I am in serious kind of depression etc. I have been in love since 3 years with girl who is v keen to me as well. After 6 months of our relationship her family engaged her with the cousin of his brother in law (husband of elder sis). Girl loves me and she wants to marry me.
But problem is this that her family doesn’t marry their girls out of cast. More over her engagement is happened on such a sensitive place where her elder sis is married. She is very caring of her family as well mine. She doesn’t want to hurt her parents that’s why she is more with them besides me. In fact she has not enough will power to go through the circumstances. She prefers to gave up instead of struggling as she has not stamina to bear the reactions.
We have disclosed our relationship to her brother and sister who married over there she is engaged. She is facing v tough situation under depression. Her brother and brother in law have decided to meet me for the reason.
Well meet with them and then decide what to do. Frankly that is one ****ed up situation. She is engaged. This is not a bollywood movie where you ride in rescue the girl live happily every after.
I don't have a good feeling about this meeting. I hope it's not a meeting where they try to dhamki you into staying away from her.
If her family/parents don't allow marriages outside of caste.....I wonder how different would the views of the brother/BIL be from her parents. If the parents are adamant about this rishta....and this girl can't/won't stand up....then there's little that can be done.
She should've spoken up before her engagement. I mean you are meeting her fam now too, arent you? why couldnt this be done prior to her engagment? If things are going to get tough for her and her elder sis due to this situation, I would say you should try n move on. I mean, you should go ahead and meet up with her fam, and that would be trying your best...if things don't get anywhere after that, then it would be time to let go.
I still have a hard time understanding this “caste” system I’ve heard being mentioned on here. I thought caste system was primarily a hindu thing. Can someone explain this to me? If you are both muslims, what does caste have to do with anything? I guess I must be missing something.
Well I can understand differences between different sects like sunni, shia, agha khani, ismaili, etc.. cross marriages there would create problems for some families, but I have a feeling the OP is not even referring to that. I guess this is just a "class" thing then? Who has more of a financial advantage?? Or is it more that that?
well, first off, i don't understand. if she really loves u, y didn't she try speaking to her parents? i mean i understand that u guys r of different castes but by wat u posted, it seems like she didn't even give it a shot. she kinda automatically assumed that this marriage won't work out and got engaged. secondly, if her bro and bro-in-law r wanting to speak to u, maybe u guys have a chance? don't give up and tell her to not get depressed. iA things will work out between u guys. But u have to remember, u gotta fight for love, which, seems like u guys didn't really do.
oh well, good luck!
well, first off, i don't understand. if she really loves u, y didn't she try speaking to her parents? i mean i understand that u guys r of different castes but by wat u posted, it seems like she didn't even give it a shot. she kinda automatically assumed that this marriage won't work out and got engaged. secondly, if her bro and bro-in-law r wanting to speak to u, maybe u guys have a chance? don't give up and tell her to not get depressed. iA things will work out between u guys. But u have to remember, u gotta fight for love, which, seems like u guys didn't really do.
oh well, good luck!
That is because she really doesn't love him angel. Put it this way, if she gave up that easily he really isn't that important to her.
I was trying to avoid the issue but Nam is right. The woman gave it up. She basically said through actions you weren't worth it. Let it go.
Go get drunk and get laid. Best advice you will ever get :D
my advice is that if u do meet then do so with a back up of ur friends NOT ALONE.
because if the whole caste system is in here, as well as the fact that she is now engaged...then what is now left for u? are they thinking they will meet u to see if ur a good match etc? then marry u to her?
but she is engaged?
no, i dont think its for a good reason why they wanna meet u. be careful.
Is she still staying in contact with you after her engagement and telling you that she loves you, wants to marry you? Because you said that she gave up on you, so it makes no sense for her to stay in contact with you and say such things. If she is doing that, then I’m sorry, but that girl has no shame- to continue leading you on like that, telling you she loves you, not fighting for you, and being engaged to someone else. You seriously want to be with someone like that?
If her brother and sister know about the relationship and are older, they could have supported you before. The older sister would try to prevent the engagement from happening because it can affect her own home. IMO, the sister and brother have told your girl to move on and want her to marry her fiance. Her brother and BIL, two men, are going to meet you… I’m not getting a good feeling. They’re likely going to tell you stay away from the girl. And if they say that, have some self-respect, tell them to tell her to stop contacting you so you can move on.
Well I can understand differences between different sects like sunni, shia, agha khani, ismaili, etc.. cross marriages there would create problems for some families, but I have a feeling the OP is not even referring to that. I guess this is just a "class" thing then? Who has more of a financial advantage?? Or is it more that that?
nahin it's what family you belong to since generations ...ever heard of syds, shaikhs, jatts, kashmiris? etc?
@OP i think she has already given up mate, you're the one who is holding on to a lost cause IMO ...I'm sorry to put it so bluntly
She certainly is engaged, there is nothing much you can do. Until or Unless the girl takes up a step and opens up her mouth!! but If she was so Gutsy she would have done that before gettin engaged! So the fact is that there is probably no way out of this except letting her go... or asking her to take up a bold step for ur true love which i doubt tht she will..
think about her position, she cant jeopardize her parents Respect and her sister's marriage, jes coz of what she personally wants.
I am in serious kind of depression etc. I have been in love since 3 years with girl who is v keen to me as well. After 6 months of our relationship her family engaged her with the cousin of his brother in law (husband of elder sis). Girl loves me and she wants to marry me.
But problem is this that her family doesn’t marry their girls out of cast. More over her engagement is happened on such a sensitive place where her elder sis is married. She is very caring of her family as well mine. She doesn’t want to hurt her parents that’s why she is more with them besides me. In fact she has not enough will power to go through the circumstances. She prefers to gave up instead of struggling as she has not stamina to bear the reactions.
We have disclosed our relationship to her brother and sister who married over there she is engaged. She is facing v tough situation under depression. Her brother and brother in law have decided to meet me for the reason.
Kindly place your positive tackling advice.
Your post suggest you are 'anaari'. By LP thread, "immature".
Sorry to be blunt. But being honest for you to understand.
You got in to the relationship with her knowingly (or not) they do not marry their girls out of cast. Wrong or right, so be it.
You cannot make her at fault for being engaged to someone else.
She is a girl. And she expected you to be the man.
Don't blame it on her. (Read the bold part)
As far as meeting goes, not sure what you should do unless you give more info.
Just to give you a friendly advice. Forget her. Find another one to fall in love with.
There are plenty of girls in this world with great heart, mind and body to look for. She is engaged dude. Leave her alone.
Let's just say: You missed the boat (or a train). Wait for the next to hop on.
If you want to make it work, you have to persuade your families. You can't sit back.
Both seem to be wrong assumption and approach in my humble opinion.
A- She might not have a choice and was not strong enough heing a woman. Many women all around the world are helpless..east or west, north or south. Not just this particular one.
B- Trying to involve his family could make it more complex issue.
