Killer situation

Lifestyle Relationships
21

Re: Killer situation

I suggest not to leave your parents in any case.

You can get better wife but you cant get parents back.

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Re: Killer situation

You all are by your own words mentally incompetent.
This brain tumor you claim to have, is it a diagnosed condition by actual medical personnel or is it something you imagine you have? Because if you DO have this illness, and you have a wife who is non supportive of you despite it (beating you up..SERIOUSLY?) (must be said : "be a man" -RUSSEL PETERS) , then I don't think you should be considering how good your physical relationship is or how you won't forget her later. You have bigger issues.

23

Killer situation

Do you have any other siblings? Can they not help out with parents? Are they physically dependent on you?

If you are their only help then you dont have much choice.

24

Re: Killer situation

i think this post has been already decided, most of the ladies are going to side with the wife. the thing why did she move there in the first place. she already knew what she was getting into no? it's a business opportunity obviously it's takes some money. marriage is about to give and take. Wendy you might want to learn cycle of life before you say her parent's aren't toddlers or anything else. what if you or your'e husband had same situation. you would ignore them too?

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Re: Killer situation

Well no one can self diagnose a brain tumor... Its diagnosed through MRI... I have an issue with guilt...My wife says she will do anything for me to stay here.. I dont have another sister whose not in Pakistan.. My parents are 68 and 64...both with medical conditions like diabetes Bp heart condition etc and my dad twice injected himself with insulin twice before a meal and went to hypo...my dad cant drive anymore but would ask my chachu to come over sometime if he has to go somewhere.. I feel like I wont be able to forget my wife and will feel guilt all the time I am usually a quiet and reserved person but I share everything with her and have been to alot of places together so its hard for me to forget her and get outof guilt

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Re: Killer situation

what kind of wife beats a guy with a brain tumor? :disgust: I seriously hope this isn’t LTL kind of trolling.

Violence is wrong which ever spouse does it & this marriage isn’t healthy emotionally or physically for u.

Cant u keep a driver for your parents if they can’t afford one? .

27

Re: Killer situation

Considering the circumstances, parents definitely need to come first here.

28

Re: Killer situation

It is NOT her 'duty' to look after his parents (but obviously decent ppl make time for and look out for each other, regardless of the relationship)..
This rubbish about who comes first, who comes second is REALLY grates on me.. There would be a LOT less drama and fighting in families if people just learned to be a bit more fair-minded and objective.. Treating your parents well at the expense of your wife (or husband) is not the ticket to heaven..

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Re: Killer situation

[quote="“WendyDarling, post:7, topic:266649"”]

They need attention badly? What are they, toddlers? I’m sorry. I know many people will disagree with me on this and think I’m a bad person. But your parents are not babies who need to attention all the time. You just said yourself that your parents are busy in their activities and that they travel on their own. :hmmm: They don’t sound ill. Obviously you’d know it better than any of us and I can only judge by whatever you’ve told us.
If you can’t live with your wife and you feel like this marriage is not going to work then just ask for a divorce. But forcing her to move to Pak isn’t gonna fix anything.
[/quote]

[quote="“WendyDarling, post:13, topic:265801"”]

You people need to decide where to live BEFORE you get married. If living with your parents was so important to you why didn’t you discuss it with her before the shaadi? Shaadi se pehle maa baap ka khayal nahi hota, love shove ke chakron mein pare rehte ho … and as soon as you get married you remember ke oh humare to parents bhi hain. Seriously.

You cannot force her to move to Pakistan. Why can’t your parents come live with you instead?
I’ll still say these things need to be discussed and decided before you get married.
[/quote]

Agree..

OP, if your parents just need ‘attention’ that shouldn’t require you moving back..

Honestly if my parents said the same I would suggest ways of keeping themselves busy..

30

Re: Killer situation

Well the parents are weak and old and the wife is healthy. Yeah, it's not her duty, but it is his duty to look after his parents. He can't force his wife to do anything, but he can reason with her, or go to Pak without her, take a hiatus from the marriage, this might give the wife some perspective on living without him.

31

Re: Killer situation

But despite this, according to your earlier statement, your parents are very involved in activities and are able to travel on their own?

Also, do you have the money to hire help for them? A driver and also a live-in maid?

I'm also baffled as to why you don't seem more concerned about the BRAIN TUMOR you have! I'm sure the doctors have already told you exactly what is needed to cure it (you wrote it's curable earlier). Sooooo......what you need medically in order to fight this....are all those meds/treatments available in Pakistan too? Have you already located a Neurologist and/or Neurosurgeon in Pakistan who has the training/qualifications to handle your brain tumor that's comparable to the M.D. you're seeing here?

32

Re: Killer situation

Excuse me, but what situation? His parents are traveling and enjoying their lives on their own :konfused:
My husband would never force me to move to a place I wouldn’t want to be. Yes, marriage is about give and take. Not take and take, which some husbands do to their wives. If, khuda na khasta, my inlaws were to get ill and in need of help from me and my husband I’d never mind them moving in with us.
But parents who behave like little kids once their sons get married are way too common in our culture. That is how fights and arguments start. Oh my parents need me, I need to leave my biwi bache and move in with my parents asap. Even though the parents are healthy and busy in their own activities. Shaadi se pehle chahe aap 10 saal bhi parents se door raho, tab to yaad nahi aate. As soon as you get married it all becomes about the parents??
Seriously, married men need to know that they did not marry a woman for her to do dekhbaal of his parents nor did he marry a kaam wali. If you give respect you get it in return. Bas.
Btw since when are biwi bache second priorities???

33

Re: Killer situation

And to all you people who're saying that a wife is replaceable. Please. Grow up. Or just don't ever get married.

34

Re: Killer situation

How have they sided with just the wife when they've clearly said beating him is wrong??? The VAST majority of the girls on GS don't give biased one-sided advice supporting their own gender.. See Nadz threads for many many many other examples.

35

Re: Killer situation

LOL.....yea I've always been very amused by this. Plenty of men out there have no problem living in a different country while they're single for YEARS. Yet once the wife joins in the picture, all of a sudden they can't bear the thought of their parents living without them and MUST move back to Pakistan asap. Amazing how helpless the parents become as soon as the man becomes a husband.

Oh yea....of course, nothing ever gets mentioned about the wives parents. I guess parents of girls must be some type of superheroes who are more than able to live life without their daughters. They don't get old or sick.

** Disclaimer: Yes I know that not ALL men are like this. The above comments pertain to only a specific type of men. I am well aware of the fact that MANY men do NOT hold such hypocritical views.

36

Re: Killer situation

This is Nadz world and we just live in it. you can not compare anything to her.

37

Re: Killer situation

When did i say they are second priorities? if they were he would have been left by now? if parent’s were healthy enough i agree with you , no question what he should do, but from him posts it looks like they are not.
why did she move in the first place though? everyone and every thing was settled?

38

Re: Killer situation

if you were honestly a person who had issues with guilt, you'd feel more responsibility towards your aged parents than your healthy wife.

A man who cannot strike a balance between parents and wife is no man at all. And a woman who cannot do the same between her family and husband is not worthy of being a wife either.

and whether or not brain tumor can be self diagnosed, it seemed as though you did a lot of diagnosing of who was mentally competent and who wasn't in your initial post. Apparently everyone in your family is incapable of thinking, in your own words. so don't take offense if I say that given that they are incapable of thinking, please do not be the villain who forces his parents to give him their life savings to start a business with little input and maximum output.

and FYI, there is no business in pakistan with little input and max output. everything requires a LOT of effort all over the world. it's called the economic recession.

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Re: Killer situation

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40

Re: Killer situation

[FONT=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif]Well her dad has a 40 yr old wife a 5 yr old daughter and a 23 yr old sun.. I love my wife thats y i m writing here otherwise i wouldve gone straight back...without any openions.. I m taking meds for my tumor which is available in Pakistan aswell.. Another thing i m not forcing her to go back coz she would prefer living here over me... Must tell here that i provide her with everything she ask for and take special care and give attention when i m in pakistan as we lived there for 6 months.. My parents were never out of my mind and i have mentioned abt that earlier some people here are not very good analysts as they are giving comments without reading everythin or may b they forget easily.. I love my wife and i cant forget her, i knw that coz of my past qurrels and temp seperations.. My parents r not kids but i have an issue of guilt as i mentioned earlier... (many factors) and yeah she wont gimme time if ill go back she ll forget me in half the time.. Need solution not gender bias commentary and for some people i must tell pehlay 3 rutbay maan k hote hain than bap ka or phir biwi (as per my knowledge) but anyway the prob is if i leave her i cant forget her if i dont i feel ashamed as a son..