Ladies, do you deny your husband??

[AnjanaSaDil]

@redvelvet

Hi Anjana,

Here’s what I think. There has to be compromise in a marriage. Plus…sexual intimacy will be more enjoyable for BOTH partners if there is mutual reciprocation. I’m not a guy…but I don’t think that sex will be too enjoyable for a husband if his wife is not returning the excitement/emotions. If she is too tired to even “fake” reciprocation during sex…i doubt it would be much fun for him.

I understand that there are ahadith saying that a woman should try to tend to her husband’s sexual needs. But the Prophet SAWS has also emphasized that the best man is the one who is the KINDEST to his wife. Similarly…the Prophet SAWS also said that men shouldn’t approach their wives like animals for sex. There needs to be compassion and understanding in the relationship. Our religion emphasizes decency and gentleness in character. Also, in Islam things are not black and white…or extreme…we’re advised to take the middle ground. Judgment (who is going to heaven or hell for what deed or lack thereof)…is way toooooooo complicated. I believe that Allah knows what is in our hearts…He knows when we give situations are best efforts…and He will look at multiple factors when judging us.

Anjana…try to reflect over why you’re feeling tired. For women…sometimes a dip in iron levels can cause us to feel lethargic. So, make sure that you’re eating a multivitamin and a healthy diet. If you feel that you are tired because there are so many household chores to do…then try to get your husband to help you out. If you both split up the chores…you might have more energy to engage in physical intimancy later on. If you feel unmotivated because you have some complaints about the sexual intimacy itself…then try gently making suggestions to switch up your routine a bit (if you’re feeling bored). And compromise with him. If you feel too tired at night…then offer him another time during the following day that would be more feasible for you. That way…you’re not rejecting him completely (so his feelings won’t be hurt)…and also you’re proposing an alternative solution.

RedVelvet: Thanks so much for your mature and sound advice. i was actually WAITING for your response, as i’ve seen around GS that you give the most excellent advise on your posts. unlike MOST of the ppl who responded to me, u didnt attack me or bring me down. i was starting feel like “my goodness all u GS ppl, sorry if i have a problem im dealing with and sorry that im not perfect like all of you”…they are so judgmental!!
You redvelvet i feel are a REAL person with feelings and not faking or being rude on this forum, and for that i appreciate you.

and to reply to your post about my situation…lol, no i dont have an iron problem or anything like that. blv me its not like i want to deny him ALL the time. lets say that only 1 time out of 20 time is when i REALLY dont feel like it, u know? …so its not really a PROBLEM in my marriage…i was just wondering the religious aspects of the situation, as i really dont want to gain gunaa (sin) from a small reason like denying my hubby just because i’m feeling a little moody once in a blue moon…u know?

once again, thanks!