I NEVER said I married the one heera on Earth, nor did I call every male on this planet EVIL. Normal, educated, sane minded people usually draw upon their own experiences to quote examples.
I am really getting tired of your retaliations of each and every one of my posts, and twisting them into something they are not. Please stop your "tanziya" attitude towards my opinions.
And according to those experiences of yours, you have the right to generalize other peoples posts made on this particular forum as "Dil ki bharas"?
The instant you'd think twice before calling peoples efforts/posts on here just their darn "Dil ki bharaas" OR stop making "Popping babies" a source of giggles for your own very self or the social circle surrounding will probably be the instant people would stop being on your case. And if you have the audacity to think its only me, go take a sneak peak into the other thread called "Popping babies" a look.
hmm..........so why women don't make it known before hand and then keep complaining about in-laws all the time afterwards????
So what exactly do you think they should put before hand? that if their MIL turned into edit or the husband or FIL or BIL acted like losers or the SILS had jealousy attacks and conspiracies? Obviously NO ONE wants to start with this apprehensions or even night mares. In that case it would be much more convenient if the Inlaws themelves would put the preconditions and rather warnings for the newest member to be entering into the family, that they should enter being completely blind, dumb and deaf and with abilities of a machine.
And according to those experiences of yours, you have the right to generalize other peoples posts made on this particular forum as "Dil ki bharas"?
The instant you'd think twice before calling peoples efforts/posts on here just their darn "Dil ki bharaas" OR stop making "Popping babies" a source of giggles for your own very self or the social circle surrounding will probably be the instant people would stop being on your case. And if you have the audacity to think its only me, go take a sneak peak into the other thread called "Popping babies" a look.
**"Don't let gripes and lamenting on some anonomys internet thread define marriage for you...what you're reading here is just "dil ki bharaas"..."
**^^^Since you've seemed to zero in on this particular statement of mine, it leads to me to believe that you have trouble with reading comprehension....RV asked if even worth it to get married, if it's really that bad...and this was my response. Is jawaab may aapko kya buraa lagaa? You don't think that alot of what we read in Life1 thread is people venting their frustrations? Isn't that what "dil ki bharaas" means?
As far as the Popping Babies thread is concerned...again....I think you need to go back and read my response again...I CLEARLY backtracked and admitted that I misunderstood the context of the thread and immediately agreed that even though I probably have been guilty of this myself (I AM human afterall, unlike your holier-than-thou dood-ka-dhulawaa self) it's best to steer clear of inflammatory remarks of this nature.
a supplementary question to the girls/guys who would have not married if pre-conditions were not accepted
What if they guy (or the girl) is not fulfilling with his/her accepted pre-condition now after marriage? (for example, I'll take you to Pakistan every 2 years or my parents will not live with me etc etc) will u ask for divorce? what are your options?
I know many households where girls were promised that they will be allowed to work but now they are not allowed. I'd like to know what options they have.
Personally, I am not for having any pre-condition while entering into a relationship. Conditions reduces options.
THIS. thankyou. Pre-conditions denote a lack of trust somehow. And I dont think it is fair to start with it. Because whatever claims and vows and assertions are made, there have been compromises always and nevertheless. So why not rather have faith in goodness of life and people. Not every ILs are evil and same goes for the girls.
**"Don't let gripes and lamenting on some anonomys internet thread define marriage for you...what you're reading here is just "dil ki bharaas"..."
**^^^Since you've seemed to zero in on this particular statement of mine, it leads to me to believe that you have trouble with reading comprehension....RV asked if even worth it to get married, if it's really that bad...and this was my response. Is jawaab may aapko kya buraa lagaa? You don't think that alot of what we read in Life1 thread is people venting their frustrations? Isn't that what "dil ki bharaas" means?
As far as the Popping Babies thread is concerned...again....I think you need to go back and read my response again...I CLEARLY backtracked and admitted that I misunderstood the context of the thread and immediately agreed that even though I probably have been guilty of this myself (I AM human afterall, unlike your holier-than-thou dood-ka-dhulawaa self) it's best to steer clear of inflammatory remarks of this nature.
Stop attacking me for no reason.
The thread you're speaking of had a post where a certain someone like myself took out considerable amounts of time and put in efforts to share his own actual experiences regarding the matter. Only for you to label it as a "Dil ki bharas"?
As for popping babies, its pretty mind boggling to see you again defending the part where to you popping babies is just as easy as a Limca ki bottle, and hence gives you the right to use it as friendly banter or source of endless little chuckles/amusement you get out of it. Pfft.
Two suggestions is all I could provide for your righteous self.
There's a certain ignore list option available on the forums which you're free to make use of and with a "please" added in the mix
I agree with DC6 insofar as setting pre-conditions shows a lack of flexibility. But setting pre-conditions is different than having a discussion beforehand and getting an understanding of one another's priorities and lifestyles - that discussion is crucial!
Each of one us knows what we want and what we're capable of in the give and take a relationship requires. If we don't talk about issues that make up a couple's life together, i.e. raising children (where/how), parents/in-laws, careers, lifestyles, spending habits, religion, culture - you do yourself a disservice by walking into a marriage blind. You can have two "good" people, who nevertheless view life so differently than one another that their individual choices don't meld together and they are constantly at odds with one another. Having an open discussion about expectations should happen so that the two people can figure out whether they have enough in common to work at being married and happy together.
Back to the idea of setting pre-conditions, I'm reminded on one of the most important lessons my Mama taught me which is "never say never." She always stressed the fact that life has a way of humbling us and to say never is to challenge Allah's will - only He knows what the future holds. In the same way, setting preconditions is foolish - because life is so unexpected we don't know what is going to happen tomorrow and when we might have to eat our words.
Back to the idea of setting pre-conditions, I'm reminded on one of the most important lessons my Mama taught me which is "never say never." She always stressed the fact that life has a way of humbling us and to say never is to challenge Allah's will - only He knows what the future holds. In the same way, setting preconditions is foolish - because life is so unexpected we don't know what is going to happen tomorrow and when we might have to eat our words.
Your Mama is so smart, all my Mama did was tell me "Life is like a box of chocolates.." :-/ And then I gained all this weight :-/
jab tera mera shuru ho jaata hai wahan na rishta ho sakta hai na nibh sakta hai
there are a lot and i mean a LOT of other factors
what if the guy must for some reason live with his family but he AND his family are understanding that you have duties to your family too and the guy and the family are appreciative that you are OK with living with them...plus they give you your space to as they should...
i wanna know what is the problem in that case even if the guy made it clear that there are certian things due to which for now he has to be with his parents
you can have this "tera-mera" attitude all you want...but sometimes someone walks into your life and changes your view point completely
or your viewpoints change automatically or you are faced with circumstances that make you bend a little...
you cannot plan these things...a lot of these questions can only be answered based on your circumstances at the time a rishta arrives at your doorstep...and based on the attitudes and behaviors of the guy and his family...
if you decide even before rishta processes start that this is what you are going to do and this is what you're not going to do...you run the risk of becoming rigid in your views and fail to keep an open mind and when a proposal comes your way...fail in the sense that you fial to evaluate the rishta basd on ur current circumstances, what the guy brings to the table, how he is, how his family is etc...
how hard is it to differentiate between the threads??
i am not talking about whether its good or bad for DIL to live with in-laws, whether its islamic or not, Asian problem…halaal or haram…fair or not… stop ranting you women for godssake!!…your rants are for Reha’s thread…this is the other one
Sehrysh basically agreed with me…with just replacing precondition with the word discussion…basically the same thing…
and the rest of you…on topic please??
so all these women having tones of issues…wanting their hubbies to move (after marrying) were expecting angels in-laws?? are they all that naive??
It is one sided and most women are not appreciated for making the sacrifice but guess what...that's human nature.** Kids don't appreciate their parents and most in-laws will not appreciate the woman leaving her family.** Some in-laws will, but do not expect praise for your sacrifice. Dale Carnegie's book about "How to Stop Worrying..." talks about this. Make the sacrifice for your own reasons, without expectations, or you will be miserable. For all the talk about being mature, there seems to be a lot of complaining here, when in reality, you have a choice. Which leads me to my second point...
I'm assuming a lot of the women are not residing in Pakistan, hence, you should not have to worry about this. Just tell any prospective rishta that you do not want to move in with his parents. Either he'll agree or he won't, and then you have to evaluate how much you like him.
Husband-wife relationship does not compare to mother-child. The parent-child relationship has unconditional love and there isn't a thing you can do to make your parents hate you. Is that true for in-laws? Husband or wife?
No.
so all these women having tones of issues.....wanting their hubbies to move (after marrying) were expecting angels in-laws?? are they all that naive??
Yeah, they were naive and were expecting your parents to act like their own parents. So are you saying your parent wouldn't treat your wife fairly? That she should be prepared to be mistreated? After all...they are not "angels in laws". I mean isn't that what all of this is about? Family treating each other like family?
The thread you're speaking of had a post where a certain someone like myself took out considerable amounts of time and put in efforts to share his own actual experiences regarding the matter. Only for you to label it as a "Dil ki bharas"?
As for popping babies, its pretty mind boggling to see you again defending the part where to you popping babies is just as easy as a Limca ki bottle, and hence gives you the right to use it as friendly banter or source of endless little chuckles/amusement you get out of it. Pfft.
Two suggestions is all I could provide for your righteous self.
There's a certain ignore list option available on the forums which you're free to make use of and with a "please" added in the mix
Stop quoting me.
Thankyou
Goodbye/Allah hafiz
Was fun knowing you.
Aap ko quote karni kai liya mazarat chaati hoon, laikin:
You don't know me
Let me know when you grow a uterus, suffer through 4 miscarriages, go through countless surgeries, and IVF to bring 3 children into this world,then and only then will be qualified to comment on the ease/difficulty of childbirth. Again, you have proved that you possess selective reading skills.
I find it extremely ironic that you have been bashing me left and right for my views, yet in another thread you've liked the OP who was basically the same thing I was..
Dekho. Just hear me out once and from a neutral/nonprejudiced stand point. Once you do that, I'd be thoroughly content with whatever opinions you form and of me. Theek? Nawazish/karam/shukriya.
Now this goes back to yesterday. I remember I tried hard to make you (specifically and not the ones before you) understand how demeaning or derogated using the term "Popping babies" could be for women even if its to be used in a humorous or light hearted manner. Why did I try hard explaining it to you? because before that very incident, I did read a number of your posts, found most of them to be neutral and enlightening and hence didn't take long to develop an obvious amount of respect for you and your posts.
So once you came to support the idea of it being absolutely fine for everyone to use "Popping babies" in a amusing/fun sort of manner, It actually irked me. (Now don't think i'd be trying to impose my beliefs on to anyone, also I totally understand everyone and their thresholds to certain things ought to be different as well) So continuing, regardless of all that, I did keep my calm and continued to elaborate on where I may have been coming from, I gave up once you picked up on the irrelevant little bit and asked if it was "insult or praise" and ignored/avoided the bit that may have been of much interest. I said fine and left politely. Now I must confess, I wasn't totally over it. I thought I was but I realized I wasn't when today you said "Sub yahan dil ki bharas nikal rahay hain" in another thread that I myself genuinely put in efforts for. It was anything but Dil ki bharaas on my part. And that is precisely where I lost my calm. Shouldn't have but I did.
Conclusively, thats my part of the story and as exaggerated it may sound, I realized later how better I could've done in avoiding the rash arguments that ensued soon after, for which is precisely what I asked you to stop quoting me. Trust me though, I don't get the superiority or the victorious kicks out of criticizing/wronging someone on their views or opinions about whatever the bleep it is they hold about.
All said and done, I do owe you an apology for the rash/uncalled for behavior. Totally your call if you wish to accept or not. I don't know what else I could do to make it up to you, but if there is anything. I'm all ears. But yes, again, Sorry for the rude behavior.
Apology accepted and thank you. I did not mean to come off as some crazed harpy either. As you said, if you go back and search through my replies/posts, I am generally a very even tempered/neutral person.
I enjoyed the healthy discourse…aaga dhekte hain hota hai kya…
Not ALL the wives have wanted their hubbies to move out of the family, Bro. Many are still living with the in laws and are managing to keep family value intact. You need to widen your circle of observations. Its only L1 where inlaws issues are highlighted usually. For the same dil ki bharhas reason. People are managing even if there aint no angels on either side
i am talking about those who have predisposed notions about not living with in-laws…they simply don’t want to live with them…regardless of goodness or badness… no amount of goodness is enough for them… they do end up finding tons of reasons to complain about in-laws and then there is all that drama that follows…
just look at all the unmarried women and their in-law phobia..
they need to decide before doing it all… whats the point of not making it known earlier…and waiting for shiz to happen…and then make noises and wanting to move away etc etc??
Not all… and i am not talking about those… why does it have to be all or nothing… i am talking about a specific subset…
'‘managing’ tells a lot … its like… i don’t really want to be dealing with this..but i just have to because i have no other choice…
isn’t it better to be happy/enjoying/living rather than just ‘managing’??? what say you??
PS: my circle of observations has to remain within the scope of observations that is common with the audience…
Sehrysh basically agreed with me.......with just replacing precondition with the word discussion........basically the same thing.........
and the rest of you.........on topic please??
Nope, actually I didn't agree with you, I agreed with DC6. There is a big difference between a discussion and setting preconditions. The first is getting to know each other and their likes/dislikes/expectations and there's room for compromise here. While the second is telling the other person - unless you do this, we're not getting married - it's an absolute.
Nope, actually I didn't agree with you, I agreed with DC6. There is a big difference between a discussion and setting preconditions. The first is getting to know each other and their likes/dislikes/expectations and there's room for compromise here. While the second is telling the other person - unless you do this, we're not getting married - it's an absolute.
all i was saying was.......... agree beforehand about living arrangements..... and if you don't want to live with in-laws.......make it known to the other party beforhand......rather than getting into it and then trying to change everything......... agree or disagree?
all i was saying was.......... agree beforehand about living arrangements..... and if you don't want to live with in-laws.......make it known to the other party beforhand......rather than getting into it and then trying to change everything......... agree or disagree?
Not quite. Yes, there are some girls who will refuse to live with the in-laws, those girls should set this as a precondition to marriage.
But for all others who are more reasonable and understanding, get to know whether the guy is capable of balancing his relationships with his parents/siblings and you. Will he give you equal consideration and be fair to everyone? Get to know his parents and siblings and figure out will they welcome you to the family and treat you with respect and consideration. And more than that, are you the prospective DIL girl capable of returning respect and consideration for her in-laws.
Like I said, never say never, because who knows what the future holds...
…your rants are for Reha’s thread…this is the other one
WTF…just happened here? A civil reconciliation on teh interwebz? I R cunfyoosed.
… its like… i don’t really want to be dealing with this..but i just have to because i have no other choice…