My husband has recently gone to Pakistan, he has not been for a few years and it was time for him to see his family, he refused to take myself or even the kids with him and his family did not even express a desire to see the grandkids.
We had saved some money for his trip, we had some cash at hand to keep the household running while he was gone and also had an emergency fund…
a few weeks before he left, my car broke down, it ended up costing almost £1000 which was the emergency fund.
The car is still not reliable and will need some extra work doing to it which will cost approx £500+ my hubby has refused to get the car repaired, i now have only enough cash at hand for groceries and petrol expenses.
my hubby realised that the car is unreliable and dangerous but got mad at me every time i told him to get the car repaired, he has still kept his Pakistan wad of cash close to him, he could have repaired the car and also had plenty left for his trip…but NO
i am really annoyed at him for swanning off to Pakistan leaving us in this situation,i know that my car will not get me through this next month while he is away, what am i supposed to do, where am i supposed to find the money to get it repaired..
to add insult to injury he’s looking into kitting his brothers car out with a sound system and all sorts now.
i feel he’s become so selfish recently and just wants to got pakistan and show off as a well to do foreigner who has plenty of cash to throw around, while i will be struggling to keep going from behind…or am i totally wrong and have i become the selfish one???
you can call me crazy but i did what i thought was right at the time, whats the point of me hoarding cash while he's struggling. ]
i was working, but thought it was better to be a stay at home mum...inshallah in a few years i will go back to work.
i cant talk to him now...let him have his fun, i just needed to vent its better on here than me taking to him and stressing him out...he's gonna be in shock when he hears the garage quote, i'd rather tell him when he gets back and rely on the AA till then
It may be easier to sell the car and purchase a reliable one (which I know is not an option at the moment).
Vent away lol
PS: If the car is unreliable and you have young children, I would advise against using it...make arrangements with friends or family and accompany them to the superstore etc to purchase groceries!
:( thats sad. and i dont think anyone has the right to call you crazy. its what happens in relationships. my mum has always given every last penny to my dad, and vice versa. What you did was right, But what he did is totally out of order.
i suggest you try your best to get a friends/family car to help you out. Or maybe sum1 in ur family can help you out?
i cant expect friends n family to chauffeur me and kids everywhere, i have the school and mosque runs, will be popping into the garage tomorrow to see what they can do, n might have to borrow money from family, but i dont want my parents to realise what situation he's left me in
Borrow the money from someone (not your parents for the reasons that you mentioned) or get the car fixed and pay for the repairs by credit card and let the husband deal with the bill when he gets back.
Hun, you did what a lot of wives would do-support their husband when they need it weather it's financial or emotional however I'm married too and if my husband did that I would have hissy fits especially if he left me in the UK with a car he knew wasn't fit to run.
If you can safely arrange to borrow the money without stressing yourself out try to do so. Can you arrange an overdraft on your account or something on a temp basis?
Can you not get the kids some time off mosque and they can read at home? I know that would throw a possible spanner in the works but it would cut down on your runs for which you need the car? Maybe they will understand the issues you are facing (e.g. car problems).
Is there any parents in your area you could offer a couple of quid to so they take your children with theres? Just a thought.
For future reference though hun when the OH gets back maybe you should have words with him in private. Maybe it's just me but sound systems in his brothers car over your car that is used to run the household is unacceptable (in my humble opinion-how you run your home is up to you) however as you've posted on here I thought it was only far to share my honest thoughts.
thanx guys, princess i know where you are coming from, i dont know why but i get the feeling he is just trying his best to win his family over with money…i dont know:confused: .
i just pray he comes back home safe and sound…par wapis ponchne pe khair nai, i’ll sort him out when he gets back:ASA:
He is selfish!!! Yes, u should have your own money, but I dont understand people here that are telling you that its your fault. What kind of husband leaves his wife and children in that situation? Anyhow, you should get a part time job at least and make your own money...I dont want to bash your husband, im sure that he is a nice guy, but you obviously cannot depend on him...dont take it personally (im not attacking him), I really believe that all women should work, even those with a generous or rich husand, because u never know...
last night my brother turns up at my house, and gives me his car keys and asks for mine..i asked him why..then he tells me that my husband had booked my car in at a garage for today and told my brother to oversee the repairs and also left him with some cash and also his credit card................
aaaaaaaaaah why did he not tell me and why did he watch me suffer........i'm so annoyed with him, relieved but annoyed.
every time i would mention the car he'd say fikar nai karo ho jaye ga...not once did he tell me that he'd already made the arrangements.
psquared my husband has never been like this, thats why i was so upset and hurt that he would ' leave in the lurch' but he didn't he just did not want to give me any stress (so he says) not knowing how stressed out i already was.
diwana.....i think i will definitely throttle him on his return now...lol
so in the end all izz well!!!!!! Inshallah i will have my car back by the end of today or tomorrow and not be out of pocket.
thanks for the advice and support guys
r u crazy lady?