There might not be many here, still those, that are, please share your experiences. How long have you been living in a joint family system and what kind of problems did you face/ still facing? How did you/ are you couping? I would find it really difficult to live among too many people and try to make each of them happy. Also, what about the inlaws saga.. dil/mil/sil conflicts? if anyone of you ever went through, did you involve your husband/ gave them your piece of heart or kept bearing everything coming to yourself like an angel? What should be the course of action in such a situation? As girls are usually told not to act like a monster in their inlaws. Not to bring everything on to your husband as he will take it as you are after his mother/sisters/family. What were/are your experiences in this regard?
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
There already is a thread on this topic.
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/life-and-relationships/423643-these-days-joint-family-system.html
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
oh, my bad. Didnt see that. I hope its running too. Because I started this not for the sake of gossip or so.
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
Orpheus, I just checked the link you gave. That thread is inactive since more than one and half month. So this wasnt really a bad move. We might need to exchange views anytime we need help. Plus, this thread is somewhat different in nature, more feminine perspective required here. I hope someone can read and get the sense of it. So gracious of you for your help.
rene..its hard ot live in a joint family regardless if u r married or not..but fi ur married or engaged or whatever the girl has got to watch out fot eh jealous rrelatives of the husband in the house..im tlaking about the ones other than his own nuclear fmily..like the aunts uncles n cousins..n she should not trust them ..but it is sort of hard to hide things whilst they r under teh same roof
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
ok, let me tell you! Im not married yet (getting married next year InshAllah!), but have lived in a joint family since I was born!
My dad moved to Canada almost 40 years ago. My mom moved here right after they got married (32 years ago). The year after my mom came, the rest of my dads family came too, parents, 2 brothers, 2 sisters (2 sisters stayed in Pakistan cause they were already married). Now I cant tell you what it was like in the beginning for my mom, because at the beginning I wasnt born, and obviously I didnt know what was going on around me until I was old enough to understand. My dadi and popohs (from what my older brother tells me) were extremely rude/mean to my mother, and tell her to leave the house - but only when my father wasnt home. My father owned the house, paid all the bills, and his parents, sisters and brothers all lived in the house rent free, not paying for anything. My dad even paid for all their education so they could make something out of themselves. So think about this....in one house lived - my parents, me and siblings (3 all together), grandparents, 2 chachas, and 2 popohs. But it doesnt stop there....one of my chachas got married, brought his wife from pakistan - lived in the same house. they had a child - still lived in the house with everyone. then my second chacha got married, but he moved out. THEN....get this....popoh got married to a guy from pakistan....and moved him here, to MY PARENTS HOUSE!!!! Then second popoh got married......moved her husband here from pakistan, and stayed in MY PARENTS HOUSE!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS!!!! And all this time, they are living here, not paying for anything (both my parents work to run the house!), they are so rude to my mother, them and my dadi gang up on my mom. Because of this, I HATE my dads family (well his sisters and mother), and my dada is just as bad as his wife....always saying rude/mean things to my mother. It makes me so angry. Now that Im older, I can stand up for her, but at the same time, how long can I stand up for her....Im going to be leaving next year, and then what? I dont want to make it worse for her before I leave.
At first, she wouldnt tell my dad what was going on. But then my dad started to realize it himself, and he takes her side.....but at the same time, there really isnt any option. Popohs finally moved out some years back, and my other chacha moved out too. So now its just grandparents with us. My younger chacha wont take his parents to live with him, my older chacha sometimes asks them, but my chachi is SO against it (even though my dadi is her khala!), and my grandparents are very old now, so older people dont really like to move around too much. They have settled down a bit now (not as rude and mean to my mother), but sometimes they become rude again.
Because of this experience, I would not want to live in a joint family. Alhamdilillah, I wont be living with my in-laws.....
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
Isn't it illegal for 15 people to live under one roof (yes I actually counted).
^ lol seriously? 
In Pakistan? or in the US?
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
In US
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
and in Dubai too 
I cant believe i have lived some time back with 13 ppl under one roof
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
i wish someone would post here their experiences.
i'm very choosy about my eating habits and i will be getting married in a year or two..
i have the option of either living with in laws or without.
my cousin and my sister tell me its a blessing as you dont have to work or cook. you dont have to worry about the groceries. but i personally think there is too much interference.
there is no personal time that the couples needs. so i need experiences by real life.
[quote=““crazyfool””]
why do they not have to cook or do any work? do they live in a hotel? im sorry but those are some really rude and lame excuses to living in a joint family. i wonder what their mils thinkg bout thir bahus ..
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
I have 7 nieces and nephews(mA) living in my house and 8 adults and Alhamdulillah we are all happy, and this might sound funny but my mums the one telling my brothers and their wives to mov out but they r the ones who choose to stay there. IMO It really depends on the women who r married in to the family they can either make or brake a family. :)
p.s. I would seriously have issues with a future sis in law of mine if she was already planning to move out.
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
i live in a joint family. granted its not a whole lotta ppl.. in laws and husband and me with our 1 yr old. sil moved to canada after marriage.
we have our tiffs and tats but we love living together.. colrful eyes said it right.. it depends on the women of the hosuehold to keep human around each other and treat others hwo they wanna be treated. no bad mouthing, talking to the person themselves when there is a problem, fear of god in ones heart.. all great qualities to have if a joint family system is to work .. thankfully for me, it works out great :)
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
i guess more of it depends on the eldests of the family too. if the roots are rotten...
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
Rene - so is the tree? LOL
The guy i like: has his mum, dad, 2 married bros each with 2 kids each (plus 2 wifes - one each) and his bro. Inc him.
Thats..... 12 people.....
I think its a bit much...... he wants live there when we are married.
(No chance)
I've been living in such a system and know others who are or have. Without going into any detail, I'll say that it's best to live separately, at least for some time in the beginning. If you really want to stay together, I would suggest having a really big house. So for instance, if there are 3 brothers and their families living in the same house, with their parents then a 3 bedroom house is not enough.
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
there's nothing wrong with living alone but the whole "no chance I'm living with ur family" type of attitude wont get u very far dear....
Re: Living in a Joint Family system
living together isnt really bad if the people know how to respect others and their privacy.
thers no point in arguing about it..if u get hte option of choosing..ur lucky..lots ofg irls dont even get he option n if tehy shw or say anything to the extent of we want to live seperaltey they become the outcast of the family very soon..