I am a mother of a 14 month old baby girl and one thing I have been noticing in kids (young and older) is that they no longer say “Asalamoalaikum” when meeting family and friends. Now I am in no way passing judgement on parents because I am a parent myself and that is the last thing I want to do…because most of these kids that don’t say Salam actually have very good parents!
I just don’t get it though. When we were younger, we ALWAYS said salam to our elders or if someone came over or if we went over to someone’s house. I am, however, seeing a trend that is just too hard to ignore now. Kids NEVER say salam to us “elders” or anyone else for that matter.
Even if they don’t say Salam to me, I make it a point to say Salam to them first and even then, I’m lucky if I get a response. The parents of these kids also don’t seem concerned that they don’t say salam.
I can’t imagine my daughter not saying Salam to others (old and young alike) when she gets older. Off course she may not listen to me, but then it is my duty to keep trying to get her to say it until she learns.
What do other parents think? Is this something other parents have noticed regarding the kids of today? Because I swear when I was a kid…ALL kids said salam!
How do you get your kids to respectfully greet others?
I think that is ok. Just because they are not saying salam does not mean that they mean disrespect or their parents are not teaching right things. Kids are kids. They care more about real feelings ans less about protocols. In fact I like that quality in them.
TLK - Ok, fair enough, but at what age do you think they actually should start saying salam? I was taught it was very rude not to say salam so I just have it ingrained in me you know?
I mean, I’m noticing this in kids from about 5 all the way to 18 (no kidding). I actually feel a little disrespected when I don’t get a salam at all (especially from the older kids who should know better).
Maybe at 14 I guess, because then they are aware (and responsible) of their actions. Plus it also matters where they live. If they live in Pakistan, they will pick that habit up earlier as they will be expected to say salaam every where. In west, the only time they are expected is when they are meeting another Muslim family, which is not always very frequent for them. In fact my kids are still confused about whom to say salam and whom not to, as they are born in USA where Anthony from USA can be a Muslim, while Naeem Butt from Pakistan could be a christian. So for most of the part, unless they know the family real well, we need to remind them about greeting protocols when we are visiting a family.
^ Reha, I totally get what you are saying. I have encountered many kids in our family/friends/aquaintances that are shy. Many kids are shy when they are 6 and under. Generally once they start school, they become a bit less shy. This is totally understandable. I’m talking more about kids that are a bit older and also not shy at all.
Being an only child, I was painfully shy as a kid, but my mom and other elders would give me heck if I failed to say salam to any aunty or uncle. I don’t think it is that difficult to greet someone. Even if you are too shy to actually have a convo with them afterwards, you can still say hello/salam.
It is something that maybe could be stressed more…I do believe it develops automatically over time though.
My BFF’s kids are sooooooooo tameezdaar I am baffled at their manners Mashallah. I constantly joke with her and tell her she’s raising my kids for me. Pata nahin kya ghol ke pilati hai
When they were little, I don’t remember them saying salaam right away. Now though, its automatic…they seem me and “salaam reha khala” right away and I get a big cute hug…lol.
its a religious responsibility..to teach our children its a must for muslims to send salam on each other when we meet.
i started teaching them from the beginning..they would out their hands out to shake when they couldnt talk…when they could…they were at the shy age which was ok. young kids r shy.
midget is 4 and i expect him to say salam when we meet …he is old enough. some of my friends kids in this age bracket are still shy..they are still asked to say salam..some dont..thats ok too.
but a 7 yr old, as shy as they may be… are fully capable of getting a salam out.
havent met many kids that age that dont though.. and if they dont… sometimes…its not cu they are shy…but hecause that aspect of greeting hasnt heen stressed on by the parents. …for various reasons.
my 4 year old says salaam on phone but very rarely in person. She gets too shy and even if I tell her to she doesn’t I hope she will get over this shyness as she grows.
My nephews are 2, 7 and 9. Every guest thst enters our home gets their hand shook and salaam. Hugs and Allah hafiz when they are leaving. They have been doing this for as long as I can remember.
My wee one is only 3 and I make sure she says salaam to everyone we meet, as in muslim family and friends and she does so happily. She automatically says salaam when she answers the phone. She is a little monster at home but when we go out she is very well behaved, it’s like she’s someone else.
On the topic of kids not saying salaam, I think a lot of the times kids are just shy or else parents are to encouraging them to.
My two little pre-schoolers say Salam when they see others, or I also remind them how to greet our muslim family & friends. My dad taught both of them how to! When children hear their elders say it they want to do the same. I always say Salam to my friends even when I write an e-mail or text.
I mean from this morning I went into the closet to grab something and my 3 year old rushed in behind me to say Salam to the ‘vacuum cleaner’ ‘Asaaynkum’! I just gotta tell her ‘who’ we really need to say Salam too. Lolz
She doesn’t say it properly but we are on the right path mash-Allah
I fully agree with everything you say. I wonder now if it is a cultural thing as some have said. I live in Canada. I wonder if most of those who responded here that say their kids always say salam are from Pak or middle east where it may be more encouraged? However, that still does not explain how when I was younger kids always said salam (even living in Canada).
Or it could be a religious thing? Khawateen, you mention most of the kids you have seen DO say salam. Is your social circle on the more religious side?
None of the kids I have in my social circle say salam. Their parents are from the non-religious type to semi-religious. We don’t know any super religious people.
We ourselves are semi-religious…but I would think that regardless of how religious you are, teaching your kids the proper greeting and ensuring they follow through would still be something you would do?
Anyway, interesting responses. There is only one kid I have ever seen/met that says salam. He is from my husband’s extended family (we rarely ever see them so he probably has no idea who we are) but every time we do see them, MashAllah he goes to every single person in the whole house, shakes their hand and says salam. May Allah bless him…such a well mannered child. I hope my daughter ends up like that InshAllah!
Exactly the same with my boys. My 10 yr old and 8 yr twins greet every person that walks into our house with a proper Salam and handshake or hug. Upon leaving every person gets told Allah hafiz or khuda hafiz. It’s the same when we go to someone else’s house or over to visit family.
p.s… My children are born in raised in the US, as was I
Candy Apple: i live in denmark. social circle is not very religious to very religious… all kids say salam cept one family where the mother is danisb and father desi. the father tries but its nit a way of life for tge kids so it doesnt get implemented. but we also have anither mixed couple…mother polish and father desi …not very religious..but she insists the kids say salam whenever they meet muslims… its Imp to her.
i mentioned majirity if kids i know do say salam cuz its one of tye easiest things to teach our kids… its almost cuktural… see a muslim..say salam… see a gora…say hi. its a reflex. whats NOT a reflex, atleast for me, is saying hi to muslims. we have our own word for it… why not use it?!
These days my daughter is big on the full “Assalamalaikum.” A few months ago she refused to say anything at all. When she was still a toddler, she would bring her right hand to her forehead immediately to gesture, “salam.” Kids go through phases for various reasons. You continue to practice what you preach to emphasize that is important and remind them of what is the right way to behave. But also avoid making a big deal when they don’t obey, unless it really is a big deal.
Agreed! I never made a big deal or huge stink out of it when my boys were toddlers or pre schoolers and felt shy to greet someone. The main goal is consistency in teaching and setting the example of what is expected.
I hope she will get over this shyness as she grows.
I just gotta tell her ‘who’ we really need to say Salam too. Lolz
