Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two.....

[Reha]

Re: Life Partner Wanted: Prefer someone with a child or two…

@Paheli00

Who said being a biological father or adopted father is any easier? Being a parent is never an easy thing. Biological, adopted, or step-parent…each situation has its specifics challenges. Considering the fact that innocent children are effected…adults should think carefully before they CHOOSE to become ANY type of parent.

Being a step parent can bring its own set of unique challenges that not everyone can handle (especially in cases where the biological father shares custody). Muzna’s friend doesn’t want to go through the hassle of IVF. He clearly has no interest in adopting a child with a physical or mental disability. Heck he’s only done his “research” on adoption with 1 single agency. From her posts, I get the impression that he thinks that he’ll just marry a woman with a child and life will be peachy without any drama or hassles. And this is a false assumption.

He has obviously thought about the challenges of adopting a child with a physical/mental disability and have realized that he’s not able to cope with it. Similarly, he needs to realistically consider the challenges of being a step-father and decide if he can cope with that. If he’s fully aware of the challenges and believes he can handle it…then that’s great for him and everyone else involved in the situation.

** Of course, before he goes on planning his entire married life…he may want to actually find 1 or 2 potential rishtas first.

@Paheli00

^ Of course that’s a possibility too. Woman could be a widow and the deceased husband’s family also has 0 contact with the child. Woman could be a widow where the deceased husband’s family is very involved with the child. Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband gave up his parental rights (of course, this doesn’t mean that that child will never attempt to get in touch with him as a teen/adult). Woman could be a divorcee where the ex-husband never actually gave up his parental rights. The list goes on and on.

Heck we don’t even know if Muzna’s friend is even willing to marry someone whose child is old enough to have memories of the biological father. It’s not unusual for those kids to have a hard time accepting a step-parent which can also be challenging for the new couple.

Every single one of us (including Muzna’s friend himself) is making an assumption.

All I am trying to understand here Paheli is that why the idea of being a step parent so weird for a guy who has never been married before.

Yeah, she is divorced. Yeah, she has a kid. Yeah, he has none. But so what? No one who has kids for the first time has the experience of being a parent no matter how many books you read on the topic. Biologically having a child does not automatically make anyone parent material either. You will have a different set of challenges in every single scenario…does that mean you shy away from the thought of it? Does the idea of labor pain discourage women from having kids?

Nothing mentioned so far disqualifies him. The fact that he has looked in to different options and is considering this specific one means he is more than just tossing ideas.

Maybe he has fertility issues. Maybe he doesn’t. Whatever the reason is, he wants to find a woman who has a child so he can have a family. That should be a good thing and encouraged. I wish more men looked at it that way.