How do you view it?
What if your child was involved in such a situation
do you blame anyone?
Is it personally acceptable for you?
Re: Kids out of wedlock
I do not think it is an honorable situation to be in. I would like to raise my children to not get involved with anyone before marriage in a way where something like that could happen. I blame the parents to a certain extent...perhaps they were too overbearing and protective so their child, when given the first opportunity, got into a mess. Or the parents were too liberal where they never set the right values. Sometimes it's just peer pressure, a child's own weakness.
No, it is not acceptable to me. If my child ever got into a situation like this, I would be upset, but I would never abandon my child. Eventually, I would be a silly ol' nani and welcome my grandchild with open arms.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
Not really acceptable but I wouldn't disown my child.. I would make them take the responsibility of bringing him/her up tho, not give the baby up for adoption or keep it some dirty little secret.. It wouldn't make a difference if it was my son or daughter..
Re: Kids out of wedlock
So would you make the two people involved get married?!
is that the right approach? what if it would not be the ideal marriage...would just make it happen due to the situation?
Re: Kids out of wedlock
How do you view it?
What if your child was involved in such a situation
do you blame anyone?
Is it personally acceptable for you?
Like in pretty much most situations, blame is pointless. And it won't matter whether I find it acceptable or not; it won't make the situation disappear. So if I had a child and that was their situation, I'd like to think I'd take the pragmatic approach; do what was necessary. Ensure they take responsibility for their actions, be supportive but ultimately let them resolve the situation for themselves, and if that means them being a single parent, then so be it.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
So would you make the two people involved get married?!
is that the right approach? what if it would not be the ideal marriage...would just make it happen due to the situation?
Yes I would want them to get married. We wouldn't know if it will be ideal until they get married. Now they have a common purpose, a child, to keep them together. If they can't make this work then I doubt if they can make anything work, unless of course some prince came riding on a unicorn and lifted the girl on his burly muscular arms and all that good stuff.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
Princes on unicorns, ha, awesome imagery.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
No, I wouldn't want them married off to each other - unless they actually wanted to.. imo it would be the 'easy' solution but if they don't like each other (tho of course they should have thought of that sooner) it would be more than likely they'll quickly divorce or end up having a totally dysfunctional marriage..
I don't think kids nowadays would necessarily stay together out of a sense of obligation or to 'do the right thing' for the child anyway or if they stay together but sleep with others cos they would rather be with other people that would create an even bigger mess.. I think I'd rather my daughter or son's illegitimate baby was brought up in a good environment, not a 'fake' cobbled together setup that the kid will realise is a sham when they're older..
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^but...in this society ppl will question that baby..and will any other man/woman accept the baby as their child?
nikky- but what if u know from the outset that it just wont work?
eltopo- i agree, blamings not theway!
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^To be honest I think what would prob happen is that if it was my daughter's baby we'd bring it up as a family and she'd stay at home till she's older/wiser and can stand on her own two feet or she meets someone and I think they'd be able to bring it up together.. If it was my son I'd make sure he was seeing the baby regularly and paying some sort of maintenance, if he was at college/uni and wasn't working I'd make him get a part-time job to help the mother out..
Not sure what u mean by 'this society'.. I wouldn't live in a desi area anyway (in the UK), too much gossiping and backbiting, people focusing disproportionately on what the girls are getting up to, wearing etc. I'd rather stay away from all that craziness.. Obviously desi friends would prob make comments but as long as they're not rude (eg. call her a sl*t) I wouldn't be that bothered, u have to shrug it off and get on with life imo, not wallow in self-pity..
I know this is not true with 99.9% of desis but with other groups if a guy/girl falls in love he/she doesn't usually run a mile if they find their new partner already has a kid.. I don't really care if my son/daughter brings home someone black, white or anything else, as long as they're a decent person - and if there's a kid involved that person must be able to handle the extra pressure and responsibility..
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^To be honest I think what would prob happen is that if it was my daughter's baby we'd bring it up as a family and she'd stay at home till she's older/wiser and can stand on her own two feet or she meets someone and I think they'd be able to bring it up together.. If it was my son I'd make sure he was seeing the baby regularly and paying some sort of maintenance, if he was at college/uni and wasn't working I'd make him get a part-time job to help the mother out..
Not sure what u mean by 'this society'.. I wouldn't live in a desi area anyway (in the UK), too much gossiping and backbiting, people focusing disproportionately on what the girls are getting up to, wearing etc. I'd rather stay away from all that craziness.. Obviously desi friends would prob make comments but as long as they're not rude (eg. call her a sl*t) I wouldn't be that bothered, u have to shrug it off and get on with life imo, not wallow in self-pity..
I know this is not true with 99.9% of desis but with other groups if a guy/girl falls in love he/she doesn't usually run a mile if they find their new partner already has a kid.. I don't really care if my son/daughter brings home someone black, white or anything else, as long as they're a decent person - and if there's a kid involved that person must be able to handle the extra pressure and responsibility..
Are you really of Pakistani ancestry? Do more people like you exist? lol :p
Re: Kids out of wedlock
No, I wouldn't want them married off to each other - unless they actually wanted to.. imo it would be the 'easy' solution but if they don't like each other (tho of course they should have thought of that sooner) it would be more than likely they'll quickly divorce or end up having a totally dysfunctional marriage..
I don't think kids nowadays would necessarily stay together out of a sense of obligation or to 'do the right thing' for the child anyway or if they stay together but sleep with others cos they would rather be with other people that would create an even bigger mess.. I think I'd rather my daughter or son's illegitimate baby was brought up in a good environment, not a 'fake' cobbled together setup that the kid will realise is a sham when they're older..
If you don't want them to marry then you'd be okay with ending the pregnancy too?
I wouldn't wanna raise my children's children specially when they didn't go through the halal procedure id est marriage.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^No, I wouldn't be ok with abortion (unless it was rape or her physical or mental health was in danger).. I just don't see the point in pushing two kids together if they don't want each other and will prob just divorce or turn it into some sort of sick joke sleeping with other people etc.
It's making the best of a bad situation.. I don't believe in making them marry cos I honestly think it might lead to an even bigger mess..
Bringing up my grandchild (with his parents' involvement obviously) is the best option to me.. why should the poor baby suffer or be given away for adoption because the family are scared of what the community will think? The kid is totally innocent and should have the best chance in life, not be punished for his/her parents' mistake..
Re: Kids out of wedlock
Are you really of Pakistani ancestry? Do more people like you exist? lol :p
:D
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^No, I wouldn't be ok with abortion (unless it was rape or her physical or mental health was in danger).. I just don't see the point in pushing two kids together if they don't want each other and will prob just divorce or turn it into some sort of sick joke sleeping with other people etc.
It's making the best of a bad situation.. I don't believe in making them marry cos I honestly think it might lead to an even bigger mess..
Bringing up my grandchild (with his parents' involvement obviously) is the best option to me.. why should the poor baby suffer or be given away for adoption because the family are scared of what the community will think? The kid is totally innocent and should have the best chance in life, not be punished for his/her parents' mistake..
I think raising the kid for your son or daughter's "mistake" doesn't demonstrate being wise, your daughter or son will never realize his mistake when he is getting away with it so easily, and what if other kids follow his or her coz they knows at the end of the day my mom's gonna make everything settled. That's why I believe they should themselves clean their own mess. I just don't think that this is in anyone's favour.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^And I don't think it's constructive to let my grandchild suffer just to teach my children a lesson..
Of course I would make it clear it's not acceptable behaviour but disowning them or shoving them straight into marriage only for it to break up a couple of years later or have them sleeping with other partners because they don't like each other and didn't want to marry (which I've seen a lot) is not something I'd ever do..
Two wrongs don't make a right imo, the well being of the baby is the most important thing to me, not showing my 'power' or wanting to make them pay for shaming the family name.
I can't think of much worse than my grandchild being brought up in some grotty bedsit with my daughter living off handouts because I've thrown her out to punish her, how is that going to make her change or help her make something of herself to give the baby a good life? What's more likely is that without the family support she'll become a dropout and/or start popping out more babies. A teenage girl (or boy) needs help dealing with their mistakes, not be left to deal with them totally on their own..
Re: Kids out of wedlock
I don't think not marrying them gonna stop them sleeping with other people. lol
And things can go wrong in any marriage so that means we can't get married at all? Surely not.
It's not possible that someone sleeps with a person and denies liking him/her. You are probably talking about 14 years old, in that case, yeah marriage might not be the best option.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
I don't think not marrying them gonna stop them sleeping with other people. lol
And things can go wrong in any marriage so that means we can't get married at all? Surely not.
It's not possible that someone sleeps with a person and denies liking him/her. You are probably talking about 14 years old, in that case, yeah marriage might not be the best option.
So you would throw out your kid and grandchild just so you can show the world you punished them. Very admirable.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
^if not punish, the behavior still needs to be reprimanded somehow?
There are people who are mature, there are other people who are unfazed by such things and move on without even thinking about the affects it might have on the kid.
Re: Kids out of wedlock
So you would throw out your kid and grandchild just so you can show the world you punished them. Very admirable.
I don't have a particular answer to this question......it depends on the age, genders and certain situations.