I get to hear it quite often, but I would like to know why?
I think whenever I’ve tried asking, I’ve been told it doesn’t look good or it isn’t nice, but that’s basically about it.
For instance, it’s frowned upon to have the girl visit the guy’s house with her family and vice versa. It’s okay for the parents to visit each others’ homes, but not for the guy/girl to visit each other.
What’s the desi wisdom behind it?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Its just a desi tradition. As long as both families are aware of their gathering, there is nothing wrong with it.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
What's the reason behind it? Why is it so frowned upon?
It's not even the couple meeting alone for lunch or dinner, but it's the two seeing each other at their houses with their families around.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
^ yeah i get that a lot too…
i think its cus everyone knows ur like “together” now they’re waiting for opportunities for u to stuff up and get out of line… so they can be like “shadi se pehle hi ithna kuch karte the.. baad mein kya hoga”.. crap like that
we always meet 
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
I’ve thot about this too for a while… went thru a phase where i think i wud be happy doing the “blind marriage” thing coz i was too afraid 
but I think it simply has to do with the fact that relationships are volatile…parents of daughters don’t want them to get attached to the guy until she’s married to him because then there’s less chance of them breaking apart than if they wer ejust engaged… basically they shudn’t meet/talk too much because of the emotional attachment that may or may not fade…
My mommy said i can meet him and talk to him and stuff (fone and IM defintiely, not sure about actually meeting alone).. she wants me to like him and be excited and know what i’m getting into 
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Well, I don't see any specific way that is right in this regard. From my own experience, altough I have been brought up in Pakistani culture all my life, I have asked my mother to let me and the prospective girl speak to each other for the soul reason to see how she looks at life and its various aspects. I believe this is what I need to know.
I have never put forward a demand that I want to meet the girl in that manner (Dining or dating etc) before marriage. Yes, families meet together and I'd consider visiting their home with my parents or if she would come to our home with her parents.
A few decades before, when people didn't develope unique priorities in life. Career was not demanding to the extent of hindering the marital life, media had not influenced the minds of people to the extent it has today, social and religious values were held valuable..............There are many factors that need to be considered and a few, for sure are to be dealt in that matter
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
qadar kho daita hai zoor ka ana jana...
engagement is just engagement. you are spoken for and not yet taken. its better to be reserved until married. that doesn't mean no meetings at all.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Most parents don't allow the boy and girl to meet before they get engaged because they have no relationship yet. They promise that they can meet and get to know each other once they get engaged. But once they get engaged, they still don't let them meet. I think that's the best time when they should meet and get to know each other before they get married.
Coming back to your question: Why don't both families like to meet? The best reason I can think of and what I've heard from family members in Pakistan: When families start meeting too much after the engagement, one might say a little too much even jokingly or share secrets etc. and things can get out of hands and it can come to a point where they have to break the engagement. So, to avoid that point and to prove this superstition false, they prefer not to meet. Na hoga baans, na bajey gee baansuri.
Ofcours there are exceptions but this is what I've heard from people in Pakistan. May not be true in all cases and may not apply to everyone :)
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Sadiyah ji, I don’t think anyone’s parents will object to that. Rememebr, this is a pre-requisite according to a hadith of ou prophet (PBUH) that the prospective husband wife must at least once see each other’s face.
Please remember that Islam discourages free mixing of boys and girls in that manner (going out etc etc). And engagement is just engagement. I think it is not even mentioned in Islamic sources. What if the engagement is broken? What if someone breaches the boundary of engement?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Nuh uhhhhnnnnnhhh… i even told my ammi “i bet ur saying this n then ull say NO!” and she said no no no… ammi wudn’t lie to me
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Again, it's not about the two meeting alone. It's about how it's supposedly wrong for the two to visit each other even when the parents are around. I've never really heard of 'well the families shouldn't visit each other too much', but I get to hear 'dekho.. abhee to sirf mangni hoee hai tab bhee dono aik doosray kay ghar aatay jatay hain (accompanied with parents)... acha nahi lagta na'.
Also, I'm speaking from a cultural perspective and not a religious one.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Also ther’es a diff btw “dating” and “meeting”… i personally wudn’t meet alone, i’d talk on the fone and email n stuff, but if its gonna be meeting, i’d like to hav ppl with us 
Ok i just re-read the last part of ur post, u want cultural perspective, not religious 
well uve gota multitude of reasons here… becoz its still a kaccha relationship, so u dont want to take too many risks with ur heart and reputation.. ur parents r just looking out for u thas all 
n watever u do , if ur parents are happy wiht it and ur happy with it, that’s all that matters… :k:
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
There is nothing wrong with it.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
There's nothing wrong about families visiting each other. But like I said before, I guess they are afraid that the more they (families) meet and get informal, more chances that someone will offend someone and one thing can lead to another and it might come a point where they have to break the engagement. Superstitions :)
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
This one i’ve never heard, i have to admit…but wot I do hear a LOT is that, u and ur fiance/fiancee shudn’t meet the future in-laws on ur own…that u shud go with a family member, preferably parents or sibling…and the reasoning for this is supposedly it doesn’t look nice n all that…i personally don’t have a problem with it, i feel better going over to their place with someone…but as far as this thing that the couple cannot even visit each other while their parents r present seems a bit extreme…perhaps if one or both families r very strict then they mite think it’s bad for the guy to see the girl before the wedding…sometimes, in the beginning, i used to feel weird seeing my fiance when we were altogether with our families…but they have no objection to us meeting each other, they of course want us to meet IN FRONT of them…but haha we see each other alone too I don’t think it’s wrong at all for the couple to see each other WITH their families around…but i guess it just depends on the family and how strict they r or something.
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
ill come back and answer once i get engaged :D j/k
Desi's wisdom is basically CAUTIOUS i guess! Our parents are so much scared from now a days society that first they try to get their kids get engaged earlier and then bound them not to see each other!
Other than that agree with Shikki's and Kashmiri's reply!
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
Not meeting would defeat the very purpose of engagement, no?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
^Yes
but have to keep in mind it has to be under some limits!
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
before i open my keyboard's big mouth and shove sunlight ...u want islamic explanation or mine?
Re: Larka & larki should not meet after engagement!
In my family the couple in question usually doesn't meet or talk prior to nikah
But then again our family doesn't practice any kind of mixed gatherings ....its all segregated so there's no chance of seeing each other in case of family gatherings etc. All my uncles l(n my father) live next to each iother ...n my two sisters are their daughters in law too ....they got engaged a while ago ....but they never talked to each other until after nikah ....(the second one had her nikah last weekend :) )
But there's no specific prohibition from parents ....we all just know it!
:)
There have been a few couples who used to talk a lot ....but thats a rare case ...n no it wasn't frowned upon...n not much discussed!