Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
muqawwee is shocked again.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
A guy in his early 30s talking about the stuff usually an older man in his late 50s do. Men love their own kids more.
I don't think its that odd.
I'm seeing a little bit more of this now...actually even know a couple where the wife had a 6 year old child from a previous marriage and husband had not even been married before. He married her, they're happy and her current husband is commonly mistaken as the kid's original father. It happens and should happen.
Maybe his reasoning is a bit uncommon but I don't find it strange or nonsensical. It makes sense for him to think ahead - especially if children and having a family one day are extremely important to him. Which it seems they are.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
this is actually quite interesting.
A young child being the criteria for marriage. Let's hope he takes that kid as his own even after he goes to have kids with his wife later.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
No offense to the OP or the person who is being talked about here,but I do find it a bit weird.
There is nothing wrong with marrying a divorced woman or a widow,with or without kids.But this person wants to marry someone who has a kid already so that to assure he does not have to face any fertility issues,if any...??Because this is what I understood.
He needs to be informed about the thing called 'secondary infertility',where the first kid happens easily,but it takes years to conceive the second one.What will he do then...?
He might have best intentions,but to me it just sounds he wants it in a way where he does not have to face any medical issues and that sounds weird to me (like someone said he wants a working oven,in an earlier post).What if God forbid,God forbid the woman he marries develops some other medical issue?He can't possible check the potential wife for every ailment known..!
Isn't marriage supposed to be something where both partners support each other no matter whatever the circumstances are and however the issues evolve during a marriage..?...
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
aw how cute
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
No offense to the OP or the person who is being talked about here,but I do find it a bit weird. There is nothing wrong with marrying a divorced woman or a widow,with or without kids.But this person wants to marry someone who has a kid already so that to assure he does not have to face any fertility issues,if any...??Because this is what I understood. He needs to be informed about the thing called 'secondary infertility',where the first kid happens easily,but it takes years to conceive the second one.What will he do then...? He might have best intentions,but to me it just sounds he wants it in a way where he does not have to face any medical issues and that sounds weird to me (like someone said he wants a working oven,in an earlier post).What if God forbid,God forbid the woman he marries develops some other medical issue?He can't possible check the potential wife for every ailment known..! Isn't marriage supposed to be something where both partners support each other no matter whatever the circumstances are and however the issues evolve during a marriage..?...
I think you misunderstood. The guy wants/prefers a wife with a pre-existing child so he can have a shot at fatherhood WITH the pre-existing child, not necessarily have another one by the same woman.
I think its refreshing to see a man think like this. My aunt and uncle adopted because they both had issues, the process was VERY long and VERY drawn out. Similarily, a coworker of mine is trying to adopt from India and its been 4 years and still nothing has come of it except money spent.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
^^Yeah maybe I misunderstood.
But it also makes me think why is he so doubtful of having kids of his own.
Anyways,best of luck to him.May he find the life partner he is looking for.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
I am afraid but he has some skeleton in his closet .. He aint telling the right reasons for his decision .. Like if in doubts , an average person would try to get the cure before going for the alternative options .
And infertility symptoms in men can be vague as in most of the cases they go unnoticed , until the pregnancy is attempted . So I dont see the reason why he is so sure that infertility is going to hit him ( unless or until he has some sound reasons to believe ) as it has struck couple of his mates .
There is no harm is marrying a women with a child .. but in either case and specially when in doubts , he should get his medical check-up done before marrying some one !
what if the woman wants more kids then ?
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two…
Hmm…I hope he realizes that there are MANY other sources of adoption in addition to the Children’s Aid Society. PLENTY of children out there who’re physically healthy in need of adoption. Of course, I also have no idea what type of racial and age restrictions he’s insisting on.
LOL @ the comment about challenged children. Did you guys have a conversation about the challenges of having step children? In the event that the wife is divorced, what about women who share custody with the biological father? That can present MANY challenges in a 2nd marriage. Even if the wife is a widow, how will he react to the deceased husband’s family? Or will he expect the wife the keep the child away from his/her biological dada/dadi etc.?
Heck what about your friend’s family? Will they accept a divorced or widowed woman and her child without ANY judgments and with an open heart?
I truly hope you’re wrong about this. 
I don’t think your friend has really thought this through. Being a step-parent isn’t a bed of roses and comes with its own set of challenges depending of the specifics of the situation. I truly believe your friend is clueless as to the challenges he may face as a step-father. It’s not something everyone can do. And for the sake of the child, I hope he’s not stupid enough to get into a situation only to realize that he bit off way more than he can chew.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
i also know a very pretty girl divorced with a son looking for a guy, the girl is 26 and has a son of 4 years of age .
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Am I the only one here who doesn't find him crazy?
People who want a family...can want it in whatever way they choose. In the form of their biological children, adopted children, step children, etc.
Yes, there are challenges in being a step father but there are challenges in being a biological father and an adopted father. None of these roads is any easier than the other.
I don't think he's nuts but that could be because I've seen an example in real life.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
LOL I guess. Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that he's open to being a step dad. But I find his reasons behind it very odd.
I totally agree with you on that.
Let me explain it to you.
Its called The Gunna(sugarcane) Logic.
The legend has it that one day, olice of informed that a mob is beating a few people. Police got to the scene and arrested the culprits and asked why they are beating those people. They said, they are farmers and we decided that this season they will plant sugarcanes (gunney) and when the crop is ready we they will chew the raw sugarcanes and enjoy the sweet syrup, and they will sell the rest to make money. One of them said, they will plant the sugarcanes, but what about the barber, the potter, the ironsmith. They will not plant anything and when our crop is ready they will eat our sugarcanes. So they got up and starting beating the barber, potter and ironsmith. (asi gunney lawan gey, ae sadey gunney chopan gey).
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Some comments here make me laugh.
There are men out there who actually find women with kids attractive. Shocking isn't it?
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Yes, there are challenges in being a step father but there are challenges in being a biological father and an adopted father. None of these roads is any easier than the other.
Who said being a biological father or adopted father is any easier? Being a parent is never an easy thing. Biological, adopted, or step-parent......each situation has its specifics challenges. Considering the fact that innocent children are effected....adults should think carefully before they CHOOSE to become ANY type of parent.
Being a step parent can bring its own set of unique challenges that not everyone can handle (especially in cases where the biological father shares custody). Muzna's friend doesn't want to go through the hassle of IVF. He clearly has no interest in adopting a child with a physical or mental disability. Heck he's only done his "research" on adoption with 1 single agency. From her posts, I get the impression that he thinks that he'll just marry a woman with a child and life will be peachy without any drama or hassles. And this is a false assumption.
He has obviously thought about the challenges of adopting a child with a physical/mental disability and have realized that he's not able to cope with it. Similarly, he needs to realistically consider the challenges of being a step-father and decide if he can cope with that. If he's fully aware of the challenges and believes he can handle it....then that's great for him and everyone else involved in the situation.
** Of course, before he goes on planning his entire married life....he may want to actually find 1 or 2 potential rishtas first.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
What if the other parent is absent and not even in the picture? I always find it amusing when people get all defensive because of "the other parent" potentially disrupting their future.
Assumptions, assumptions.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
^ Of course that's a possibility too. Woman could be a widow and the deceased husband's family also has 0 contact with the child. Woman could be a widow where the deceased husband's family is very involved with the child. Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband gave up his parental rights (of course, this doesn't mean that that child will never attempt to get in touch with him as a teen/adult). Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband never actually gave up his parental rights. The list goes on and on.
Heck we don't even know if Muzna's friend is even willing to marry someone whose child is old enough to have memories of the biological father. It's not unusual for those kids to have a hard time accepting a step-parent which can also be challenging for the new couple.
Every single one of us (including Muzna's friend himself) is making an assumption.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
the idea of a guy liking someone specific who has a kid is pretty normal.
a guy who is into the idea of wanting a woman with a kid - i dont know - maybe i am the only one who watched the 24 hr law and order SVU marathon, its just plain odd.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
lol @ the SVU marathon......I didn't know it was on...I would definitely have watched it. with respect to the insinuation here......that's sick queer......do you every take the middle road or is your default setting on "worst possible case" permanently? even I admitted that I was skeptical but my mind never for a minute went here.....perhaps because I know the guy personally and you don't.
at the end of the day I can't speak/defend the guy's intentions......heck, I don't think that a single conversation on such a deep matter is enough to fully understand where he is coming from. nor is it enough time to ask if he has explored every single aspect of what he is actually proposing. I'm going to speak with him again when the opportunity presents itself iA.
as far as knowing what is involved......I'm lucky enough to have been directly exposed to every single one of these situations (i.e. biological, adopted and step-parenting) in my immediate family. depending on what life throws at you, none of them are easy. it does, however, help to have a positive and healthy approach.
I'm not sure if he has thoroughly considered all that he would be "getting himself into" but I do know one thing.....he certainly is putting more thought into the whole idea than the vast majority of single guys in the hunt that are limiting themselves to "never married, residency status, education=professional degree, height, weight, complexion and family=affluent".
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Who said being a biological father or adopted father is any easier? Being a parent is never an easy thing. Biological, adopted, or step-parent......each situation has its specifics challenges. Considering the fact that innocent children are effected....adults should think carefully before they CHOOSE to become ANY type of parent.
Being a step parent can bring its own set of unique challenges that not everyone can handle (especially in cases where the biological father shares custody). Muzna's friend doesn't want to go through the hassle of IVF. He clearly has no interest in adopting a child with a physical or mental disability. Heck he's only done his "research" on adoption with 1 single agency. From her posts, I get the impression that he thinks that he'll just marry a woman with a child and life will be peachy without any drama or hassles. And this is a false assumption.
He has obviously thought about the challenges of adopting a child with a physical/mental disability and have realized that he's not able to cope with it. Similarly, he needs to realistically consider the challenges of being a step-father and decide if he can cope with that. If he's fully aware of the challenges and believes he can handle it....then that's great for him and everyone else involved in the situation.
** Of course, before he goes on planning his entire married life....he may want to actually find 1 or 2 potential rishtas first.
^ Of course that's a possibility too. Woman could be a widow and the deceased husband's family also has 0 contact with the child. Woman could be a widow where the deceased husband's family is very involved with the child. Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband gave up his parental rights (of course, this doesn't mean that that child will never attempt to get in touch with him as a teen/adult). Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband never actually gave up his parental rights. The list goes on and on.
Heck we don't even know if Muzna's friend is even willing to marry someone whose child is old enough to have memories of the biological father. It's not unusual for those kids to have a hard time accepting a step-parent which can also be challenging for the new couple.
Every single one of us (including Muzna's friend himself) is making an assumption.
All I am trying to understand here Paheli is that why the idea of being a step parent so weird for a guy who has never been married before.
Yeah, she is divorced. Yeah, she has a kid. Yeah, he has none. But so what? No one who has kids for the first time has the experience of being a parent no matter how many books you read on the topic. Biologically having a child does not automatically make anyone parent material either. You will have a different set of challenges in every single scenario...does that mean you shy away from the thought of it? Does the idea of labor pain discourage women from having kids?
Nothing mentioned so far disqualifies him. The fact that he has looked in to different options and is considering this specific one means he is more than just tossing ideas.
Maybe he has fertility issues. Maybe he doesn't. Whatever the reason is, he wants to find a woman who has a child so he can have a family. That should be a good thing and encouraged. I wish more men looked at it that way.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
but can't anything happen to anyone ay any time? whether its infertility or not, other things can happen to anyone. i dont find it crazy.. but a little strange that hes SPECIFICALLY LOOKING for a woman with a child already...
its odd because usually people don't go looking for a spouse in that scenario unless they have a personal connection to that person or are in love with someone with a child or whatever. the idea of it isnt odd, its odd that hes specifically only looking for someone in that situation. it would be different you said he is OPEN to it but it seems to be clear that hes ONLY looking for a person with a child already...all because of a "what if" ??
well what if he marrys this person, god forbid it but gets sick, or something else happens? or his family gives them issues and make the life of this child even more difficult? i dont know im just, what if?