I have a friend-yes its really her issue not mine- she wants to have laser eye surgery. her dad has offered to pay for it. her husband is working but not geting pauid yet, think hes doing some sort of training. anyway, even though she knows her husband and her cant afford it, and even if they could she feels its not that hight on the priority list o have done…plus they 3 kids…
ok anyway, she wants to have the laser done, and her dad whose happily wanting to pay. but she doesnt want to tell husband, she would rahter say she had it done free-make up some reason-, or say its cheap than it is…basically lie.
but shes 50/50, she doesnt want to lie to her husband on a essentially big thing, its not something minor like makeup, and she feels guilty.assuming if she lies, she will get caught one day,somehow.
anyway, so what should she do.
would anyone lie to their husband/wives like this, or is it not a big deal…so get it done or not?
I myself have told white lies like oh this makeup/clothes etc costs half the price of what is usually is…in fact, my husband would be horrified if he knew half my purchases…
relationships based on lies are not strong beside, speaking truth is hard for the first time and then path is easy while lie is easy for the first time but rest of the path is hard.
i’m so paranoid, i’d be scared that something would go wrong during the laser eye procedure…and then how would i explain* **that ***
to my husband…double whammy!!!
stick to the truth…i’d rather be stuck with glasses/contacts then lose the trust of my husband
The $$ is not the issue here. Doesn't matter who is paying for it. Its plain stupid and irresponsible on her part to hide having surgery from her husband....especially since they have 3 kids! No matter how good the doctor is, there is still a chance something might go wrong. Then what?
It's one thing to lie about how much you paid for an outfit or make-up........but to have surgery of ANY type that has its risks and potential side effects without discussing it with your spouse is just stupid and selfish.
she’s more concerned about wanting to get rid of contacts/glasses than she is her husband’s pride? imagine how he’ll feel once he finds out (and yes…he will eventually find out!) that her dad paid for something that he couldn’t??? instead of wasting time and energy in scheming and thinking up a cover story/lie, advise your friend to redirect that devious mind of hers towards budgeting with her husband, so that they can save money together from their own income to get her surgery done…
What is the BIG DEAL about telling your husband that your father paid for your eye surgery? It would be stupid to turn something like that into an ego issue. I think most parents have that desire to help out their kids …even if they are indpendent/married etc. That’s just the type of bond you share with them; why would her husband not understand that? It makes me wonder if your friend probably fears…or perhaps already knows…that her husband is going to internalize this in a negative way? Gosh, just tell him that my parents were interested/excited about it and insisted on paying…make it seem like it was a gift.
doesnt always work like that.... and its a pretty expensive gift IMHO
It can be seen as a gift/kind gesture from one's parents and sometimes they can be expensive and this can be seen as a subjective and depends on what one can afford. For many parents, it's a natural desire to want to do something for their kids..especially if it deals with their health/well-being. Expensive or not....i don't see that as a major issue considering that her dad WANTS to do this for her...I doubt that the father would expect his own daughter or her husband to pay him back for it. I would hope that the dad would not see this as sort of an "inadequacy" on his son-in-law's part and that it won't be rubbed in his face....and I hope that her husband won't internalize it as such. The point it is that she shouldn't have to lie about her parents wanting to pay for it...and he shouldn't be offended by that. It would be wrong and ridiculous to turn this to an ego issue.
that’s the thing RV..if she’s already thinking of a lie/cover story on how the surgery will be paid for, that must mean that she knows her husband would have a problem with her dad footing the bill (that’s a whole other can of worms!)..so why set yourself up to fall? if you know your husband is not going to like it…don’t do it…
there were plenty of times where my parents splurged on me after shaadi, (my mom footed the bill to take me to dubai/karachi for a shopping trip!) and my husband didn’t have an issue with it..but that’s the key…i knew he wouldn’t mind…if the shoe was on the other foot, and I felt/knew that he wouldn’t like it, i wouldn’t do it…
It can be seen as a gift/kind gesture from one's parents. For many parents, it's a natural desire to want to do something for their kids..especially if it deals with their health/well-being. Expensive or not....i don't see that as a major issue considering that her dad WANTS to do this for her...I doubt that the father would expect his own daughter or her husband to pay him back for it. I would hope that the dad would not see this as sort of an "inadequacy" on his son-in-law's part and that it won't be rubbed in his face....and I hope that her husband won't internalize it as such. The point it is that she shouldn't have to lie about her parents wanting to pay for it...and he shouldn't be offended by that. It would be wrong and ridiculous to turn this to an ego issue.
as khatitichic said, it really depends on the individual. And form what nadz has said, her friend's hubby would have an issue if the dad was paying for something. From the daughters point of view it may just be a gift, but from the hubby's point of view, it may be a kick in the gut... and its not so shocking. I personally dont see a problem with the husband minding. It just means he wants to take the responsibility of his wife and not be shown that he cant... i might be completely wrong, but i dont see an issue with that.
KC, I already mentioned in my first post that she probably already fears or KNOWS that her husband is going to have a hissy fit over this. I understand the importance of compromising and trying to avoid things that'll piss off your spouse. However, where is the line drawn? I know that impaired vision is not a life or death matter...........but what if God forbid.....she had a serious illness or something? Even then should one turn away any assitance/kind gesture from one's PARENTS (for crying out loud) because it's going to hurt someone's ego? Again, I understand the point of sacrifice and compromise. But I would think that a person should WANT for their spouse to be healthy...to have clear vision...to be happy for them.
The whole "yeah but she should avoid upsetting her pati dev" point......still doesn't justify turning it into an ego issue if that's what she fears he's going to do.
So, he would like to be the provider for all of his wife's needs. Fine, that's an honorable trait, however even pride needs to be checked. In some situations (this eye surgery is not one of them)...one may not have all the time in the world. It's one thing if someone like a friend or extended relative was wanting to pay for it.....but good grief....it's her own parents.
well from what i gather, her husband may have a sense of pride, and i dont know him too well but what i knowof him, he is the type who feels its only his responsibilty to take care of kids/wife....bless him, recently when his wife had their 3rd child, thew wife wanted to her mother there, mother lives in pak, so he paid for the mothers ticket, even though my friends FIL had already paid for it, her husband insisted they take the money, as he didnt want them to feel like hes taking their money/misusing their relationship...
KC, I already mentioned in my first post that she probably already fears or KNOWS that her husband is going to have a hissy fit over this. I understand the importance of compromising and trying to avoid things that'll piss off your spouse. However, where is the line drawn? I know that impaired vision is not a life or death matter...........but what if God forbid.....she had a serious illness or something? Even then should one turn away any assitance/kind gesture from one's PARENTS (for crying out loud) because it's going to hurt someone's ego? Again, I understand the point of sacrifice and compromise. But I would think that a person should WANT for their spouse to be healthy...to have clear vision...to be happy for them.
The whole "yeah but she should avoid upsetting her pati dev" point......still doesn't justify turning it into an ego issue.
true, but its not life saving op shes having, where her husband would be happy with it. this is just her own want want want. ive seen her list of wants, and its longgggggg.....
