So this inspired from the thread about what language do you speak with your spouse or would speak, and the choices given were urdu, punjabi, english and so.
I was wondering what about those who speak english with their spouse or at home in general as a fashion or out of modernization. This is very common in the west and I hate it. I prefer not to call such people “pakistanis” or where ever they belong to.
Also those who are born and brought up in the west lack that fluency of their mother language, and so when they get married and have families, they speak english most of the time. (No offence to anyone who belongs to this category.)
Well my point is, I personally, would be very uncomfortable with my spouse if he spoke english full-time or most-of-the-time with me. For me it will be really hard to have a good understanding and communication with someone who did not know how to speak my mother-tounge very well or did not like to speak it, eventhough I can too communicate in english quite well. Because, afterall, language is the basic key to communication.
What do you guys think about this?
P.S. This thread is open to discussions about marriages among different nationalities and races.
A very common complain from the women who marry guys from Pakistan . On the other hand the guys who marry girls from Pakistan , doesn't complain about it much . Mostly because guys try to learn both English and urdu/punjabi/etc . Somehow women are most status conscious and think that it won't be cool if they'll know or speak mother-tongue .
I know a lot of goray who marry Asians and are perfectly happy . Most of them learn Chinese/Japanese later on . Soooo all I want to say is that it depends lot on the amount of effort you want to put in . You can improve your English and bit and he can work on his Urdu .
I think it becomes a barrier when you use too much vocabulary in your conversation
when I got married the MIL used to ask me to bring tooth pick for her and she used to use such a difficult word of urdu for it. Never in my life I heard that word and to date I haven’t been able to memorise that word.
similarly , for stair case they used the word zeena. Now that was another new word for me.
There were so many new words for me and me being the only punjabi in the house I always ended up looking stupid
You prefer not to call such people "Pakistani"....and you think that their speaking of English is done so out of fashion or modernization? Yikes. Don't lump everyone in the same category.
I'm not married. But when my brother and I started preschool...which was taught by British teachers....in English......my dad was concerned that we'd have difficulty picking up English if only urdu was spoken at home. He was also concerned that we might jumble up the two languages. So.........my dad decided.....that from that day onwards he'd speak to us in English....and my mom would speak to us in Urdu. The arrangement worked out beautifully. We're fluent in both languages.
Even today....my siblings and I speak in English with our dad (out of habit...not out of fashion or modernization)....mostly urdu with mom. And we (my siblings and I) speak in English with one another. My parents also speak Punjabi. So, in my home...there are 3 languages running simultaneously....and I feel a sense of pride that we can speak and comprehend them.
My mom during the summer holidays....would teach us Urdu. So, we can write and read Urdu as well.
Does it make me less of a Pakistani because I speak mostly in English with my siblings? Being a Pakistani is more than just speaking the language. I ACTUALLY have cousins in PAKISTAN who feel more self-conscious about being Pakistani and will proudly say that they can't even count in Urdu.
To each his own. If you'd rather have a spouse that can speak to you mostly in Urdu....then so be it. For me......I don't have an issue with having a spouse who has a grasp of both languages. If I have children in the future.....I plan to teach them both languages (English and Urdu)......and I would encourage them to pick up even more languages (Arabic....Spanish....French....what have you). All languages were created by Allah....and I've always found languages in general to be fascinating.
There can be people living in the motherland who can have the least amount of pride in their ethnicity....and can even be enemies of it. It's unreasonable to use language as the only indication of how Pakistani a person is.
I was wondering what about those who speak english with their spouse or at home in general as a fashion or out of modernization. This is very common in the west and I hate it. I prefer not to call such people "pakistanis" or where ever they belong to.
What if you speak English at home because that's what your mother tongue is? I was born and raised in the west, so was my mum...why would I be speaking English out of "fashion or modernisation"?
I'm not fluent with Urdu or Punjabi, I understand the languages just fine but I can't speak them very well. Actually, I sound down right embarrasing when I try to speak them that's why I try to avoid it...so does that not make me a Pakistani?
speaking in english vs speaking in urdu,punjabi,sindhi,pashto,etc have alot more to do with your level of comfort and desire to communicate and alot less to do with "modernization" or being pakistani.
there are couples who only speak in english with each other but the guy treats the girl like crap and sits around watching tv while she cooks, cleans, irons his clothes, cleans up after him at dinner etc. guy is only responsible for groceries cuz girl can't drive to the grocery store and doesn't have finances to be able to pay for it anyways.
is that more modern than the punjabi speakin couple who share all responsibilities of their household equally and treat each other with love and respect???
i don't think so.
reason girls are more conscious about whether they speak with the spouse in english vs urdu is because the guy more comfortable communicating in urdu is usually stereotyped to be the guy who will treat his wife like property and be the typical male chauvinist while guys who speak english are stereotypically more aware of the changing roles of a female in society and maybe more aware of women's rights, feminism, etc.
guys who marry from back home don't complain about speaking in english vs urdu cuz those girls are stereotyped to be more flexible in adapting to the husband's lifestyle. they'll slowly pick up whatever language the hubby speaks more comfortably. they'll start dressing whichever way the guy appreciates more. they'll even start looking different (whether its getting blonde highlights or covering with hijab) depending on guy's preferences as time passes by.
A very common complain from the women who marry guys from Pakistan . On the other hand the guys who marry girls from Pakistan , doesn't complain about it much . Mostly because guys try to learn both English and urdu/punjabi/etc . *Somehow women are most status conscious and think that it won't be cool if they'll know or speak mother-tongue . *
I know a lot of goray who marry Asians and are perfectly happy . Most of them learn Chinese/Japanese later on . Soooo all I want to say is that it depends lot on the amount of effort you want to put in . You can improve your English and bit and he can work on his Urdu .
EXACTLY, on the other hands gora's take it as learning new culture and they do learn !
name_105, wow your logic of not accepting English speaking people (at home) as "Paksitani" has stripped citizenship from my kids. Do you consider people who wear pants-shirt or trouser/top at home Pakistani?
Whats next? people speaking punjabi, sindhi, pashto, balochi at home are not Pakistani either?
I know people who can’t speak Urdu and are still proud of being Pakistani so interestingly enough who gave you the right to label who is Pakistani and who isn’t?
What a stupidly mind-boggling point to make :halo:
For me it will be really hard to have a good understanding and communication with someone who did not know how to speak my mother-tounge very well or did not like to speak it, eventhough I can too communicate in english quite well. Because, afterall, language is the basic key to communication.
What do you guys think about this?
I don't agree.... good understanding and communication depends on the level of relationship, not on the language you speak. Aisa hota tau common language walon kay jhagray hotay hee nahin.
I know i didnt like this 'pakistani' labelling right either, OP have you been outside of pakistan?
Ek language mey communicate karney ka faida kia? Agar samney wala 'baat' hi na samjhey.
Yes language is important in communicating but understanding what is 'conveyed' to you is more important rather than the language its being communicated in.
My SO and I talk in English because both of us talk to people in English outside of family. I started talking to my Pakistani friends in Urdu much later, after a certain level of closeness was reached.
I want to make sure Urdu stays a part of my life, and I would want to be able to talk to my husband in Urdu. That is why him and I have been trying to talk in Urdu more. At this point though, it feels a little awkward because he is a LOT more articulate in English.
'No offence' but who are you to decide who qualifies to be a Pakistani or not?
And what do you have to say about those who live in Pakistan yet speak English and act more English than the Queen?Typing in English?I you are so Pakistani and against English, why type in it aswell.
Indeed it is.