I was speaking with someone today that said that he’s in the market for a wife…and he would prefer someone that has a young child.
My curiosity peaked, I asked what was the motivating factor in such a specific search. He replied that he had waited until his 30’s to get married and now he found the vast majority of his friends to be married and struggling with fertility issues. According to his story 3 out of 5 of his buddies/their wives were in some sort of treatment or other. Some already had a child and were TTC for the second and others had not been blessed enough to have even one. He figured that marrying someone with a child guaranteed him a family while with the other option there was no assurance at all.
He went on to say that he didn’t care if she was widowed or divorced. It really didn’t matter as long as she was willing to give marriage another shot.
The first thought in my mind was that perhaps he was already aware of his own physical condition and maybe there was something that was alerting him to the dangers there…how skeptical of me, right? What can I say, I’m tainted.
The conversation progressed and we talked some more. Eventually his medical status came up and he assured me that there was no underlying condition that was prompting him to think this way. In fact he was more than willing to undergo the necessary exam(s) to be checked out. He mentioned that he might just do it anyway to know for sure that he is okay.
I was quite pleased to see that some guys are actually thinking outside the box…I wish him well and hope that he is able to find a family.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Muzna: If all medical exams/tests are ok, will he still hold same criteria? Is he looking for older/younger wife? (obviously with kid but looks like older than his own age but not sure. please clarify)
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
We didn't talk about the age of the partner.....simply that he wanted someone with a child.
I don't think that his criteria will change at all depending on the results of the tests.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
Wait....maybe I read the opening post in a rush but I took it to mean that he was willing to be a stepfather and would treat his stepchildren as his own.... rather than assume that if a woman already has a child she's able to produce another one?
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
^ This was my understanding of the post. Guy wants to marry a woman who has a young child already (divorced or widowed ok). But the ONLY reason he wants someone with a child is b/c in his mind, that's a guarantee that she can get pregnant with his child.
Someone please correct me if I misunderstood the original post.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
You are right Paheli. But Muzna needs to clarify if he is willing to be the father of the first child too or just need to see one as a proof of her fertilitiness (is that even a word?)
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
^ This was my understanding of the post. Guy wants to marry a woman who has a young child already (divorced or widowed ok). But the ONLY reason he wants someone with a child is b/c in his mind, that's a guarantee that she can get pregnant with his child.
Someone please correct me if I misunderstood the original post.
You did misunderstand.
He wants to marry because he fears that fertility issues can strike at any time in the 30's and not just the woman but the man as well. (The problems in his social circle are not isolated to the women. That's why he wants to get checked.)
He is not worried about having more children......but believes that if there is already a child present in the union then he is assured of fatherhood as he would be the father of that pre-existing child.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
^ Muzna:
Thanks for clarifying. My apologies for misunderstanding the earlier post. :)
So here's another question.........what about adoption? What's the difference between a step-child and a adopted child? Since both will not be his biologically.
Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....
I hear you about the odd part......it drove the conversation way beyond the time that I had originally thought to spend with him.
I mentioned adoption and he said yes, the idea has occurred to him but the process is long and the children readily available through the Children's Aid Society come with their own set of problems including Fetal Alcohol Syndrome etc. He doesn't know if he would have the strength to deal with a challenged child.
He didn't say this out right but I got the feeling that he expected a divorced woman with a child to be more willing to compromise in her second marriage provided he was a good father and provider whereas the never-married women that he has been meeting now seem to be "super, high-maintenance" with expectations all over the place.
lo ji order ana bhi shro hogaye.