I face this conundrum in my life and can’t seem to come to a conclusion about this issue.
A lot of us end up having to move away for higher education…because it might be a better school, better scholarship, or perhaps the only option in this competitive world (esp if it’s a professional school like a medical/dental school)
but I am always hung on the idea that by doing this im missing time that i could be spending with my family. i cant seem to find the balance in this.
how do you guys reason with all of this?
and plus. i jsut hate being alone. like one of my roommates i hate her, but id rather have her in the room and not talk at all than be in an apt alone. aaah that makes me wanna scream. or run away.
how do you deal with this and whats your reasoning behind it? and isit a good idea to give up on something just so you can stay close to family and perhaps find something closer to home or should one take the opportunities that come their way?
If u just moved away recently then I'd like to tell u that this feeling will pass, it will get easier, ull get used to it and find a new normal. If uv been living away for over a year and still feel the same way then u might just be a homebody and always miss ur home and family. Also, if u make good close friends then the transition will be easier and it'll help tide u over to the nnew normal. Meanwhile u can always Skype with ur family often, that always helps. What has really helped me keep in touch with my family and friends is messaging. Create a whatsapp group with all ur family members or just siblings and message each other boring everyday stuff and exciting happening stuff. Since its like an ongoing conversation and everyone in the group gets all the messages/pics/videos it's really helped keep in touch with my siblings and getting pics and videos of my nieces learning new words or doing a funny dance etc. I have one group for my siblings and one group for my husbands siblings. It keeps everyone in the loop and sharing random pics and funny happenings of our kids keeps everyone connected and together.
Life is about growing up, my job as a parent is to make my kids independent, when I first sent my boy @ 12 away from home my honey wanted to go with him, I told her that I am sending him away to learn to be away from us, we only grow by doing things that are uncomfortable for us, I teach my kids every day to get out of their comfort zone so they may grow, I am not a big fan of over attachment, that would be lovely if they stay close but very selfish of me, now they r too independent an I m on GS
It cripples you, it hinders your emotional and psychological growth, I watched a national geography show where this young chimp died of grief when the mom chimp died, I want my kids to handle it properly when we die, my mandate is for my kids to not hang around me if I get sick life is not about sucking life out of loved ones...you have read threads where parents are sucking life out of their kids
It cripples you, it hinders your emotional and psychological growth, I watched a national geography show where this young chimp died of grief when the mom chimp died, I want my kids to handle it properly when we die, my mandate is for my kids to not hang around me if I get sick life is not about sucking life out of loved ones...you have read threads where parents are sucking life out of their kids
hmmm. not convinced yet
tell me more....how do you justify all of this. are you a proponent of everyone jsut living their individualistic lives and meeting for holidays while regretting it?
Girl, enjoy this time whilst you can! You wont always have to live far for uni, you'll be done with school in no time. And then you can move back home and find work closer to you family.
Seriously just work hard now and focus on where you want to eventually be in life and think about the origional reasons you first wanted to attend uni. As for missing your loved ones, you could always phone, write, email, skype, visit and much more.
Just hang in there! Its always harder at first because you've been so accustomed to living at home amongst your loved ones and now your out of your comfort zone a little. You'll be fine!
Girl, enjoy this time whilst you can! You wont always have to live far for uni, you'll be done with school in no time. And then you can move back home and find work closer to you family.
Seriously just work hard now and focus on where you want to eventually be in life and think about the origional reasons you first wanted to attend uni. As for missing your loved ones, you could always phone, write, email, skype, visit and much more.
Just hang in there! Its always harder at first because you've been so accustomed to living at home amongst your loved ones and now your out of your comfort zone a little. You'll be fine!
i know what you're saying...but im not a 16 year old who'll be back home by the time she's like 20. i'll be more close to hitting 30s. so much time will pass, time that couldve been spent taking care of parents, playing with my nieces and nephews and being near loved one. i dont wanna turn into a lonely lady...ya know and miss out on all good things in life...
Philosophy, how long have you been away from home?
this isn't only about me.
i've always lived away for uni...but i visit them like every weekend
so i guess im asking about like a more permanent far away move....that won't allow regular visits
tell me more....how do you justify all of this. are you a proponent of everyone jsut living their individualistic lives and meeting for holidays while regretting it?
I am different in my Philosophy about the purpose of children, one of my rules is unconditional love, you love them for who they are and not what they can do for you. I have no expectations attached to them. I am planning to have a very active and fullfilling old age, I have hobbies and activities planned, why should they suffer if I don't know how to live a full life..poor mommy daddy ..sob..sob they are so lonely..sigh..that is not going to be me, I will be camping in Alaska and Pacific Rim, my heroes are like the Japanese man who scale Everest at 80.
The belief in Pakistani culture is we gave them birth now they owe us their life, that is not my philosphy, I think that just the pleasure of watching them grow is a reward enough, I personally am not expecting them to take care of me, I want to live and die in dignity not wailing and whinning for attention, I have social skills, I will make friends in the nursing home.
I want them to be the best they can be, if that means in far off lands, then so be it, or closer if that is best for them.
Again I differ in my belief from people that say to the children, I gave you now your turn to give back, I want to give forever and not take, My neighbors Dad 82 still comes around to help shovel the snow.
i've always lived away for uni...but i visit them like every weekend
so i guess im asking about like a more permanent far away move....that won't allow regular visits
I know it's not only about you but I asked because you talked about yourself in the OP..
You don't have to make a more permanent move away if you don't want to.. I lived away for uni and then more recently before I married as well.. I liked that but I wouldn't move further than a hundred or so miles away.. That's just my personal preference..
I understand your dilemma and I'm going through it too. I'm about a 16 hour drive away from family for my present job and I feel intensely alone especially on weekends. I'll be checking this thread to see if anybody can offer some good advice too to overcome the blues.
I am different in my Philosophy about the purpose of children, one of my rules is unconditional love, you love them for who they are and not what they can do for you. I have no expectations attached to them. I am planning to have a very active and fullfilling old age, I have hobbies and activities planned, why should they suffer if I don’t know how to live a full life..poor mommy daddy ..sob..sob they are so lonely..sigh..that is not going to be me, I will be camping in Alaska and Pacific Rim, my heroes are like the Japanese man who scale Everest at 80.
The belief in Pakistani culture is we gave them birth now they owe us their life, that is not my philosphy, I think that just the pleasure of watching them grow is a reward enough, I personally am not expecting them to take care of me, I want to live and die in dignity not wailing and whinning for attention, I have social skills, I will make friends in the nursing home.
I want them to be the best they can be, if that means in far off lands, then so be it, or closer if that is best for them.
Again I differ in my belief from people that say to the children, I gave you now your turn to give back, I want to give forever and not take, My neighbors Dad 82 still comes around to help shovel the snow.
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One could read your post and say that everything you’re doing for them, is not about them but about you. You have set standards of how your life should be when you are old, and you are just creating the right environment so things end up that way.
One could think that for you to have independent life when you are in your sixties, you sent your kid away when he was only 12, regardless of thinking that he might be emotionally needing yours and your better half’s presence.
I am not criticising your choices. I am just sharing the perspective that one can develop from your post.
I understand your dilemma and I'm going through it too. I'm about a 16 hour drive away from family for my present job and I feel intensely alone especially on weekends. I'll be checking this thread to see if anybody can offer some good advice too to overcome the blues.
THANK YOU. somebody understood what im trying to to say, how old r u
and how long do you think youll be away from home?
:hinna: