Ive read in lots of threads the following being given ‘let him go now u can, coz of the inlaws’.. or something like ‘they are cheap people dont go through with it’, or errrrrrrrr ‘y did you choose him, leave him’!
Most recently ive read these kind of replies in mizsrani’s thread abt Sil n stuff..
Dont u think this is a lil bit toooooooooooooooooo easy advice?
Doesnt one get attached to the finacee wether love or arranged marriage…People over here make it sound like you dont have any feelings in an arranged setting.. thats or so wrong wrong!!!
i think its kindof harsh and quite selfish and really does not sound like ‘ur in her shoe advice’..
I’m just a person who likes to think. I never study people's lives or their experiences or anything at all really. As a poster, I’m just somebody who has something to say. Whether that what I am saying is interesting, I leave that up to a poster. A person who is going through troubles or difficulties is no less or mightier than a person who is giving an opinion. Since we all subjected to our experiences and lives, people will give wide variety of responses, which sometimes mean harsh truth response. Which shows that a person who is giving an opinion cares. And no i don't think it is selfish behaviour to express your opinion here.
It may be easy advice, but it's the right advice. Regardless of how "attached" you are to someone, it doesn't matter if you end up miserable once married to him. I have yet to see ONE example on this forum of a girl who was warned to leave her fiance while she still could and she ended up happily married. Most of those girls are divorced, separated or on their way there. Cases in point, Disturbed_angel and diamond321 are some that come to mind. I'm sorry to say but mizsani's case is really horrible and I'm afraid to see what's going to end up happening in her case. It's not like we're getting paid to give advice here, if we take out 10-15 minutes from our busy days to type something out in order to help someone it's because we genuinely have concern regarding their situation. Sometimes parents are too desperate to see their kids married off and friends don't tell you their honest opinion because they don't want to get on your bad side but here on GS you get completely unbiased and objective advice, I think people should appreciate that.
Hehehehe I just think I think too much or the lil stuff and I freak out because the wedding is soooo close. All the issues are pretty much fixed. I m just a bit young n immature I think so I complain too much about the lil stuff.
I cannot put the wedding off because of mom n stuff... She will only get remarried after I get married so I just dont wanna put a damper on things for her.
Plus my fiance is really supportive so I hope tht things will workout just fine
I do like everyones opinion though because it opens my mind up to all possibilities.
I think everyone tries to help by voicing their opinion... Everyone here is just trynna look out for each other
It may be easy advice, but it's the right advice. Regardless of how "attached" you are to someone, it doesn't matter if you end up miserable once married to him. I have yet to see ONE example on this forum of a girl who was warned to leave her fiance while she still could and she ended up happily married. Most of those girls are divorced, separated or on their way there. Cases in point, Disturbed_angel and diamond321 are some that come to mind. I'm sorry to say but mizsani's case is really horrible and I'm afraid to see what's going to end up happening in her case. It's not like we're getting paid to give advice here, if we take out 10-15 minutes from our busy days to type something out in order to help someone it's because we genuinely have concern regarding their situation. Sometimes parents are too desperate to see their kids married off and friends don't tell you their honest opinion because they don't want to get on your bad side but here on GS you get completely unbiased and objective advice, I think people should appreciate that.
Disturbed angel ko aik ne nahi dou ne nahi purey ke purey GS forum ne shadi se mana kya tha :(
Hehehehe I just think I think too much or the lil stuff and I freak out because the wedding is soooo close. All the issues are pretty much fixed. I m just a bit young n immature I think so I complain too much about the lil stuff.
I cannot put the wedding off because of mom n stuff... She will only get remarried after I get married so I just dont wanna put a damper on things for her.
Plus my fiance is really supportive so I hope tht things will workout just fine
I do like everyones opinion though because it opens my mind up to all possibilities.
I think everyone tries to help by voicing their opinion... Everyone here is just trynna look out for each other
I think the person who is directly facing the issues is the best person to know the facts and have a clear picture in from of him/her. While explaining things to third persons, like on this forum, people can omit many small details which can lead others to wrongly judge the situation.
I think people here on GS are so expert in advising about break up and moving on. Its not always easy as you do not get good person so easily with whom you want to spend your whole life with. I agree some cases are too difficult for a person to continue to linger on. But many cases are still managable like mizsani. Mizsani's SIL is giving her problem. If she breaks up her marriage, and gets engaged somewhere else, WHAT is the guarantee that her new SIL will not be as evil as this one? In other words, she should try to look for a SIL-free proposals?
Its just that people here on GS do not usually first encourage the posters to work towards solving the situation with tolerance as relationships need patience and a lot of time its women who need to compromise more. We on GS in 99% cases give advices of breaking up a relationship if we think the guy/ in-laws are not being good towards the poster. But what will happend after the break up? What if she ends up in a worse situation after this relationship. Physical abuse is certainly not a thing where a girl should compromise. But other issues can be dealt with patience and tolerance. Yeah, if the situation becomes totally out of control, we can advise to break up and move on.
But breaking up on issues like SIL not allowing to select a valima outfit, BIL being rude, MIL being strict on some issues etc should not be the reasons for breaking the rishtas and relationships.
Breaking up might not be a big deal in West but in desi arranged settings, it is not so easy for girls to quit things and we have to compromise and end up getting married and then work hard towards our marriage. So we should work to have more patience and tolerance and we should advise the posters here on GS to first try to save their relationships at any cost if no physical abuse is involved.
Not always incorrect. But we are all very quick in advising for break ups. We should first encourage to work on saving the relationships (if no physical abuse is involved) and if things do not work after all the attempts, we can then advise to break up. But advising break ups at once is not good as relationships are very precious and letting them go is not easy and intelligent thing to do.
Heheheh I think u didnt read my name... I m mizsani. Lol its funny to read a reply about myself in third person....
But ur right I wont break up my rishta over lil petty issues... My mil is awesome to me now n I m sure her jealousy will b fixed soon after my wedding... I m having the dream wedding tht she wanted... I can understand her jealousy towards me....
My mil is all on my side... Hehe she is even telling everyone "meri bahu ne banaya... Meri bahu ko khana khilao.. Meri bahu ko khush rakhooo" & keeps giving me duayein.. I feel sooo bad about thinking negative about her when it was my sil creating issues the entire time. My mil rocks now... Makes me feel so special. I just wanna make her happy n b happy now. I think we will have a great relationship cuz she is sooo patient with me. N she was talking bout me n I overheard... She was tellin my fil tht she loves me. It made my heart skip a beat.. :)
I think the person who is directly facing the issues is the best person to know the facts and have a clear picture in from of him/her. While explaining things to third persons, like on this forum, people can omit many small details which can lead others to wrongly judge the situation.
I think people here on GS are so expert in advising about break up and moving on. Its not always easy as you do not get good person so easily with whom you want to spend your whole life with. I agree some cases are too difficult for a person to continue to linger on. But many cases are still managable like mizsani. Mizsani's SIL is giving her problem. If she breaks up her marriage, and gets engaged somewhere else, WHAT is the guarantee that her new SIL will not be as evil as this one? In other words, she should try to look for a SIL-free proposals?
Its just that people here on GS do not usually first encourage the posters to work towards solving the situation with tolerance as relationships need patience and a lot of time its women who need to compromise more. We on GS in 99% cases give advices of breaking up a relationship if we think the guy/ in-laws are not being good towards the poster. But what will happend after the break up? What if she ends up in a worse situation after this relationship. Physical abuse is certainly not a thing where a girl should compromise. But other issues can be dealt with patience and tolerance. Yeah, if the situation becomes totally out of control, we can advise to break up and move on.
But breaking up on issues like SIL not allowing to select a valima outfit, BIL being rude, MIL being strict on some issues etc should not be the reasons for breaking the rishtas and relationships.
Breaking up might not be a big deal in West but in desi arranged settings, it is not so easy for girls to quit things and we have to compromise and end up getting married and then work hard towards our marriage. So we should work to have more patience and tolerance and we should advise the posters here on GS to first try to save their relationships at any cost if no physical abuse is involved.
Heheheh I think u didnt read my name... I m mizsani. Lol its funny to read a reply about myself in third person....
But ur right I wont break up my rishta over lil petty issues... My mil is awesome to me now n I m sure her jealousy will b fixed soon after my wedding... I m having the dream wedding tht she wanted... I can understand her jealousy towards me....
My mil is all on my side... Hehe she is even telling everyone "meri bahu ne banaya... Meri bahu ko khana khilao.. Meri bahu ko khush rakhooo" & keeps giving me duayein.. I feel sooo bad about thinking negative about her when it was my sil creating issues the entire time. My mil rocks now... Makes me feel so special. I just wanna make her happy n b happy now. I think we will have a great relationship cuz she is sooo patient with me. N she was talking bout me n I overheard... She was tellin my fil tht she loves me. It made my heart skip a beat.. :)
I did mention ur name in my post, second para, third line :)
Am soo happy for you dear. Wish you best of luck for your life. May u have the best relationships with all the members of ur in-laws including the most important susraali rishtedaar i.e. ur hubby ;)
The advises which most posters give, they are absolutely correct though those advises may sound harsh..
They surely are very harsh for the person in question. Yeah sometimes break up is the only option left. But it should be considered after every possible attempt at saving the relationships.
I just feel so sorry for all the posters going through emotional disasters :( Hope they all get what is best for them.
ok its sad to play this mud slinging here attacking the gs members. Whoever steps in a thread in my opinion they are being honest so what if their opinion may not please you or match yours.
OP, its said k roz roz ke rone se aik bar rona behter hai, and trust me, its tried and tested. Emotions dont last long but hurts do last longer. better to get rid of a relation which is a pain in the a**
when i was new…i also thought that its not right…but u will soon learn thats not gonna happen 