Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Does food ever actualy run out at weddings?
A fe weddings I went to, the DJ would announce, so and so table can go up and get their food now....but then that didn't seem fair cz we were ALL starving. Or maybe those specific tables were for close family...
has anyone ever see nweddings where men can go first and then ladies get leftovers? :(
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
^ yeh that happens in villages back home. But then, they do that meal times too...the men get to eat before the women.
I REALLY want to write'no one under 10 allowed' like queenbee but i'm afraid i'll get shunned by my family and his. i know i'll have a bunch of kids swinging on my gharara!
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Right, so i ran the idea past me mum.
and i got a look of extreme disapproval and a lecture.
i'll let the kids swing from my gharara then.
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
where is your wedding?
Could you organise a seperate play area if you abroad or maybe in a hotel in pakistan,
The valima i went to had a bouncy castle and all the kids between 7 and 10 had a table to themselves, they didnt disturb anyone!
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
I'm going to get married here in London inshAllah.
But i really don't see it happening...having kids on a separate table. I think they'll think i'm mad if i suggest such a thing...and all the aunty-jees will want their kids with them.
oh well. i can live with it.
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Maybe you could get someone to guard the stage?
I just HATE kids running around the stage there must be a way round it!
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Yes. Tie them to the table leg. (only joking)
How about having a play area set up for the children?
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Hey alvena and dildarni...
I just don't think it's possible. the barart will be a low key affair at a restaurant...so i don't think i'll be able to have a play area and even if i did set one up, i know the mothers would find it weird...so i think i'll just have to grin and bear it.
But i will have someone guard the stage.lol ;)
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
they were murdering the icecream....
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
cinammon_waffle... how about having pails with coloring books and crayons at each table where you know there will be kids? i know here you can get those from the dollar store too, i'm sure there's an equivalent somewhere in the UK like that.
at the very least, it'll keep them occupied and hopefully in their seats, next to their mums. i know it sounds hopeless, but often times, kids are running around at weddings because they're so bored and there's nothing else to do to relieve them of their high energy!
Recently I attended a few weddings and was horrified at certain things that just cannot happen at mine, absolutely not! Here are some:
Stealing seats. My poor cousins had to walk around for 10 mins after taking food because some aunties had taken over their seats while they were away getting dinner. While seating guests at numbered tables might be an issue (you don't know which chachi doesn't talk to which phoopi and which aunty has a beef with another aunty who didn't invite her to the last dawat she had), Im sure there must still be a way to accomodate people so they don't have to worry about their seat's security? I have literally seen aunties putting their purses and everything they have on the seats and telling their kids, beta khayal rakhna seat ka, koi beth nahi jaye. I want my guests to enjoy the wedding, not feel like they have a chair mission to accomplish.
Tables looking like a mini tableware/houseware store. Whats up with 3 glasses, 2 plates, countless spoons/forks/knives, napkins AND teacups/saucers along with centerpieces, wedding favors, vendors' business cards on each table? It's not an exhibition, seriously.
Tables and chairs too close together. There is hardly any space to walk around because everything is so closeby! As if 10 chairs at one table with aunties pulling up 5 more so they can sit with their jaannay walis isn't enough, there is barely a 6 inch gap between each table in the room. And then you see people trying to push through between spaces with their dupattas flying over your face and sometimes their butt hitting you. Oh and a friend of mine got oil spilled over her shoulder because of this aunty trying to squeeze by with her plate of chicken karahi tilted. Please don't tell the hotel/banquet halls that you're expecting 200 guests when it's actually 300. Don't be cheap, GET MORE SPACE.
Staying off the aisle. I find it rude when there's a red carpet laid out for the bride and groom to walk onto along with rose petals, and all you see is uncles and aunties standing around there chatting away. Not only that, the kids running up and down and throwing petals at each other. Maybe closing out the aisle area with a ribbon (or whatever that's called?) all around would help.
Dessert in teacups. Yes, the last wedding I attended, the guests were eating ras malai from the teacups, and the hotel staff had no issues bringing out even more of those. Um, yeah, they probably were relieved to not have extra dishes to wash and thought, hey these people have no issues eating from a cup, we'll save the bowls for another wedding.
The mad desi rush at food time. The emcee/dj/planner or SOMEONE should take charge and call up a few tables at a time to come get their food. Each table should have a number and every single person running towards the dinner table is quite a terrifying sight.
Invitation for 5, attendance of 20. This happened at my Nikkah also, some aunty brought along 2 families who we had never met or spoken to before, and I have seen this happen VERY commonly at weddings. If I am sending you an invitation for 5, no that is not a magic number for 10 or 15 or 20. Better way would be to write on the card, x number of seats have been reserved in your name... etc etc. Or to put it bluntly, 'I know what you did at the last wedding, DO NOT bring an army along, I will personally kick you out.'
The loud music. Some DJs get really excited and play loud music throughout the entire event. No it's not a club, it's a wedding, people need to talk and I feel irritated when I have to yell and scream and get all close to hear what the other person has to say. Save all that loud music for dancing time because I swear I walk out of almost every desi wedding all deaf and feeling like I need a hearing aid to get through the next few days.
Add in your own.
wow, you have literally narrowed it down but its exactly how i feel tooo!!! thats why we have no kids coming to the wedding except for the family...who too are illeterate but we will manage them.
And the rest i have no idea how its gonna be but i hope it will not be nething close to what you have mentioned cuz i will knock someone down hahaha ok kidding! but still
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
i went to a wedding a couple of yrs ago, the hall was packed, and as soon as the starter came out one lady comes up from behind and goes save me the seat, im was really peed off and im like what the........... at least let me eat first. i so hate wen that happens, it ruins the maza of the whole wedding.
so now whenever i go to a wedding i sit well away from the people who say things like that.
i am so grateful that my guests were civilized, alhamdulillah. phew!
alhamdulilah! same here :) no horrors..
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
Went to a wedding a coupe of weeks ago, and the family planned it beautifully.
The only thing that annoyed me was the the number of guests who brought prams into the venue hall, and would get up every 5 mins and rock them back and forward as if they were in a park.
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
I know this family who never ever confirm their Mr. & Mrs invitation. They always show up with the entire extended family. These kind of people are so selfish. They have total disregard to the price per head that the family hosting the event has to pay.
^ yeh that happens in villages back home. But then, they do that meal times too...the men get to eat before the women.
I REALLY want to write'no one under 10 allowed' like queenbee but i'm afraid i'll get shunned by my family and his. i know i'll have a bunch of kids swinging on my gharara!
If you don't want kids at your wedding, don't be afraid to say so! No one gives a crap about your wedding other than immediate family. That is why you have kids running on stage, because their mothers couldn't care less if your stage topples over or your pictures are ruined or you get a grease stain on your gharara from little Yusuf running his paws all over you. It's the ugly truth. If they cared, they would restrain their kids or take them into the hallway and occupy them. My son is rowdy and one time I took him to a wedding. When they were about to start the Nikah, I sensed he was having trouble sitting still. I took him to the hallway so that he wouldn't make any noise. I brought him back when it was over and there was the usual rush of people to the stage and it was noisy in the hall. I'd rather miss out than ruin someone's special day with my kid whining or crying.
We put a blanket restriction on kids at my sister's wedding, other than our relatives children who were coming from far away (maybe 4 or 5 total). I have two of my own, so we hired a babysitter to watch them in one of the adjoining conference rooms next to the main banquet hall. We had tried the clown/magician thing before, but maybe it's our urbane kids, they got bored and started coming back to the main hall. Instead the babysitter brought some board games and crafts. Even then, as the night wore on, the kids started getting restless, but because there were so few of them, they weren't able to egg each other on.
Overall, it worked out well for us as the wedding was totally chaos free. But truth be told, all hell broke loose amongst our "friends." They were totally p***ed off that their kids weren't invited. Part of our reasoning was also the cost. My sister wanted a very formal, fancy wedding, had saved up for it, but kids are charged exactly the same as adults. Our decision did harm many old friendships. I thought people would understand, but they didn't. A couple of my sister's friends with kids didn't show up at all. The others came with huge attitude problems. What we found odd was that these are the very same people who have no problem leaving their kids behind when they go to other parties, restaurants, date nights, beauty salons, and weekend trips. Their own functions were often child-free. But when it comes to a wedding, THEY MUST have their kids there. I don't know about the others, but I've been invited to a lot of adult only desi weddings, and usually what ends up happening is that my husband will stay behind and watch the kids. He's not keen on weddings to begin with, especially of those people who are mainly my friends that he barely knows. I don't see what the big deal is if one half of the couple stays behind if they can't find a babysitter.
Re: Lessons you have learnt from other weddings...
^ Same thing happened at one of ours, we only invited kids from VERY CLOSE friends and family, BUT there were some people who took GREAT OFFENCE that their kids weren't invited, or bcos they were restricted to MR and MRS. At the end of the day, my mum was upset by some of their comments, but the rest of us couldn't give a damn bcos these were ppl we hardly saw anyway AND their kids have a reputation for being EXTREMELY bad behaved. Another load of ppl didn't turn up BCOS they say we restricted their numbers so they thought they wouldn't turn up at all.
At these times u know who your friends are.
The Don'ts of Desi Weddings ...
Disclaimer: The following is all in good humour....
Anyone who has ever attended a pakistani/indian wedding will know what i'm talking about. No desi wedding will EVER go smoothly, NEVER without people creating some sort of an issue. And these issues start from the very beginning! Here's a list of what can be expected and what you should not do if you want to reduce (since its impossible to eliminate) the issues that might be created at your wedding:
Don't send RSVP cards with your wedding invitations. It is just useless. Nobody will ever write back to say if they're coming or not, and this will only cost you extra money to get the RSVP cards printed.
Hardly anyone is going to be on time, so book the venue timings at your own risk!
People might call u to confirm they're coming but will never tell u how many of them will be coming! So plan the catering at your own risk! The main reason of most people calling is not to congratulate or to confirm their attendance, but to investigate about your husband/wife to be!
Some elderly relative of yours is going to refuse to attend the wedding since your parents did not discuss the rishta with them, and finalised the boy/girl without first asking for their precious advice! Don't take any notice of this, let your parents handle this...
Don't try to organise the seating arrangements for your guests by placing their names on the tables. First of all, this will never be obeyed! If it is obeyed, your guests on the tables at the very back will be highly offended! (and they remember it for the rest of their lives...)
If you have 5 chairs around a table, don't expect it to stay that way for the duration of the ceremony. People will have pulled nearly 20 chairs around one table within the first 10 minutes, only so that they can chat to other relatives and also because no one is going to want to sit at the back!
In the west, wedding favors are small gifts that are laid out on the tables for each guest. Each guest takes his/her own gift as they come along and sit in their place. In desi weddings however, the guests who arrive first will take home ALL the favors! Especially, if they've got kids.. So don't bother placing anything of value on the tables!
Some of the cutlery will go missing! Your centerpiece, if small and cute, will go missing..
Anties will not wait until the bride comes out on the stage. They will try their best to enter the bride's room before the ceremony starts (only so that they can stare at her jewellery, hair, dress and gossip about it with other guests!) And believe me, they will try HARD! You nearly need a bouncer to keep them away!
Everyone is going to stand around the stage when the bride comes out, not in her honour, but to take pictures and STARE STARE STARE! Your videographer is really going to have a hard time at this point...
When anties sit with the bride on the stage to get their pictures taken, do expect them to ask questions like how much "tola" her jewellery set is!
People will not wait until after the wedding to ask questions about the groom or the bride, they will grab whoever they can and ask about the full history of the bride, especially the groom. "kia karta hai?" is the most famous question among uncles!
You can expect a certain percentage of your guests to dislike your groom if you're a bride and vice versa.
People will act like animals once the dinner is served. They will go crazy for food!!! Don't try to get the waiters to serve them one by one, NO ONE is going to queue up!
Avoid very expensive decor pieces in the guest area, the chances are very high that one of the children will knock it down!
Don't expect the post-wedding reviews to be all nice. Prepare to hear alot of rumours later on...
Basically, if your wedding was 99.9% perfect, people will think and talk about that 0.01% that was not so perfect. If your wedding was 100% perfect, people will just not believe it to be! They will try and CREATE that 0.01% imperfection, even by saying things like "could've been better!"
It all sounds quite funny now but trust me, meeting ignorant people at desi weddings is a not-so-funny experience! Share some of your experiences with us on this thread.
Re: The Don'ts of Desi Weddings ...
:D
funny yet true
and thats sad
:D