Probably the only sane piece of advice here. Our generation is a bunch of trigger happy divorce addicts. Reading the Life forum makes me feel like waking up into a new world each day. Sitting thousands of miles away from thread-starters, and commenting about almost wholly unknown situations, leave him / leave her advice is spewed out like there is no tomorrow. This FIL is horrible but may be ... just may be try to find other solutions to make things better?
This military-style, shoot-to-kill approach to relationships makes me wonder if there is any human factor left in our relationships at all.
The military-style, shoot-the-bahu approach to marriages makes me wonder if there is any human factor left in in-laws' relationships with their DIL's. How many years has Pakistan been around, and how many years have these topics been discussed in the community, and still things like this happen today. People have been to the moon and back, and this old man thinks its okay to treat this girl the way she's described, and despite her western upbringing and education, she doesn't have the guts to stand up for her own rights and dignity???
Why is it the preferred and perscribed solution : "bardash karo" in these sorts of situations?
When will we start holding in-laws responsible for the abuse they perpetuate????
My husband is the biggest moms and pops boy I have ever seen in my life. Yesturday his father came in the kitchen and got mad beacuse I was cooking something else when there was food cooked allready in the fridge... He made a point to take everything out of the fridge and throw it on the counter top to show me how much food we have and you are still cooking. (there was only one gosht , and tiny bit of dall). I knew there was food cooked but I wanted to make some more so I dont have to cook during the weekdays since I have two jobs and it is difficult to cook and clean. I told him that I only made this so I dont have to cook during the weekday and can consentrate on cleaning the house during the weekdays. He got opsit and started to yell at me and told me how bad my cooking is and how I should not make it spicy and if I want soemthing spicy I should make chtney and not ruiend their food. ( I HAVE NEVER MADE SPICY FOOD since I have been in the hell hole. god only know why he keep saying its spicy, I make sure that i use chutney or green peper if I want spicy)
Comming back to the day..... Since he was upset....He ordered me to clean the stove while he watched and got mad beacuse I was not cleaning it well enough and then stood there and ordered me to wash the dishes, counter top while he watched and made his comments.... I hate him... I hope he dies very soon! There is nothing I can do that will make him happy.....
He loves money (he was a police officer in pak, riswaat khoor) he literly asks me for money every month.... I give him money every month so he would not bother ( how many bahoos you know who do that??) I try to keep him and my MONSTER in law happy but it seems like there is nothing I can do to keep them happy. My father in law is becomming really abusive to me and I am really mad!!! So much that I am thinking about leaving love of my life .... My husband.... He saw what my FIL did yesturday in the kithen but told me that he is elder and I should ignore it.... I have been ignoring ..... I cant anymore....
Please help...
I dont want to leave my husband beacuse he is a good man he just loves his parents very much... I understand beacuse I love mine as well but I was thinking... if my monther of father did anything like this to him then I would tell them not to do it beacuse I love him.... I wish he would do the same for me but he doesnt seem strong enough to be able to do that.....
Do you think if I leave him he will come to me and ask me to be with him ask his parents to respect me??? I know he loves me but I dont know if he loves me enough.....
I dont know I am making sense at this time but I just want to write this so I can get some sort of relief....
Thanks
you can demand to live seperate. This is your islamic right.
make him understand how unhappy you are - and why
if he thinks you should just deal with the situation then swallow it as a bitter truth and live with it
or - if you think you can survive without him then leave him
My husband is the biggest moms and pops boy I have ever seen in my life. Yesturday his father came in the kitchen and got mad beacuse I was cooking something else when there was food cooked allready in the fridge... He made a point to take everything out of the fridge and throw it on the counter top to show me how much food we have and you are still cooking. (there was only one gosht , and tiny bit of dall). I knew there was food cooked but I wanted to make some more so I dont have to cook during the weekdays since I have two jobs and it is difficult to cook and clean. I told him that I only made this so I dont have to cook during the weekday and can consentrate on cleaning the house during the weekdays. He got opsit and started to yell at me and told me how bad my cooking is and how I should not make it spicy and if I want soemthing spicy I should make chtney and not ruiend their food. ( I HAVE NEVER MADE SPICY FOOD since I have been in the hell hole. god only know why he keep saying its spicy, I make sure that i use chutney or green peper if I want spicy)
Comming back to the day..... Since he was upset....He ordered me to clean the stove while he watched and got mad beacuse I was not cleaning it well enough and then stood there and ordered me to wash the dishes, counter top while he watched and made his comments.... I hate him... I hope he dies very soon! There is nothing I can do that will make him happy.....
He loves money (he was a police officer in pak, riswaat khoor) he literly asks me for money every month.... I give him money every month so he would not bother ( how many bahoos you know who do that??) I try to keep him and my MONSTER in law happy but it seems like there is nothing I can do to keep them happy. My father in law is becomming really abusive to me and I am really mad!!! So much that I am thinking about leaving love of my life .... My husband.... He saw what my FIL did yesturday in the kithen but told me that he is elder and I should ignore it.... I have been ignoring ..... I cant anymore....
Please help...
I dont want to leave my husband beacuse he is a good man he just loves his parents very much... I understand beacuse I love mine as well but I was thinking... if my monther of father did anything like this to him then I would tell them not to do it beacuse I love him.... I wish he would do the same for me but he doesnt seem strong enough to be able to do that.....
Do you think if I leave him he will come to me and ask me to be with him ask his parents to respect me??? I know he loves me but I dont know if he loves me enough.....
I dont know I am making sense at this time but I just want to write this so I can get some sort of relief....
Thanks
Are you sure you have told us all the facts? This seems to be one side of the picture ....there always is the other side which we normally hide and its a human nature..nothing against you..I do it, u do it ...everyone do it. We only tell the side of story WE like or tell the part of story that shows that WE ARE AT THE RECEIVING END. If one gets the opinion by telling only half of the facts, it can harm more than it can help.
