Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Hmm..thank god my family in Pakistan wasn't that way,
When i was engaged with my husband i saw him everyday we
going out ect.. i dont know whats wrong with it to go out with ur fiancee.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Yours coz i think the Islamic way dont accept it haina ?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
what is common between a leper and desi wisdom ?
they both dont exist. :)
i dont see ANYTHING wrong with a girl visiting a guy's house with family. it might make parents feel awkward though...
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
its all about culture and our culture is very reserved. I say if one wants to meet his/her fiance after engagement please by all means go ahead and dont' worry about what "duniya" walay would say.. they will say even if you don't meet.. "dekho inki engagement tou hogayi lekin yeh miltay nahi hain.. lagta hai yeh khush nahi hain aik dusray sey"..
lanat hai iss culture per.. dur fitay moonh ho iss culture ka.. jaan ka azab hai yeh culture ... ok i am done.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
faizy, I'm only looking for cultural explanation, as I'm well aware that the adults are not sticking to any Islamic interpretation for this matter.
Thank you for all the replies. The majority here seems to be stressing that it's only done to avoid any attachment as well as misunderstandings prior to the actual nikkah.
I find it hard to grasp that this could be the sole/main reason.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
your points are True but that is NOT superstitions…don’t tell me u never came across the scenarios where engagements were broken upon these kinda stupidities… it’s damn common in our Desi culture .. larki ki chachii nay larkay kay xyz rishtaydaar ko mazaaq mazaaq main kuch kah diya. loo jee ‘Izzat’ ka masla ho gaye… rishta khatem. Khalaass.
Sadiyah .. as someone had already mentioned, it is extremely hard to recover for some people (specially for girls) if their engagement ends because of some XYZ reasons. thats why parents usually dont like too much meetings after engagements because they fear the ‘emotional attachment’ between the two..
plus, ‘a girl’ is always expected to Look pretty and ‘Act’ somewhat close to Perfect by her potential inlaws and she is always under the observations.. which is not quite possible for her.. .. that’s why less meetings are far Much better as per my opinion..
and last.. but and very solid reason as per my mom ‘larkiyon ki sharam, kasissh aur jhijhak (hesitation) khatem ho jati hai bar bar iss tarhan say milnay say’. …and alot of Modest Parents still like to see Bashfulness among their daughters. 
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
^ I heard that from family members (door k rishteydaar) and they've had experience, but my direct family hasn't had any experience as such. That's why I said it's superstition to me because I don't believe in such stuff. Sab Allah ki taraf sey hota hai, hum tou sirf bahana hotey hain. If it's in the fate, it'll happen, if not, it won't. :)
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
orite.. cultural it is
there is no desi 'wisdom' behind it ..lack of trust on guy and fear of humiliation for girl.. so basically its narrow-mindnes..
ancestors say its good to be cautious..mangni to ho gayi hay, shadi bhi ho jayegi, just dont get the matters all hyped up.. guy would be called desperate if he visits, and girl would be call baysharam .
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Is rukhsati important for a marriage to start (i mean can you be married and "rukhsati" not have happened?).
Or is that just wife on paper?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
on paper..
wellllllllllllllllllllllll.......... u can have nikah done, with like family members being present, and that means u announced girl and guy are hooked, but not living together YET... and the public reception would mean that ok FROM NOW ON they will be living together..
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Sadiyah, I think it has to do with fear that the girl and guy may get a little too close before the wedding. People will talk and gossip, etc.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Yeh my bro has this kind of arrangment and they talk all the time.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
It’s NOT necessary to ‘Experience’ something before ‘Believing’ on it… May u never experience such absurdity in your life to Accept it True.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
That is exactly why at least in my case! mostly about people talking and gossiping, we are not placed under any restrictions but going to his house and him coming over mine is a big no-no
Hamza has never stepped a foot in my apartment and I bet you everyone thinks he comes over all the time. 
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
because it’s haraam and that’s it!
My nani ammi was very strict about these kinds of things. Both of my aunts who got married in the past few years were not allowed to see or talk to their future hubbies.
I remember a story that one of my aunts told me is that once the future hubby came to meet my grandparents. They would pull down the curtains and close the doors of the room he was sitting in. Once my aunt forgot to close the door and just pulled down the curtain and I guess when my engaged aunt was walking past the room, you could see her feet from inside the room. After teh future hubby left, my aunt got a great deal of yelling at because he saw my aunts’ feet. And my aunt only saw him through pics and he saw my aunt after watching the engagement video in which she wasnt looking up at all, so i guess he dint even see her eyes until after they were married. :S
As for my other aunt, she was actually getting married to a relative guy. So she’s seen him and he’s seen her but never had actually ever talked. And ofcourse, after they were engaged there was no question about it. But them when my uncle was getting married, he came with his family, and my cousins arranged for both of them to meet 
inside the house ofcourse, just nani ammi dint know, but i think she like shook his hand or something. It was stupid 
I think the biggest reason is Izzat. Girls are “innocent” and guys are “untrustworthy”, therefore you cant compromise anything. I think that’s the reason. I never really had the guts to actually ask my nani amman why she wouldnt allow it.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
I don’t understand it either Sadiyah. One of my cousins who has been engaged for 3+ years now, is not allowed to come visit the guy’s family when the girl’s parents come over to the guy’s house. When I was in Pak, the girl’s family came to visit us and I asked where the girl was, and they were like oh she is busy. Later on I found out it is considered improper for her to visit. Maybe it is considered “be-sharmi” who the heck knows! But she can go to parties/events at the guy’s house just not when there is a family : family visit involved. I can never understand our backward customs so ran the hell outta Pak
With me of course it was the weirdest scenario. I couldn’t go to my then fiance’s sister’s wedding because we weren’t “officially” engaged in a huge party set up! It was the most bizare thing my parents and I have heard of in our lives. But my parents bowed down to the relatives’ wishes and I was not allowed to go to my sis -in-law’s wedding. Needless to say I was furious and wanted to catch the next plane out of Pak.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
So it's a precautionary measure and because it's considered baysharmi both on the guy and the girl's part. So why get engaged in the first place?
I find it mind-boggling. Why not have nikkah done then? According to desi/Pakistani culture, nikkah is like engagement, as the couple is really not allowed to do anything till after rukhsati.
Shouldn't the families be okay with the two seeing each other with their families around with supervision? Isn't it far easier and better to annul the engagement because the two don't seem to get along or don't feel attracted rather than going through an actual rukhsati to see how well the two can do together.
Besides khandans fighting each other, chachi and mami saying stuff and the other side getting offended is nothing unusual in our culture. This stuff happens even after marriage and causes a lot of tension.
Also, with parental and adult supervision, I don't see much wrong with getting close/getting to know each other. I thought that's what engagements are for. Ie. to wait till rukhsati, to see how the families and the larka and larki are like.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Sorry, but that’s a bunch of bollocks…i mean how close can they get when their parents are rite there!
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Um, not all engaged people see each other with their parents supervising and watching their every move ... whether it is 'right' or not is another question.