This phase is probably the toughest when it comes to the wedding detailing. It’s something that all of us fear … the rukhsati time. How did you get through it?
For me, its already a big melodramatic situation when i think about it. It takes me a minute to cry when I think that i wouldn’t be able to see them for months or in fact years. Girls who have their parents in the same city or same country are super lucky without realizing how big of a blessing they have. Its easy to say that be positive, look to the bright side, i am sure all will be well etc. the fact will remain that its a biggg piece of us we give out. Its still pretty manageable for girls who meet their parents often and both sides realize they are doing good anyway but for those who wouldn’t even see them for years its a terrible feeling.
My father is the sort who keeps himself busy always either with reading a million books .. he is a true book worm, would listen to old songs, meet his friends, … anything to keep himself busy. My mum on the other hand is complete opposite. She is the extremely emotional, sentimental sort of woman who cries on other’s pains.. who wouldn’t sleep all night even if she hears a bad news on TV regarding some stranger. She cannot keep herself busy. The only thing that she enjoys is being with us kids and since I am her only daughter, i am her best friend. I take care of her health and keep her involved in other things. My brothers are all in either different countries or cities.
For me, leaving my mother .. more than anything else is the toughest decision amongst all. It had to happen but I never wished that I’d be married out of the country but fate has its own ways. As the days are coming closer, its hovering over my head all the time… how will she spend her time, how will she manage not seeing or talking to me every day, how will she manage her health, who will be there when she is an emotional break down. I so hate the girl-leaving-her-house business.
How did you girls pass through this phase? emotional dramas? mood swings? How often do you meet your parents? How did they manage without you? How do you fix your mind that all will be well and they wouldnt break down? I am their only daughter so its more of a tough situation because of the excessive emotional attachments which are obvious in every thing they do. I am gonna cry now ..
The time when you would be making the big move would be the hardest! Just stay strong and don't cry in front of your parents. The days that follow IA would be a lot more bearable and once you'd get busy and settled it would be fine IA but not a day would pass when you wont miss home and your city :(
but skype and fb are lifesavers ! Honestly they are the ones to get me through. I can't believe I have been away from my parents since almost 5 months now :( sigh but trust me it's much better than being without your husband as I have been through that phase too..and that is more difficult after you are married. DD have you been done with the visa processing? When are you getting married :D
Its the start of next year. My parents dont know how to use FB or skype and Im sure even after teaching they would mess up with it but even then its not enough.
I need to see them, meet them, talk to them, love them, care for them, be there for them,hug them, kiss them, make then tea ...
.. one tiny phone call means nothing in the real life when you have to be there for them.
Its the start of next year. My parents dont know how to use FB or skype and Im sure even after teaching they would mess up with it but even then its not enough.
I need to see them, meet them, talk to them, love them, care for them, be there for them,hug them, kiss them, make then tea ...
.. one tiny phone call means nothing in the real life when you have to be there for them.
Mentally prepare yourself for a transition period. Accept the fact that you will be leaving your parents. Accepting this is the first step towards managing it. Theres no problem in crying your hearts out, discussing this with parents, sharing how it would be difficult to live without them, how you will miss being with them, how it will be difficult after rukhsati etc. I don’t think avoiding this topic will be a good idea because you will face it one day Insha Allah. So better to discuss with your parents and its ok to cry with them by remembering the actual rukhsati. This way you will all prepare yourself for the inevitable and will be stronger when the actual time arrives. Look around yourself and get any of the close aunts/ uncles etc to mentally prepare your parents about this. It will be more difficult for them since you will be busy with your husband in your honeymoon period Insha Allah ;). But your parents will be missing you alot since they won’t find you around. Get your mom some hobby, get her involved in some NGO, get her some books etc. Hope its easy for your parents to continue with their lives smoothly without you.
Why do you have to leave them? Are you moving to a different country or city?
I know I wouldn't be able to move away from them. The thought kills me.. It's best to stay in the same city. Can't you do that?
^ I know where this is going. Before you start calling us hypocrites, we are talking about not moving so far away if it bothers her so much, we are NOT asking her to keep living with her parents after marriage.
It upsets me, and I am often away at university! However, as time goes on I am starting to think that perhaps it is just one of those transitions that have to happen in life. Plus our parents want to Insha-Allah see us happy, so if this will make them happy, it is ok :). I know I am going to cry like a baby when the time comes though!
ahh thats so emotional...even im getting married in the same city, feeling of leaving ur parents really is horrible, with so many unfolded things in the furure, ive started work when i had few months left with my parents and sometimes i feel if that wasnt the right decision, i'm not able to spend quality time with them, my last 3 months :(....hope best for all the girls...
Why am i going forward with it?
Although I was strict about not moving abroad, things happened out of no where and it rarely happens that every single member of my family was happy for a rishta .. although abroad. Everything he & his family had fit out expectations so we went forward with it. I don’t regret my decision but yes I do cringe when i think about leaving my parents.
He cannot move back here as well since he works at one of the world’s top 5 companies; it would be unfair to ask him to leave his dream job at the peak of his career. Plus, I cant think of living without him where ever that may be.That option is worse.
So all in all, it has to happen some day and its best I prepare myself but its too big a sacrifice and it makes me cry in like a minute. Its a very difficult phase. Why cant we just have all we want together as well …
Before you start calling us hypocrites, we are talking about not moving so far away if it bothers her so much, we are NOT asking her to keep living with her parents after marriage.
