Re: Kids and not saying salam?
kids? i see young men not saying salaam [as if it’s a thing of the past]. may Allah guide us all. aameen
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
we are picky about this sort of thing…we all say salam loudly when we enter the home, even if we know that it is empty.
kids in our family typically are expected to go around the room/house/gathering with hand extended and say salam to each and every individual, young and old alike from the age that they are able to walk.
when they are younger than that they are carried around the room and the same motions are gestured and the salam uttered aloud by the parent. (there are no compromises and those who refuse or exhibit “shyness” are pretty much ignored until they complete the obligatory process.)
I remember one time years ago when my nephew was about 4 years old and for some reason or other he refused to say salam in loud voice. My brother made him sit on the steps outside of the house until he agreed to say it. When 20 minutes had passed and the child was still staunch on not saying it, Ammi got upset and told the brother to bring him inside as it was not good to have a youngster sitting on the front porch. Brother was adamant about discipline but obedient to mother as well so brought the kid inside and made him sit on the steps leading to the basement with the door closed until he was ready to say salam to his grandmother, aunts and uncles. About 10 minutes on the basement steps and he was ready.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
my toddler knows how to say salaam and he’s only 2.5. of course i do have to prompt him and that’s ok, but i think the biggest thing is, he needs to hear his dad and i saying it with no hesitation or embarrassment for him to get comfortable with it too. i find if the adults aren’t on board with it themselves, then they’ll have issues passing it on to their kids too.
and i i agree with the others- if you make a fuss out of it, it’s going to be done out of resentment or anger, and when they can, they’ll stop making that choice. i’d rather it come as naturally and instinctively to my kid as saying hello or good morning. it doesn’t have to be an issue because its really not an issue- its just how you we do things. and frankly, wishing peace on someone is such a beautiful sentiment, i’d have him do it for that reason alone, aside from the “we are muslim and this is how we do it” factor!
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
Mine is 3.5 and says salaam to everyone. No one understands her though so I usually let them know she just said salaam. But that doesn’t matter, I’m proud of her 
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
^ Don’t mind the off-topic post but people are waiting to see your picture in this thread. :chai:
http://www.paklinks.com/gs/all-views/634142-who-is-the-most-beautiful-guppan-7.html
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
I love to say salam to kids prefering over they say salam…
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
Allhamdollilah one of the first words my son said was “sham-kum”, which is Assalamalaikum. He’s 19 months now, and from birth we’ve made an effort to say salam to him when going to collect him from his room after a night’s sleep or a nap, or upon entering the house, we also say salam directly to him when we come home, if he’s not with us. He’s also told to say salam, when meeting any other muslims, or when on the phone to his nani. He doesn’t always say it, but I think he knows its a greeting and I am hopefully it will become habit.
Luckily for us, his key worker at Nursery is also muslim, so she greets him with salam in the morning too. Mashallah. I’m a firm believer of practicing what you preach, and if something is made to be ‘normal’ from the start, it’s less likley to be an issue in later life. It is for this reason I make an effort to pray where my son can see, and yes it can be distracting, or take longer, but I want him to realise prayer is a part of daily life. He now actually joins his hands for dua, and expects you to recite a surah or kalimah.
As for our social circle, its a mixture of very religious, to moderately religious. The kids are all expected to say salam to everyone in the room, its just the norm.
I live in the UK btw.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
My toddler is 28 months and only says “hi” when asked to say salam to people 
We have started to correct him but I know it will take time. But he has a mind of his own…he calls me Akaa instead of mom/ammi/mama. Not sure what it means, or how he picked it up…but that’s what he calls me. So I don’t think its a new things, its just kids are different from each other.
When I was 8 or 9 this aunty pointed out that I didn’t say salam and I was so embarrassed. Since thn i made sure i said salam every time I saw some one 
I tried the same thing on these teenagers (my toddler’s nanny’s kids, also Pakistani) and pointed out when they didn’t say salam to me by saying “Assalamalaikum” really loud. Their mom got mad at them and told them to say salam. This was two years ago, BUT since than they have said salam to me everything time i see them.
Kids and not saying salam?
Whenever we go to a gathering I ask my kids to stay with me till we are done with salams. I’ve noticed they become shy if they are left to greet a large number of ppl in a room on their own and try to run away.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
same here.
my nephews are a little shy but no matter what they always step forward to say salam
i have a 3 month old and i pray that he will also be the same (plus spending time with his cousins will help as well!)
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
I can understand that kids can be shy. Totally get that.
However I feel the greeting part of our identity as Muslims…and I think it’s better to instill it from a young age, so it’s ingrained. Since kids can go through an identity crisis especially where the dominant culture and it’s practices/beliefs are different from your own, waiting to instill the practice when kids are older (like teen years) might be harder for them to adapt or transition into. Maybe I’m wrong, I dunno.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
My kids have been taught the following hadeeth
- Those who say salaam first are the nearest to Allah
Now to bring it into practical application is a bit harder. So we do it by example. We’re sure to say salaam when we meet another muslim and I always say to my daughters, “beta, salaam kehtain hain..” and then they do. Now they are getting more confident in saying it and I’m sure soon, they’ll be just like us.
Also, as parents, we should say salaam to our kids when we see them. Why not make it a habit…then it will become theirs.
It is definitely an important gesture but not “urgent.”
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
Does anybody think that saying salam has something to do with a sense of “identity”?
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
I am on the fence on this, I think that forcing kids to say salaam without really understanding what/why they are doing is pointless. Yes it’s good to start the habit now at a young age but if they don’t say salam but say hi or hello, that doesn’t make them bad kids or the parents bad parents. It is especially harder for people living in the west where the kids are mostly exposed to non-muslim kids. When the kids come of age and understand that their greeting with other muslims is salaam, then yes, they should say salaam. More importantly, I find that parents who spend so much time forcing their kids to say salaam are doing it to show others and not necessarily to instill certain virtues in their children (IMO). These same parents don’t teach their kids to say inshallah or mashallah or alhamdulillah and are mostly focused on one thing, salaam.
Additionally, while I think it’s perfectly fine, too many desi parents INSIST that the kid say these important things in Arabic, WHY? Why can’t the kid say God Willing instead of Inshallah, or Praise be to God instead of Alhamdulillah?
Our rules in our house are that when anyone says something that they are going to do in the future to say Inshallah or God Willing. That we always say Bismillah or In the Name of God before eating or any activity because eating something upon which God’s name is not mentioned is an abomination, when we are done eating or doing anything fun, we say Praise God or alhamdulillah, and when something bad happens we say God forgive us or Astaghfirullah. We don’t just provide lip service, we explain to Lila why we say what we say and what the true spirit behind it is, that we worship God and when we attribute all things, big or little, in our lives to Him, He is pleased and He appreciates us and rewards us.
I dunno, I think some people put undue stress on the small things without really paying attention to the big picture. Just my two cents.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
BTW, a very good thread, I really enjoyed everyone’s responses and learned a lot of new things today, Praise God.
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
Damn .. since you just said it I realized I don’t say salam .. as soon as I enter the house I am like “ammi khane mien kya paka hai” 
LOL or usually I say hi or “kya haal hain”
I think its because we had so much interaction and spend so much time on the outside that we don’t say it and with time we lose the habit. I have noticed my mom say salam to me first and you are right sometimes I don’t even reply because it just feels kinda weird since I haven’t said it in a very long time.
Anyways, I am gonna try to make an effort from now on to say salam or reply … a very good point you raised
Re: Kids and not saying salam?
I’m with aahmed.
I prefer to teach the reasons why we do stuff rather than just impose rules. I find that we get buy in from the child and it boosts their confidence when they understand why they are doing what they are doing.