My husband agreed to it because he wants to hang out with his friends too comfortably and not feel as if his wife is waiting alone.
I spoke to my mil and well.. She thinks I should my fil is completely right. I've only been upsetting my fil and he's really upset because of me.. Because I went to see my dad on Sunday. She told me that I can no longer live like the way I wanted to.. And when my sister visits from abroad I still can't stay over with her..she said If I have any social commitments or any work like haircut and all it should be done on the day I'm spending at my mom's. ( Would I be spending time with my mom or would I be doing my chores?) she said it's not important for my husband to meet my father even once a week but it's important I spend every weekend with my fil. She said it's a big favor to me that I can see my family and I do my business. ( I've been doing my business for 4 plus years and it's successful and they always wanted daughter in laws to work so why is my business an issue?)
Everyone you speak with will have their own personal slant on the subject....likely based on what's important to them.
FIL is alone and likely lonely....he needs company and perhaps some support.
MIL feels guilty and wants you to do what she should be doing....spending time with her husband to make sure that he's taken care of and is not lonely.
Hubby supports you in your wants because he wants to spend time with his friends unhindered and because he wants you to be happy so it's a win-win.
You want your cake and you want to eat it too.
Well its ridiculous that you are supposed to be you FIL skivvy.his own wife should be there. Don't give up on your life. They will not be satisfied really. My cousin went through thus phase after her MIL died. After a few months her parents really had to step.in as FIL didn't even like when she went to doctor.
You MIL is still alive she should be the one to look.after her husband
She's abroad with her remaining kids for nationality issues.
I know he's neglected and wants attention but the price is my marriage. Last night my mil told me to tell my family as this is how marriage is kept by girl compromising.
So I discussed with my family and well they think that they are being wrong and in the new times such stuff doesn't happen.
But since they want the attention I should not go out and compromise for a few months and see..
I'm sorry guys I'm really emotional.. I had an amazing life before marriage freedom friends and I know it's gone for good. I just need time to make peace
newbee13 if your husband says to go with him and you Want to , donot refuse him. Tell them that hubbh wants you to go. If you start putting your FIL before you ur husband, you will have big problems.
My mil told me that mein samajhdar houn.. If my husband asks me to go out with him and I know how fils mood is I should tell my husband no..
I agree with Reha, only talk to MIL in presence of your husband and that too salam dua. And enjoy your life with your husband. He seems like a caring guy. Did they get you solely for yoyr FIL?
Did you tell your husband what your MIL told you? What did your husband say? And why is your husband not talking to his mother about this?
I agree with the others...do NOT speak to your MIL without your husband's presence. And even then, say salaam etc. but keep the conversation short. And I also agree that you should put the responsibility on your husband to deal with his parents. If MIL/FIL say anything about going out, politely tell them that it would be better for them to speak to their son.
I don't know if not talking to MIL is going to resolve this. If anything it seems to me that it's going to create distances and walls that need to be broken down and not built up.
I agree that the subject is sensitive and yes, she should definitely have her husband speak to his mother but to avoid her is not a good idea. She's gonna see that as passive-aggressive behaviour and retaliate in other ways. (Why is she away from the home again?)
Life does change after marriage.....so yeah, hanging out with friends and doing what you want when you want to is no longer the case.
It takes time to adjust to a new environment and new rules, expectations and personalities. If anyone thinks that this process can be resolved in a matter of weeks or months then they are simply naive.
You're right I will avoid talking to her alone. And will keep it short.. It's best if I talk in his presence to keep matters in balance.
My husband spoke to his parents and they are not ready to listen. They keep repeating that I disrespect them and he has no idea how I've disrespected. He told me he doesn't understand how they change their mind one minute everything is good next minute I'm the most disrespectful person. We are both young and his dad is a very strong man that's why what he says is not heard but he said he will make things ok..
Last night my mil called and was again giving lectures. Then she spoke to me and said weird stuff to me how I have taken their love for granted and how I'm spoiled. A few weeks back my father in law was on foreign tour he ate squid and got food poisoning. My mil blamed me for his sickness.she said because I upset him so much that's why he got sick. She told me my husband will never stay a night at my parents as that will make him ghar jamai. ( His elder son my brother in law stayed alot of nights I know myself but she's denying now)
Thank god this conversation was in my husbands presence and he heard every bit. He apologized to me and told me he knows they are wrong and how much he loves me and respects me for putting up with this. ( I'm sure you all remember how old me was and I'm doing everything to change myself) I only replied mil with ji and I'm sorry.
I don't know who to share my feelings with. I can't cry in front of my family. But I feel my heart is so heavy and my head is dizzy and stomach weak with nausea.. What do I do? I feel like I'll just collapse I know all this is not a lot.. People go through worse but I'm a weak person. I never thought of this in my worse nightmare even.
Newbee don't stress really. Your husband is supporting you and that is all you need. Continue with the ji and I am sorry and do what ever you feel like. And as for your husband staying with your parent not a big deal. I don't know any guys who stay nights with in laws if they are in same area
I'm trying to relax. My family has a long line of anxiety and stress..
Of course we live in the same city and there's no use of him coming over but there can be some exceptional situations.. But she specifically told me about it.
I don't know who to share my feelings with. I can't cry in front of my family. But I feel my heart is so heavy and my head is dizzy and stomach weak with nausea.. What do I do? I feel like I'll just collapse I know all this is not a lot. I never thought of this in my worse nightmare even.
1) Why don't you share your feelings with your husband? He is fully aware of what's going on and is supporting you. Why can't you cry in front of him in the privacy of your bedroom?
2) Please don't act that shocked. You knew how your in-laws were before the ruksati. You knew how controlling your FIL was and you knew that your in-laws weren't very social. You also knew your husband wasn't capable of standing up to his parents.While the situation is awful, please don't pretend that any of this is a surprise to you.
3) You run a business....do you not go outside the house for work? Does your FIL work during the day? I'm confused about how your FIL or MIL (who lives in a diff. country) know what you do during the day? If you go outside the home for work....how does FIL/MIL know whether you're meeting up a friend for lunch during the day or even meeting your family for few hours? And if your FIL works....how does he even know when you're in or outside the home during the day?