Living together before marriage.

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Living together before marriage.

I know two couples who lived together, both relationships failed afterwards...whether it had to do with living together at first, I dont know..

22

Re: Living together before marriage.

so you live together, so hanky panky one fine day have a fight, you break up and move out... you fall in love with another guy move in ... hanky panky ... fight ... break up ... move out ... new guy .... move in ... cycle again n again until eternity (you get married or too old for hanky panky any more) ...????

whats the ?

23

Re: Living together before marriage.

I'm more traditional. I don't like the idea of living together before marriage.

24

Re: Living together before marriage.

I wouldn't, it would make marrying him less special as living together is essentially that w/o the legal documents and rings.

25

Re: Living together before marriage.

When I found out people in Pakistan have gf and bf (many to be exact), my jaw dropped

I guess this is the next logical step

Sigh, the end is nigh Pakistan :(

26

Re: Living together before marriage.

Tum bhee bana lo! ;)

But I don't get the part that you don't get an emotional connection with a person, because you can do hanky panky after a fight, unlike our culture where engaged people don't live together and communication is more discrete. I think it must be due to the financial consequences of breaking a marriage that must scare a couple to reconciliate, as I am sure women are expert at using emotional blackmail before they give in for any hanky panky.

27

Re: Living together before marriage.

My mum's brother lived with his ex-wife before marriage, first in Russia then in the UK but when they decided to marry my grandparents said 'no' on the grounds of her having 'loose morals' for living with him (of course his own morals were apparently fine).. They did go on to marry anyway but then divorced a few years down the line..

I know a few desi couples living together my own age, but behind their parents' backs.. It never really interested me to actually go that step further and move in with a guy before marriage, just my own personal preference.. I suppose I would have found it a bit suffocating if I'm honest - at a time when I'm not ready to be with someone 'full time.'

28

Re: Living together before marriage.

This is what happens when "teh kool kidz" who are way too cool for any religion basterdise our culture

29

Re: Living together before marriage.

Dont know of any desi couples living together without marriage

and dont agree with it at all because of same reasons as many of the above posters

30

Re: Living together before marriage.

You're on to something, because studies show cohabitation statistically increases the chances of divorce. Ironically, couples who cohabit do it with the intention of determining their compatibility, to try each other on for size so to speak, when in fact the dynamics created in this environment actually undermines this process.

31

Re: Living together before marriage.

Ditto.

32

Re: Living together before marriage.

If my religion/culture/parents allowed it, I still wouldn't live with him.

1) Moving in too soon weakens the relationship in my opinion
2) It's basically the same thing as being married without the paperwork and committment
3) The quote about the milk and cow someone mentioned :)
4) It's nice to have something to new and exciting to look forward to after marriage

I WOULD however, love to be permitted to go on vacations with him right now. I am a big travel buff and go someone every six months or so, and I really wish I could take my fiance with me and enjoy the beauty of the world with him instead of having to wait until we got married to travel together :)

33

Re: Living together before marriage.

every desi "cohabitation" scenario as failed because the guy has turned around later down the line and accused the girl of having "loose morals" and tha the wants someone "paak and saaf"...i only know of 2 such cases because my friends and I aren't like that at all, so I can't speak for every case. I wouldn't do it because there's just a pardah that you have with someone of the opposite gender and it's really weird to not have that anymore because you live with them. If he's not my husband/brother/father/close male relative, i don't think it's appropriate for him to see me sleeping in the bed sprawled out, etc. it might be irrational, but that's how i feel

34

Re: Living together before marriage.

I think both sides have their pros and cons.
Pros of moving b/marriage=
-You know what to look forward to after marriage
-Your understanding in living in the same house increases
-You get an idea of financial situation and freedom and all that stuff and how it would be after marriage
-You can walkout if your not pleasant without getting into the whole process of getting married and filiing divorce

Pros of moving in after marriage=
-You have something to look forward to after marriage
-Your not labeled "Chichori" or any negative remark.
-You have freedom for longer and you can flirt and look out for more options till married lol :P

I personally have a friendl from my H.S, desi offcourse who got pregnant before marriage, got kicked out of the house when her parents found out about it, and then she moved in with her boyfriend who is also pakistani(shes indian guju,muslim). Now the guy lives with her half the week and the other half of week he stays with his family. I am not sure why they are still married, she apparently does show off as being religious now. Her parents have accepted her now and stuff. Oh well...

35

Re: Living together before marriage.

okay so opposite sex can't be room mates?

36

Re: Living together before marriage.

Generally speaking, it's never a good idea. First, you are upsetting your parents. Second, it's not really worth losing your respect in the eyes of other people in your circle. Let's face it, it's not going to sit well with your chacha chachi mamu mami, etc etc. Third, would you let you younger sister move in with some random dude in his apartment/house? I know I wouldn't...

This goes beyond being an atheist and what not... If you ain't 30some, you don't understand life enough to make that big of a decision. This will cause more heartache than anything...

37

Re: Living together before marriage.

very weird. very very weird.

38

Re: Living together before marriage.

Ya Riteeeee! IF you are gonna live in separate rooms, why bother staying in same home? :halo:

39

Re: Living together before marriage.

You are talking about a small class of people that has a negligible existence (specially in Lahore). Those are the ultra-liberal types who are hardly a part of our society.

40

Re: Living together before marriage.

@ZareenKhan - to save on rent

@Theorist - lol again to save on rent

so if guy and a girl were put in a room they would have hot instantaneous sex?