Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
I have a friend who is almost in the same position. Her dad has all the money in the world...she drove fast cars, she bought all the latest designer gear and was very outgoing! She has recently got married into a poor, simple family (FIL doesn't work and hubby is still studying).
When I spoke to her, she said she will live there for the time being and eventually get a home of her own. She said that she's lived the 'lifestyle' and she didn't want that after marriage. She wanted a different experience and even said that she wants to build her own home from scratch. I have total respect for her!
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
I don't know why lakin this thread is putting offtopic stuff in my head that I want to post here, the thing about shadi is 'ye woh ladoo hain jo khae pich-taey, jo na khey woh pich-taey'
I have a friend who is almost in the same position. Her dad has all the money in the world...she drove fast cars, she bought all the latest designer gear and was very outgoing! She has recently got married into a poor, simple family (FIL doesn't work and hubby is still studying).
When I spoke to her, she said she will live there for the time being and eventually get a home of her own. She said that she's lived the 'lifestyle' and she didn't want that after marriage. She wanted a different experience and even said that she wants to build her own home from scratch. I have total respect for her!
wasey no disrespect to your friend, lakin why some one would want to jhonkofy themselves in such situations, this is life and it is very real, and it stings. One of my mamoons who is super super rich has just two daughters, ppl used to say he will buy damads who will treat his daughter like queens, which is a very stupid thought in itself, but he made sure both daughters got married in the same type of families, why struggle when you don't have to. Again this is LIFE and not a movie...ke hero ne khood ko prove karne ke liye duniya chor di. My mamoon gave both daughter tons of city property but these girls don't need it but it is there for their use. Yes money is not everyting but it does buy you peace of mind esp if you have kids. Unless someone has aq reason like falling in love with someone who is not that well off, or fundamantal issues with parents then it is understandable that you want to break free and do on your own.
As a parent myself if my daughter or son want to experiment a simple lifestyle I would tell(hopefully convince) them to start from where I left off, not where my great-grand father started..sorry if I am annoying anyone by my comments.
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
life obviously takes a major transformation after marriage. each family has a different lifestyle, different priorities. adjusting into a completely different environment takes time. and like Decent 6Chora said compromise is the main ingredient.
am yet to experience this transition soon IA..
prayers needed :)
life obviously takes a major transformation after marriage. each family has a different lifestyle, different priorities. adjusting into a completely different environment takes time. and like Decent 6Chora said compromise is the main ingredient.
am yet to experience this transition soon IA..
prayers needed :)
again yeh woh lado jo khae pichtaey jo na khaey woh pichtaey :):):)
Life in general is compromise in so many differnt ways, in so many different situations, Good luck...
again yeh woh lado jo khae pichtaey jo na khaey woh pichtaey :):):)
Life in general is compromise in so many differnt ways, in so many different situations, Good luck...
lol totally agree :)
thanks alot !
And it's surprising to see how women fall back to Islam on some issues while on other issues like respecting MILs and looking after kids and husbands and home, they forget Islam.
But thats the way it works for us Pakistanis use Islam whenever it suits you.
Dont generalize!!!!
Dont generalize!!!!
but unfortunately this is true for most pakistanis..
wasey no disrespect to your friend, lakin why some one would want to jhonkofy themselves in such situations, this is life and it is very real, and it stings. One of my mamoons who is super super rich has just two daughters, ppl used to say he will buy damads who will treat his daughter like queens, which is a very stupid thought in itself, but he made sure both daughters got married in the same type of families, why struggle when you don't have to. Again this is LIFE and not a movie...ke hero ne khood ko prove karne ke liye duniya chor di. My mamoon gave both daughter tons of city property but these girls don't need it but it is there for their use. Yes money is not everyting but it does buy you peace of mind esp if you have kids. Unless someone has aq reason like falling in love with someone who is not that well off, or fundamantal issues with parents then it is understandable that you want to break free and do on your own.
As a parent myself if my daughter or son want to experiment a simple lifestyle I would tell(hopefully convince) them to start from where I left off, not where my great-grand father started..sorry if I am annoying anyone by my comments.
I totally agree.
Its one thing to fall into bad times and the couple goes through it together, or even if its a "love" marriage where they're both young/students and are knowingly going to struggle together..
but to willingly put yourself in that situation, especially in an arranged marriage? Not smart.
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
but alot of people here tend to generalize..pakistanis are not that bad.. :p
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
This is true for most of the Muslims not Pakistanis.....i have met and seen all types of people even out of pakistan.....i hate this generalization!
i knowwwwwwwwwww…like im a good girl :halo:
I totally agree.
Its one thing to fall into bad times and the couple goes through it together, or even if its a "love" marriage where they're both young/students and are knowingly going to struggle together..
but to willingly put yourself in that situation, especially in an arranged marriage? Not smart.
She didn't 'willingly' put herself in that situation, and vasay, it was a love marriage!
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
No matter what life after marriage is not the same as before.. not only do you have to learn to respect the other person's needs but you need to learn to share your space with other person... Living in a joint family home might make it harder for her as she is coming from a different setting but it's not impossible!! If both are willing to get to know one another and respect each otherr then joint family shouldn't be a problem!
She didn't 'willingly' put herself in that situation, and vasay, it was a love marriage!
Well then that explians a lot, hope she will be ok. Please don' think I am against love marriages, I myself had one, and mashallah mashallah a very good one (alhamdolilah)
This is true for most of the Muslims not Pakistanis.....i have met and seen all types of people even out of pakistan.....i hate this generalization!
hmm may be, lakin apna apna experience hai...pakistani ppl generally try to do things their way using islam lot more than any other nation I came across so far, it is very sad. take this forum for examples there are so many issue that ppl discuss and you don't see those in a lot of other muslim nations. Simple things like shadi and jaheez is turned into unbearable burdens and made un-necessarily complex..
Not trying to ask a materialistic question, wasey tu whatever is written happens, BUT if the girls parents were so rich why didn't they find a suiteable boy for their daughter, esp if she is spolied/pampered, shouldnt they have done their daughter good by getting her married in equal socio-economic family. Just a thought...
it's love, parents were against it, gave her the guilt trip but she refuses to listen. Everyone's been saying it won't work, she won't be happy, and listening to all this has got me worried.
I think it'll be really hard for her for sure, but if she doesn't care and is completely willing to give up all her comforts and things she's had before then I'm sure it can work. But she has to be mentally prepared for all those changes going in; she'll have to be used to not getting things her way maybe, or not having much privacy, having to do housework herself maybe or a lot of responsibility. As long as she's open to significant changes in her life I'm sure it'll work out, I hope for her sake though that she has thought all this stuff through.
Re: life before marriage vs after marriage
Before considering marriage, I was totally focused on studies and a good career.
After becoming engaged, this has shifted more towards a lifestyle which is in both my own and my fiance's interest. I still want a career but not as hectic or as demanding as the one I have.
I think after marriage, even though my fiance will provide a similar lifestyle to what I already have, I think I will be more considerate as he will be the main breadwinner in the family plus responsibilities will increase.
