how different were your lifestyles before marriage as compared to after marriage? Did you marry someone who gave you the same lifestyle your parents gave you or something different?
My cousin in Pakistan is getting married to a guy who will give her a totally different lifestyle after marriage than her parents gave her. She is the only child, very rich and spoiled. Now she will have to live in a joint family home with her husband who isn’t that that well off and also very simple.
I’m a little worried. She is simple too and good at heart, and I do think she will be able to adjust, but I don’t know if she will be happy in the end.
Anyone care to share their experiences or views on this matter?
Hmmm, I think it depends on how you've been raised. If she feels comfortable and gets acceptance and love from the family, I'm sure things will be fine. Hopefully she has a handle on her expectations.
If she's so rich, why can't she get a separate house from her parent's money and get the same lifestyle with her husband?
the guy along with his brothers want to live with the parents as a joint family. But he is willing to shift out and get a new place 2-3 years after marriage. Also he wants to live a simple, non-materialistic life.
She’s fortunate to have a friend that is concerned about her. Sometimes you’ll see couples who belong to the same socioeconomic class really struggle with their relationship. There are many factors that make two individuals compatible with one another. If she has interacted many times with her in-laws…and gets a good vibe from them…and if her parents have checked out the guy and his family and are comfortable with them and trust them…then InshaAllah things will be okay. Ups and downs are a part of every relationship…and she’ll have to deal with them…regardless of who she marries. Just be supportive and celebrate her happiness with her.
Exactly. Some paks are still hung up on Hindu/Indian culture where the girls side showers the guy’s side with gifts, even though that’s not even part of Islam.
the guy along with his brothers want to live with the parents as a joint family. But he is willing to shift out and get a new place 2-3 years after marriage. Also he wants to live a simple, non-materialistic life.
Shaadi say pehlay sab lerkay yehi kehtay haen kay in 2 to 3 years we will have our own house!!!!! typical male dialogues
In Islam a man is supposd to provide for his wife not vice versa
But "In Islam" a man is not supposed to provide for his wife who is a rich spoiled brat and is worried about leading a simple and non-materialistic lifestyle with her husband.
And it's surprising to see how women fall back to Islam on some issues while on other issues like respecting MILs and looking after kids and husbands and home, they forget Islam.
But thats the way it works for us Pakistanis, use Islam whenever it suits you.
And it's surprising to see how women fall back to Islam on some issues while on other issues like respecting MILs and looking after kids and husbands and home, they forget Islam.
But thats the way it works for us Pakistanis, use Islam whenever it suits you.
And it's surprising to see how women fall back to Islam on some issues while on other issues like respecting MILs and looking after kids and husbands and home, they forget Islam.
But thats the way it works for us Pakistanis, use Islam whenever it suits you.
before marriage - i was focused on my career and basically having a good time with the girls
after marriage - i feel like i have a better life now, have the best husband i can ever ask for, a daughter and still have my career which is supported by my husband. I dont have much contact with my girlfriends anymore though but that just shows how everyone has moved on.
Most women do respect their MILS, but respect doesn’t mean having to live with them in the same house, do more housework than her own kids do etc. Pakistanis (and Indians and Bangladeshis) have taken Islam and twisted most of it to reaffirm parts of old Hindu culture like the DIL going to live in her inlaws house and serve them, sons being treated better than daughters, given more freedom, kids being told who to marry and being expected to just go along with it etc. ‘Heaven is at ur mother’s feet’ has somehow been translated as ‘mother is never wrong, u must obey her blindly.’
I know it sometimes does happen but I’ve yet to come across a Pakistani girl who disrespects her inlaws (for one thing it’s not like most girls could get away with acting like b*tches cos of the stigma of divorce) or husband or look after her home. When Pakistani males moan about this stuff what they usually tend to mean is ‘she doesn’t wait on me hand and foot’ (‘my mum did everything for me growing up so why isn’t my wife’).
Islamically speaking as strange as it might sound the wife is not even obliged to do the housework (tho obviously if she is at home all day it’s just asking for trouble if she can’t be bothered lol):
‘First of all, according to Islamic teachings, **it is not a legal obligation of a wife to cook the meals or take care of the house, and if a woman chooses to refuse to undertake such work, the husband cannot compel her to do so. **However, apart from the legal injunctions, Islam has laid down some moral instructions for both husband and wife according to which they are treated as life-companions who should not restrict themselves to legal requirements alone, but should join hands to develop a mutual life that is as comfortable and peaceful as possible.’
Also, this seems v.materialistic but if a girl has had a very comfortable upbringing and a wealthy lifestyle she is entitled to expect the same when she gets married ie. her guardian shouldn’t arrange a match with a guy she would struggle to adjust living with.. Not to say the girl the OP mentioned would necessarily have that problem..
Not trying to ask a materialistic question, wasey tu whatever is written happens, BUT if the girls parents were so rich why didn't they find a suiteable boy for their daughter, esp if she is spolied/pampered, shouldnt they have done their daughter good by getting her married in equal socio-economic family. Just a thought...
Exactly. Some paks are still hung up on Hindu/Indian culture where the girls side showers the guy’s side with gifts, even though that’s not even part of Islam.