided ahead of time that you will just move out and have ur own place
Re: Living with your in-laws
the reason why im saying MY house…is because…i want to be able to live in the house i choose…girls have dreams 2 u know…we want to furnish it the way we want…i dont want to live in a home where i dont even like the stuff in it. I have no problem with a guys parents moving in with me…but that is different…like i said it’s my home..the one i picked out with my husband.
Re: Living with your in-laws
just because we want a house of our own or want to live in a separate home from our in laws…doesnt mean we are acting like goris. It just means we need our space and privacy. IT has nothing to do with not respecting our elders…for god sakes it’s not like im saying lets send them to a retirement home. When they get old and arent able to take care of themselves…than thats different. Anyway…nowadays …at least the aunties and uncles i know are telling their sons to move out of the house when they get married. The parents are finally coming to realise that its better for everyone that way
Re: Living with your in-laws
thats because it is better to move out so that ur relationship stays good with the in-laws…once u move in with them and than get into a fight and leave…that’s worse. You have already ruined the relationship. why wait for that moment. why not keep the respect and love u have for ur in-laws by giving each other space.
Re: Living with your in-laws
How many couples here(USA/other western countries) live with their in-laws? The rare few I have seen are due to certain circumstances (parents are old, or father/mother has passed away)?