Ok looking at the subject everyone will think that this tread belongs to the Cafe but there is difinately more to it thats y it is here…
i got engaged about 2 years ago and it was all arranged as my parents asked for my approval and since i had no other likings i said OK. its not like that i was under pressure or anything to be frank i said yes only because my mother liked the girl though she was from father’s side. ok so my fiance started communicating through chat and then by phone. everything went fine but as we started understanding each other and everything she started making me realize that she depends on me more than anybody in my family, consideing i am here in NA and she is in pak. being slow at all this she had to stress on this issue i remember her saying that KISSE SE UMMED NAHIN LEKIN HUSBAND APNA HONA CHAHEYE…
one more thing here that whenever she asks about the family she skips out my mother which makes me really mad. now i am thinking that i did this all only bcoz of my mom and above all my mom never says a word whenever i call her send her something or anything but my fiance keeps this MINE agenda on top. although she realizes that i am a proud mama’s boy so if she is trying to work on it from the beginning or what???
i completley understand her dilemma as well and i understand that she will away from here paresnts and country and will have to face alot of problems but…
i am posting it here bcuz it sometimes bothers me and sometimes frightens me as well ke mera kiya hoga…
i am sure all the married guppies must have gone through all this at some point in their lives…
bhai.. subh sey pehlay tou aap aik thunda glasss paani ka pi lain...
chalain sahi.. aab mein aap ko aik baat apnay dil sey batata hoon.. yeh subh kuch aap kay khiyaloon mein hai.. i understand and appriciate the fact kay aap nay apni ma ki choice ko pasand kiya and your happy with it.. that's good. ... actually that's great..
people can sometimes be selfish.. for the things they like.. or for the things that matter to them... hosukta hai kay aap ki fiance ka yeh "MINE" propaganda is just to get ur attention.. maybe u dont' like it but its reality she wants ur attention.. (everyone tends to do this at one stage of life.. )
so relax yaar .. zindagi enjoy karo. aisi baatoon ko dil per na lou chill karo.. abhi sey fikarain tumhain ley dubain gi..
i hope i do make sense.. ( i usually don't, so srry if it all seems weird to you) :)
Hi BkB.
Some girls or i've to say many girls want attention
from her bf/fiancee/our husband.
That's normal i think but it don't has to be to much
u know. But i think like Ansoon said ur fiancee want
ur attention.
but don't u guys think that all she has to do is ask if she wants the attentoin...cus by doing this she is creating soubts in my mind right???
aansoo bhai wel said... lekin yaar problem yhe hai ke i am very laid back kind of a perosn to abhi se agur problems nazzr aaye to iss liye aisa laga...
ab ronay dhonay ki zaroorat nahee bachay.
do one thing, why dont you try preparing her mind as well. jitna woh karay, utnee tum bhee karo. pester her with how much you love mom and cant leave her, and how you look forward to having a nice wife, just like mommy dear wants it etc.
agar is qabil ho gi toa khud hee inkar kar daiygee.
agar nahee ho gee to yanee dab gaee, aur phir samjhoa baat bun gaee.
i mean… …yaar umair bhai…woh aapki mangeter hein…unqa huq bunta hai aap per huq jamaane ka …and yeah she does want attention…
i mean…u know how desi larkiyan are…
woh apne aap ko aapki family ka part samajh rahi hein…and thats natural…i mean…humaare samaaj mein…
or jahan tak is baat ka sawal hai keh she doesnt ask about ur mom…to jese unne saaf saaf bola keh bus shoher apna ho…etc…aap bhi apne baare mein unhe batao…keh aapke dil mein kya hai…
behter hai abhi sub kuch clear ker lein haina..
tell her keh aapne yeh faisla apni ammi keh kehne pe liya tha…not that u dont like her…
par u love ur mom or woh jis cheez mein khush us mein aap khush…
and tell her saaf saaf keh shes gonna have to respect and love ur mom…n treat her jus like HER mom…
or yeh bhi bolein keh ur mom has nohing against her n she loves her…so she shud in return…treat her respectfully…jab shadi ho jaye to…also add keh u know shes gonna do that per u were jus beyaaning ur dil ka haal …lol
make sure u make ur expectations clear unke liye BEFORE marriage.
arrayy …we do understanddd naaa ..lekin dunya mein sub log hi is phase se guzarte hein…n i know keh ur great at keeping a balance…
munieb bhai humesha aap ki is baat ki taareef kerte hein…keh aap life mein sub cheez ka balance rakhte ho…
trust me…time keh saath sub sahi ho jaye ga
u jus need to talk everything out with ur fiance na
Just once, mention her how you feel when she doesn't ask about your mom. She needs treatment asap, otherwise it will be late dude. She must be getting tips from her mom or other women in the family. I know this khichri thingie very well.
important and honest communication abt all issues in a polite manner, even if they r kinda awkward issues, is most important ... jus talk to her and explain to her how u feel k she is not being respectful towards ur mom...u never know maybe she is trying but u have a different perception of her actions? good luck :-)
i agree with smooth_guy.. i reckon u should just be upfront about it. The stuff girls moms tell them back in paki can be nasty..
just talk to her, be nice and tell her how ud love to see ur mom and her get along u dont have to be cruel or anything about it.. discuss ur mom with her… and inshallah she’ll get the point herself.. if she doesnt.. just tell her :k:
Thanks guys for all the replies, i guess there is n't a better solution than communication in these kind of situations..... i am gonna give it a try for sure. :)
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by bhoot ka baap: *
Thanks guys for all the replies, i guess there is n't a better solution than communication in these kind of situations..... i am gonna give it a try for sure. :)
[/QUOTE]
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There are a few complexities with your situation that you need to address right away. Granted you accepted the proposal because your mom likes the girl, were you actually ready to commit? Did you do it to please yourself or your mother? It doesn't take much to know that if you don't make these kinds of decisions for the right reasons, you live to regret.
Tell your fiancee how you feel. Let her know that you are dearly devoted to your parents (make sure you include both mom and dad else you'll only fuel a fire that has been burning for centuries) and that you would want your spouse to be too. Just as you would be close to her parents. Make your feelings/fears clear to her and clarify things before they become bigger issues.
…yaar umair bhai…woh aapki mangeter hein…unqa huq bunta hai aap per huq jamaane ka 
…and yeah she does want attention…
..lekin dunya mein sub log hi is phase se guzarte hein…n i know keh ur great at keeping a balance…