Re: Like A Virgin…
men can be so stupid!!! really 0_o
waisay kitnay smart buntay haen
Korn, a lot of the time guys can't tell (even if they say they can).. I know of a few who have said their new wives were 'pure' when they married them when I know for a fact they weren't and conversely I know of a couple of girls who lost their virginity to men who had no clue it was just their first time.. not all girls find it hurts the first time, not all girls bleed, not all girls go all shy and scared.. some do make the first move on the wedding night and aren't passive.. truth is there is no clear way to tell cos our bodies and behaviour are all so different..
how do you know they were not virgins?? don't you find it wrong, their husbands don't know about it>?
^Of course I find it wrong if either partner lies to their other half regarding virginity.. I think in those cases tho the men just assumed wife was 'pure' which we knew wasn't true cos we knew they'd had relationships in uni and they said themselves they weren't virgins.
To be honest their husbands kinda deserved it anyway as they themselves also had relationships but still thought they were somehow entitled to a virgin wife.. (the aunties who brought the couples together stupidly assumed cos they were doctors they would automatically be 'decent')
If the question never comes up I don't think it's a big deal to just keep quiet but if husband or wife actually asks and the other person lies (even tho in Islam ur advised to 'conceal ur sins') I don't think it's fair. Lahori, if u have honestly never had a physical/sexual relationship with anyone of course u have the right to expect the same from ur future wife.. whether or not u can guarantee she is a virgin is an entirely diff matter tho..
Totally agree with Fatimah87:
'As long as you both know the score as far as your history with other partners are concerned there shouldn't be an issue. Speak to eachother honestly about your past and your expectations should be based on the way you remained yourself or being open to your partner having a different experience. Long as you don't judge the other by rules you didn't/ couldn't adhere to **for whatever reason should mean no issue.'
**
Re: Like A Virgin...
Its says alot about the person's 'liberal' past. Even if they have turned around, it would take alot to prove that...not worth risking your life for. rape is a different story, that is not related to character.
It is definitely important but nowadays it seems looking for a virgin partner is like asking for too much 
Re: Like A Virgin...
"Fair enough
Unfortunately by personal interaction I have noticed that desi guys who sleep around a lot still expect 'pure' women"
That's true. I would say MOST desi men want virgin wifes regardless of whether they themselves are virgins or not. Definitely double standards there.
I know a fewwww desi girls who have denied meeting guys for arranged marriages because they know that the kind of guys and family they are being hooked up with.. would want a virgin.. but these girls are not...
I'm 26.. in a relationship.. if this doesnt work out and I'm back on the market.. I would actually prefer NOT to have a virgin gf.. haha..... I don't want a slut.. but a complete virgin? Come on.. if a girl is 25+ and shes a virgin.. shes probably pretty boring or lame or somethign wrong with her mentally or physically that allll these young yrs of her life she never hooked up..
I wouldn't want a slut.. but a LITTLE trained atleast ;).. I dont wanna spend so much time getting rid of her insecurities and initial dramaas :D
"Fair enough
Unfortunately by personal interaction I have noticed that desi guys who sleep around a lot still expect 'pure' women"
That's true. I would say MOST desi men want virgin wifes regardless of whether they themselves are virgins or not. Definitely double standards there.
I know a fewwww desi girls who have denied meeting guys for arranged marriages because they know that the kind of guys and family they are being hooked up with.. would want a virgin.. but these girls are not...
I'm 26.. in a relationship.. if this doesnt work out and I'm back on the market.. I would actually prefer NOT to have a virgin gf.. haha..... I don't want a slut.. but a complete virgin? Come on.. *if a girl is 25+ and shes a virgin.. shes probably pretty boring or lame or somethign wrong with her mentally or physically that allll these young yrs of her life she never hooked up.. * I wouldn't want a slut.. but a LITTLE trained atleast ;).. I dont wanna spend so much time getting rid of her insecurities and initial dramaas :D
haha wow i;m speechless.
^ Sharabee dude your not outspoken are you..
I find Dheeba's posts the most wisest and insightful.
However Dheeba, although you are correct, 'one should conceal thier sins'. In Islam regarding some issues that are important or could affect the party concerned, and especially if they ask, they have the right to know.
Info can also be conveyed in respect preserving and indirect manners.
Since the common comment here is 'often you cannot tell a guys virginity', I'll give an example of a friends case.
A good female and religious friend of mine from - from a very religious family in pakistan, is in the process of getting married.
Initially, Her family and her as saw the guy and family as shareef and excellent and all.
2 years back she got engaged to him upon which she started talking to him and started admiring him very much.
Just before Nikah. The Guy said, he could not hide it longer and disclosed to her that he had a relationship before her in college/uni. i.e he was not virgin.
The Girl was ofcourse surprised and shocked, but she decided to proceed with the Nikah, as she liked him and forgave him looking at his present amended self and qualities.
I asked her later-- about this---she said she was not so comfortable with it on thinking, but said she forgives him as he was honest, loves her, and has now started reading namaz and stuff, and as she also loves him.
Well....the point is: Not all guys lie. People do have a consious. If something is important to you, you should ask. If somebody is sincerely is the good human being you belive and really likes you, and respects you and made understood something is important to you, he is could be honest.
And practically speaking- I do not think virginity in either male or female is always a small issue that could/should be concealed. Ofcourse previous marriage or rape is acceptable, however a person who could have been constantly sinning in the past could have some baggage left over that could affect the marriage.
Some peoples kids do not turn out right, and ofcourse the s.t.ds that sometimes the person is not aware themself they have.
Some people do repent-but how do you know.
If its important to you, you should ask.
The draw-back is- be prepared up for similar questions :
....
Re: Like A Virgin...
arrgh---too much lumbi post again--tried keeping it short==sorry!
Re: Like A Virgin...
I cannot believe some of the responses in here.. I think we need to open a hot virgins club to show that just because some people were able to control their hormones doesn't mean there's something "mentally or physically" wrong with them.
Re: Like A Virgin...
Marwah.. I'm not saying that a 25+ virgin girl definitely has mental or physical problems.. I meant that the probability is pretty high...
Marwah.. I'm not saying that a 25+ virgin girl definitely has mental or physical problems.. I meant that the probability is pretty high...
How unintelligent.
Seriously, I think most people here would have the utmost respect for a 25+ virgin seeing as these days most kids don't make it past their 16th birthday as a true virgin.
Being a 25+ virgin shows how much control and deen that person has in their hearts....how much willpower they have. This is a quality to be admired.
Not all virgins are virgins because they are ugly social rejects. Yes, there are some that are virgins simply because they want to get laid and can't....but then there are so many people that have AMPLE opportunities to do the deed and still stay true to Allah...
Re: Like A Virgin...
"Not all virgins are virgins because they are ugly social rejects." ... I never said aLL.. I said probability.. and this isnt a discussion of fact and myth.. these are personal opinions of what we would accept or not..
I am only saying that a 25+ virgin would PROBABLY not be a good match for ME...
^Of course I find it wrong if either partner lies to their other half regarding virginity.. I think in those cases tho the men just assumed wife was 'pure' which we knew wasn't true cos we knew they'd had relationships in uni and they said themselves they weren't virgins.
To be honest their husbands kinda deserved it anyway as they themselves also had relationships but still thought they were somehow entitled to a virgin wife.. (the aunties who brought the couples together stupidly assumed cos they were doctors they would automatically be 'decent')
If the question never comes up I don't think it's a big deal to just keep quiet but if husband or wife actually asks and the other person lies (even tho in Islam ur advised to 'conceal ur sins') I don't think it's fair. Lahori, if u have honestly never had a physical/sexual relationship with anyone of course u have the right to expect the same from ur future wife.. whether or not u can guarantee she is a virgin is an entirely diff matter tho..
Totally agree with Fatimah87:
'As long as you both know the score as far as your history with other partners are concerned there shouldn't be an issue. Speak to eachother honestly about your past and your expectations should be based on the way you remained yourself or being open to your partner having a different experience. Long as you don't judge the other by rules you didn't/ couldn't adhere to **for whatever reason should mean no issue.'
**
I guess its fair enough that if you are virgin then you expect one .. .. .. but if you are not then expecting something like that is BS***
Re: Like A Virgin...
If i can stay a virgin then i think the guy i marry should be a virgin also. I guess, if i've known him for a while and he tells me he's not but i really like then sure it's fine (b/c he didn't lie to me, and also if he promises to stay loyal to me then it's fine) ... but if it's some random guy my parents choose for me... then oh no, it's not happening if he's not a virgin.
Re: Like A Virgin...
just for the curious ones here...
a paki girl in Lahore aged 37 was still virgin.... wud u believe it!!!!
yes i believe it, coz she was my frnds sister, a dark, not so hot female, jis ki waja say koi rishta he nahi bechaari kay liye aata tha!!!!!
Allah ka shuker hai, ab uski shaadi ho gai hai, aur sada abaad hai upnay ghar mein!!!!!
just for the curious ones here...
a paki girl in Lahore aged 37 was still virgin.... wud u believe it!!!!
yes i believe it, coz she was my frnds sister, a dark, not so hot female, jis ki waja say koi rishta he nahi bechaari kay liye aata tha!!!!!
Allah ka shuker hai, ab uski shaadi ho gai hai, aur sada abaad hai upnay ghar mein!!!!!
it's sad how some sisters can't get married b/c of stupid reasons: skin color, age etc.
where in the hell did that "hurt" thingy came from, its not the issue here
YES U CAN know if a girl is virgin or not!!!!!! i don't know how you can give that statement!!!!!!
For males, yes i wud say, they somewat get away by hiding there 5 to 7 past gfs in every year or even more!!!!!
hey there korn!
what part of my post did u not like? so many exclamation marks??
like i said u cant physically tell if a girl is a virgin or not, its not like u perforate a sheer membrane or something...its a fact not a statement made by me.
And if the intercourse hurts it could b a sign of virginity, but like Deeba already said its different for every woman.
but if ur saying u can tell, how do u think u can tell? im curious to know..
"Not all virgins are virgins because they are ugly social rejects." ... I never said aLL.. I said probability.. and this isnt a discussion of fact and myth.. these are personal opinions of what we would accept or not..
I am only saying that a 25+ virgin would PROBABLY not be a good match for ME...
im HOT and a 25yr virgin, top that :P
serious note: not many guys out there who want a non-virgin girl as marriage material:)
haha dulhan.... good for you.. but again.. i never said that ur kind doesnt exist.. i only said that you are a minority in the virgin club..