So the other day my friends and I were talking and this issue came up.
What exactly is the appeal of getting married after living together? Our issue was a bit different, but I want to know it from a non-Muslim, non-Desi point of view. After living together, having sex, knowing how the other person lives, what exactly is the appeal of getting married, of being acknowledged by the govt? In my views, there’s no significant changes, you’re still living with them, there’s none of the excitement of finally having sex, it’s the same thing.
there are some (..um..very few ..) people whom your just can't get enough of.. The more you dig in ..the more interesting things you find about them....so you would WANT to spend your life with someone like that
Queer! u hit the nail on the head when u talk abt tax benefits..I think govt. should have no say in recognizing or not recognizing marriage...the result would be that ppl wont be getting rebate and nobody would care abt the definition of marriage..n queers will be relieved...(I'm straight 100 %)
Marriage is an institution that ensures tax rebate ....:)
I guess I qualify as a non-desi non-mulsim. Also lived with my hubby before marriage and know lots of others who have done the same. There are many reasons for it...some aren't quite financially ready, want to save for a house before marriage etc. Others arent sure about making that serious lifetime commitment and want to see how things go. These are the top reasons I know of.
"None of the excitement of wedding night sex"...well thats a pale reason I think. When you love someone deeply, the wedding night is very special whether you've previously indulged or not.
I'm wondering about this term "common law marriage" ... I've seen desis use it I think referring to a couple who live together. As far as the law, a couple who have lived together for seven years are then considered legally married even though there is no official marriage certificate. If they've lived together for less time than 7 years they are simply just 2 people sharing the rent in the eyes of the law.
As far as the benefits of being married as opposed to living together...A marriage is a special bond and solemn vow to honor and cherish "till death do us part". And most people want to have this bond prior to children. The tax benefits and being able to share employment benefits (such as medical insurance) are important but they really dont figure into the decision of most people I know as to whether to marry or not.
okay fine ..u got me there..
real reason: FINANCIAL SUPPORT
(observing the trend: everyone here wants to marry a rich ass doc..n the funny thing is they actually do get one..man if it contiues this way..mera kiya hoga..)..heck some girls even get marry to buddah guyz these days solely for $$$…
ok on the serious note- feeling of belonging..and security ( yeS i think even non-desis look for these things).
IMO if you have already been living with someone for a number of years then marraige is a mere formality. If you love someone enough and get along with them enough to be living with them as a couple then whats a piece of paper going to do? As mama said marraige is a solemn vow...till death do us part, but do you really need an official ceremoney to declare that? To me a divorce and a break-up with someone you are living with would take the same toll sans the labels and if you decide someone is good enough for you to live with then you might aswell be married to them first.
Breaking up is definitely not the same as divorce. In the former, a guy doesn't get hurt much. In the latter, the wife walks away with the car, the house, the kids, and a certain portion of your weekly paycheck.
Personally, I think guys keep this in mind when telling their partner "Lets not get married, but lets live together".
They want the bang, but not the responsibility that goes along with it.
I am not sure, where you are. But here (in Canada) after 6 months of living together you are considered “Common Law” … which basically means you are considered marrige - unless you can prove that you are not in a relationship (paying rent / not sleepin / etc)
to the original poster:
Other than non-religious values of all religions. Other than physical (matrialistic) issues. It also (usually) have a huge impact on the psychic of the person. The way they interact with other person, the options available to them in life (flexibility of changing jobs / cities or changing life partners). As soon as a person is married they do think of themselves as more mature, more responsible etc.
Also just like human nature, it differes from person to person, reigon to reigon, culture to culture - there is no 1 answer for anyfin. I know muslim people they claim that its just a licence to have sx. Other claim its just a piece of paper with no value at all.
Needless to say, most of them are living misrable lives (not my opinion - their own words).
I love Quran so much because it gives the open challenge about everyfin thats - after trying all possible options you will come back to the path Quran has laid down for you! Marrige b/w one man and a woman is there for a reason. It builds families, that builds societies and rightous societies can create heaven on earth
I wasn’t talking about myself, I know my views on this issue. I was asking for other ppls opinions so I cud figure out wat aspect of marriage wud be appealing for someone whos lived together.
can find the reason?