"Last Seen"

Lifestyle Relationships
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41

Re: "Last Seen"

It seems like you guys are in the second phase of the relationship where all the excitement of getting to know a person goes away and you just have personality/similar hobbies that are left.
The second part of the problem is it seems you guys are in a LDR which kind of makes the situation worse. Both sides have to put in a equal amount of effort, and it seems like you are doing your part but she's not doing hers.

So, you have a couple of options here op...

The first one is say no to your parents, which obviously you are scared/not sure of doing. And cancel the engagement. With how things are going this is probably the best scenario. I would bring this up with her first, tell her straight up, "I feel like I'm always the one trying in this relationship, and you need to also put in the same effort other wise I don't think this will work and I will call off the engagement"

Like a person can be busy, but it doesn't take a long to respond with, "sorry I'm busy will text later. "

But I also suggest you tell her to go into her stupid whatsapp options and turn "last seen off", it seems like you are always in your own mind, and if you don't see her last seen, it will take some tension off of you. Out of sight..out of mind,

The second is... and I don't recommend this, but it does have its place... is to play her stupid game. Ignore her, let her initiate. While you go find another girl to talk too. If she has another secret boyfriend, fine..let him have her. If you've already talked to her about not putting in the same effort as you in the relationship than, I would start moving on to greener pastures while stringing her along as she is stringing you along. As other posters have suggested, the evidence kind of points in this direction. You can't 100% know she's talking to another guy, but this helps you double down and minimizes risk.

How many potential risthas have you talked to before meeting her? Just interested in knowing.

The third is to just suck it up and wait, if you like the way she looks, her personality, her hobbies and interests than wait until the wedding, go find a hobby and let her do her own thing. Go watch some tv shows, go learn a new language. Keep your self busy without her in your life. As it always has been.
If you feel you can do better, than go to option 1.

But the way I currently see it, it seems talking to this girl and checking her last seen on whatsapp has become your new hobby. But you guys are engaged, one would normally assume you guys are exclusive and I don't think she'll be talking to another guy, especially if she traditional/conservative as you say. Maybe you guys have run out of things to talk about? If im on the phone with a girl, I'm usually talking to her for 30+ to 1 hour each time.

Hope this post gave you some insight. sorry for the length

42

Re: "Last Seen"

I've never bought the "too busy to text" nonsense. In this day and age where EVERYONE is glued to their phones all the damn time, there's just no excuse. Anytime I didn't text someone back, it's because I didn't want to, plain and simple. So if she's not replying, she doesn't want to.

43

Re: "Last Seen"

I know this is the thing that bothers me. Every time I've asked her she said "Mujey app ki fikar hai" but I feel she says this halfheartedly. I don't feel any emotions coming from her. The other day I blocked her and she called me 7 times trying to get a hold of me but I didn't pick up. She then apologized and when I said you're not putting in any effort she made the same damn excuse again. I'm not sure how to get the truth out of her.

44

Re: "Last Seen"

For the most part, the way I used text messaging (sms or any other messaging app) is not for real-time conversation, but more so that I can send a message and have someone reply at their convenience. So inherently it's something where I expect some type of delay. Many times I don't text immediately because it would interrupt whatever I'm in the middle of doing. If I feel it's something that needs an immediate response, then I'll text back right away, as soon as I can get free enough from whatever I'm doing. Other times, responding to the message would involve more than a quick short answer (such as having to lookup info to give a person their answer) and to write a more thought out, detailed response would be too time consuming for that moment. In any case, I won't generally interrupt the flow of whatever I'm doing to reply to a text message and will get to it when I'm more free.

As for OP, I can't really comment on your situation since I had zero contact with my (now) wife during our engagement period and I know she's the type who would avoid contact until after nikah.

45

Re: "Last Seen"

hmmm, blocking somone is kind of immature. The fact that she called you 7x is also something to note, if I didn't care for someone I wouldnt call 7x trying to get a hold of them.

The other thing is if she keeps saying the same damn excuse why don't you say, that excuse doesnt cut it? You should also give her clear concise goals of what you want accomplished, Setup a skype call everyday at a certain time. And if she doesnt make it, you've got your answer.
or be like I what a response on whatsapp between 1-2 hours max, (if your so bent on texting)

But fyi, you don't get to know someone and form a relationship through texting, you form a relationship through talking/meeting. Texting is there if you don't want a reply right away. If I sent a text from anyone, its assumed its not that important. If its important you call.

I've met girls who were horrible texters, there was this one girl who I thought forgot about me, cause she didn't respond in a week. But if I called her, she would pick up every damn time. they loved talking on the phone.

Like I said in my earlier post, looking at last seen and them not responding to you right away is par for the course. Call if its so important

46

Re: "Last Seen"

Honestly I was sick and tired of her not responding to me so I thought to myself I'm just gonna block her and if she has any care in the world she'll try to reach me. She did, but that felt very nonchalant. Not strong force, no explanation, as if she was asking me if a stranger asks you for directions. I feel so strong pull from her, I speak to my female friends and they care enough to reply to my text right away and answer my phone calls. Whenever I wanna speak with her on the phone she goes "Kis bare mein baat karni hai" instead of saying "Sure call me" You see where the confusion lies. It's like she's stringing me a long just case something doesn't work out with someone else and she call fall back on me. She also feels guilty in leaving me because it'll make her look bad in front her parents. She wants to leave everything on me. She's giving me these subtle hints so that I'll leave her. Why do women play these mind games?

47

Re: "Last Seen"

Hmm, but that's the thing bro, you don't know if she's really stringing you along. And even though it feels very nonchalant from her end that's how some girls are. But you are the one talking to her and if you feel this is the case than, you know better. You have to go with your gut in these sort of cases. Although, I would straight up ask her if she was talking to someone else and if she was I would end it there. It's better to the bigger person than to play mind games. If she lies and says she's not talking to anyone than secretley is. Than she will answer to Allah.
A relationship should be based on trust and if you feel she's shady its just better to call it off, be the bigger man, and be honest with your parents.

There isn't much you can do to verify other than ask her to take a screenshot of her whatsapp but thats an invasion of privacy and sort of creepy.

You could string her along as well, but really who has time for the stupid games women play.

48

Re: "Last Seen"

OK I love texting, but oh god if someone said this to me, it would really put me off and raise red flags. That's just...too much.

49

Re: "Last Seen"

Because we are good at it and you fools fall for it. Just kidding. Man, your situation is sad. Break it off already!

50

Re: "Last Seen"

Men like OP clearly have the time for the stupid games women play.

51

Re: "Last Seen"

lol, I know its weird, but the way things are going, might as well raise all the red flags on both sides.

Although, the way you phrase the skype thing, that can sound normal, but setting a requirement for response on whatsapp is definitely "control freak" warning...

[QUOTE]
Men like OP clearly have the time for the stupid games women play.
[/QUOTE]

I wouldnt have gotten engaged without talking to some one for 4-6 months at least to avoid situations like this, But he's up the creek without a paddle now.

52

Re: "Last Seen"

Tomorrow is the day that I'm going to set the record straight. I've asked her to come on skype and if I feel that she doesn't really care, I'll break it off. Stay tuned.

53

Re: "Last Seen"

Firstly, asking her to screenshot her whatsapp is an invasion of privacy as well as being creepy and she could also easily just delete any incriminating conversations before doing a screenshot if she wanted to..

What would be the point of stringing her along too? Wouldn't it be a huge waste of time creating or holding together a relationship which would essentially be fake..

54

Re: "Last Seen"

Move on dude. She is ignoring you and there is plenty of fish in the pond.

55

Re: "Last Seen"

Decided to end it. I asked her if it was ok for me to call her and she goes "On skype ya kya?" and I said I'll call her on the phone. She ignored the message and was ON whatsapp online. I asked her again and still nothing. I told her I didn't have to play her stupid games and that no one is that busy because she'd been on whatsapp the entire day. She says that her phone broke and she has no skype etc on the new one but she has whatsapp for her "Friends" ok so her friends are more important than me? She can text them talk to them but not me? So I told her straight to never contact me again and stop wasting my time. Then I blocked her, she tried calling me but I didn't pick up. She sent a text message telling me never to contact her and let parents decide, but I'm going to say no to my parents and end this farce. Thanks for your help guys, this put in perspective a lot of things.

56

Re: "Last Seen"

Good job bro! You should have ended this drama long time ago. If she was going to marry you...and that she is not being committed then...i tell you..InshAllah..you will find much better person...and you will eventually.

57

Re: "Last Seen"

ya, good on you for ending it, she clearly doesn't have her priorities straight. You'll have peace of mind now, not having to deal with her drama.
I do find it hilarious that she texted you back saying to never to contact her again...and to let the parents decide?, What a childish response..I guess she just wanted the last word.
And still writing letting the parents decide? obviously she has no control of her own life.

58

Re: "Last Seen"

FYI re: whatsapp and other apps......sometimes it just shows you as online even when you're not.

My husband works nights sometimes, and he's told me that he sees ME as online even though I'm fast asleep (and yes, I was asleep and had my phone on airplane mode and all apps shut off, computer was shut off too so don't know why I was online). A few times I saw HIM online/active, even though I knew he was asleep...I even sent him the screenshots to prove it. It happens and I never give any attention to it.

59

Re: "Last Seen"

Never thought WhatsApp's last seen could do so much damage. I thought it was just reserved to those memes on Facebook. 😂😂😂

60

Re: "Last Seen"

To those who are replying to OP, would you change your answer if you find that OP is a woman?

p.s. no offence intended.