My husband is the biggest moms and pops boy I have ever seen in my life. Yesturday his father came in the kitchen and got mad beacuse I was cooking something else when there was food cooked allready in the fridge… He made a point to take everything out of the fridge and throw it on the counter top to show me how much food we have and you are still cooking. (there was only one gosht , and tiny bit of dall). I knew there was food cooked but I wanted to make some more so I dont have to cook during the weekdays since I have two jobs and it is difficult to cook and clean. I told him that I only made this so I dont have to cook during the weekday and can consentrate on cleaning the house during the weekdays. He got opsit and started to yell at me and told me how bad my cooking is and how I should not make it spicy and if I want soemthing spicy I should make chtney and not ruiend their food. ( I HAVE NEVER MADE SPICY FOOD since I have been in the hell hole. god only know why he keep saying its spicy, I make sure that i use chutney or green peper if I want spicy)
Comming back to the day… Since he was upset…He ordered me to clean the stove while he watched and got mad beacuse I was not cleaning it well enough and then stood there and ordered me to wash the dishes, counter top while he watched and made his comments… I hate him… I hope he dies very soon! There is nothing I can do that will make him happy…
He loves money (he was a police officer in pak, riswaat khoor) he literly asks me for money every month… I give him money every month so he would not bother ( how many bahoos you know who do that??) I try to keep him and my MONSTER in law happy but it seems like there is nothing I can do to keep them happy. My father in law is becomming really abusive to me and I am really mad!!! So much that I am thinking about leaving love of my life … My husband… He saw what my FIL did yesturday in the kithen but told me that he is elder and I should ignore it… I have been ignoring … I cant anymore…
Please help…
I dont want to leave my husband beacuse he is a good man he just loves his parents very much… I understand beacuse I love mine as well but I was thinking… if my monther of father did anything like this to him then I would tell them not to do it beacuse I love him… I wish he would do the same for me but he doesnt seem strong enough to be able to do that…
Do you think if I leave him he will come to me and ask me to be with him ask his parents to respect me??? I know he loves me but I dont know if he loves me enough…
I dont know I am making sense at this time but I just want to write this so I can get some sort of relief…
oh man, your husband needs to step up to the plate and come to your defense. your father in law sounds like a complete a-hole who needs lessons in manners and anger management. there is NO justification, age or otherwise, for him treating you like crap and speaking to you like you were his servant. (even then, who on earth treats a servant like that??!)
and moreover, his age should have taught him that respect is earned, not simply handed over. unbelievable. if its gotten as bad as you wanting to leave your hubs over this, i suggest you sit down and have a serious conversation with your husband and lay it on the line for him. he needs to understand how upset you are over this, how rudely you're being treated, and how you're not a doormat for his father to walk all over!
make sure your husband understands his father's behaviour is unacceptable. he loves his parents, great, but does he love you? does he not see what you're going through? its time he started acting like a big boy to stand up and protect his wife from further abuse-- enough is enough.
Calm Down!!!! I cant say that i understand how frustrated you are but i can feel your pain....And please dont even think about eaving your husband....i mean why would punish yourself....i truely beleive we should respect our elders but why your FIL is soooo mean to you and why husband dont say him anything...i mean i am not saying he should yell at him but he can just talk to him about him yelling at you....Talk with your husband and let him know you feel and ask him to talk to his parents cuz i am sure he dont want you to be a bad DIL.....mean while you try to stay calm and pray to Allah that things will change....IS your FIL like this with everyone or its just you?????
You need to have a serious talk with your husband. Sometimes to avoid conflicts he may expect you to tolerate more than you really can so just talk it out with him. He will understand and you both can come up with a non threatening way to fix this problem. Don't take drastic steps to fix problems otherwise you may lose everything you have.
do you have any kids yet?
how long have u two been married for?
ur in laws are only going to be a problem for a little while..dont ruin ur marriage just because of them..because on the long run you are going to be with your husband..
talk to your husband abt ur feelings..and then i guess go from there
dont plan everything in your head and make your own decision without talking to your husband first
You are a wife and daughter-in-law who deserves to be treated with respect. A servant who gets paid to do these jobs does not deserve to be treated in this manner.
I really feel that if you do not show them now what kind of behavior is or is not acceptable, you will deal with this for the rest of your life.
He loves money (he was a police officer in pak, riswaat khoor) he literly asks me for money every month.... I give him money every month so he would not bother ( how many bahoos you know who do that??)
***Since you earn your own Money...No one is entitled to it except you......
Just move away from the in laws............u r husband will understand.
I actually think that telling him you are thinking of leaving him will make things worse initially. So my advice to you would be to tell him that this has become such a strain on you that you are thinking of getting your parents involved to possibly talk to his father. I think this will show him the seriousness of the issue.
If you love him, there is no need to bring up the fact that you are thinking of leaving him just to get away from his parents. That might actually make him think that you dont love him as much as you say you do.
Men and women sometimes think of these things differently. He might have grown up seeing his dad do this with his mother and so he doesnt see it in the enormity that you do, since his mother may not have ever complained about it.
I would rather move out and get a place of my own or stay with friends for awhile, than to actually hand over divorce papers right away.
But that is just me.
I say tell him you are going to talk to your parents about this, and then see what he says and go from there.
I think that it is time that your husband speaks up for you and you two move out. Also stop giving your FIL any money. And next time he shouts at you, stop everything wherever it is and go to your room and close the door. Also tell your parents and involve them.
You have my sympathies chamali. Your FIL is abusing you, plain and simple. It needs to be stopped - most preferably before there are little children involved. Try again to involve your hubby before involving your parents. Explain to him how serious the issue is and that as much as you love him, you cannot endure this type of treatment from your in-laws. The longer he gets away with it, the worse he will become.
You know, I've always admired Desi culture for their strong committment to elders and their total respect of them. But there HAS to be limits here! I've seen some awful, awful situations where an elder was abusive and allowed to get away with it just because they have lived on the planet longer. There is a difference between respect for elders and taking abuse because they're old.
It is in no way disrespectful for your husband to say "Father, I love you dearly and mean no disrespect. But the harsh relationship between you and my wife is a source of stress my marriage and I cherish my marriage very much. If you could soften your ways with her, you would be helping me to make my marriage as successful as I want it to be." How could FIL construe that as disrespectful?
damn... thats some serious situation. Dont think about leavin ur husband...cuz in the end ..ull be the one suffering...Talk to ur husband about this...if this doesnt work.... tell him that you want to move out, and not want to live with in-laws anymore. This would work for sure..
I love my parents too..but now that doesnt mean ill let my father abuse my future wife for no reason...they need to understand that wife is not their servent. Gosh, why dont in-laws understand?.. u give respect...u get respect.
First of all, forget being a wife or a DIL, you're a human and regardless of how they are related to you, they have no right to treat you like that, period. You're not their servant, you're not dependent on them, heck you make your own money and support THEM- where do they get off yelling at you and telling you all this nonsense? You need to get your own self-respect, by hook or by crook. You can't stand there saying nothing and doing whatever this man is telling you to. This way dear, he's gonna keep stomping all over you and thinking that it is okay to do so. You need to either tell him firmly next time to stop being a jerk or just leave and make a point. In Islam, you are suppose to respect your husband's parents but you are not OBLIGATED to take any sort of crap from them. I can't believe how you haven't said anything to them yet. Please try talking to your husband FIRMLY and get your point across by telling him that look, I love you alot but I am sorry, I cannot live my life like this and with so much unhappiness. This is not what I wanted when I married you. I respect your parents but I don't think it even matters to them. If you want to stay with me, you better do something about it or I am going to go stay with my parents. Trust me, with you working two jobs and cooking for them and what not, no husband or inlaws would dare let go of you. You just have to step up and make this work on your own. I admire your strength though, I hope this works out for you soon, InshaAllah.