Just out of interest ....

Lifestyle Relationships
41

I don't know why most of you are treating Sobi as if she is the first person in the world to question her own fidelity. She is most certainly not the last one. There are countless people in this world who have trouble staying faithful to one partner. If this was not so we wouldn't hear about extra-marital affairs, swinging lifestyle, wife-swapping and in many cases, divorce.

Just signing the nikahnama or the marriage license, does not mean that the person is born-again with a different mind and a clean slate. Or assuming that a girl/guy will somehow find such a perfect person that she will never ever think about another person. This is all a whole lot of nonsense. Those who have experimented with pre-marital affairs (with or without sex) and especially those who like those experiences, always wonder if they will be able to remain faithful to one person for all their lives. Many a times they do and many a times they realize that they can't. This is not condoning of extra-marital affairs, just stating the obvious.

Due to our cultural and religious influences all of us, try to make marriage a lasting one and learn to compromise on some aspects to achieve a stable family for our kids. Having a lasting marriage has many secrets and good physical relationship can be one of those. There is no denying it. Whether sex is the single primary factor is open to debate and personal choice.

42

am i?

Who is Stella?

You are mocking marriages
why dont you ask your parents if they did bed hopping or wife swapping to entertain themselves?

desire to ?
to put your mind in place and talk some sense into your lil head?

oh please!

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

quit acting all miss lil innocent
we all know you arent that

the fact that you responded with another post that clearly shows your childish approach towards the subject is in itself dim

and thanks for wasting your time and bothering for responding when you could have totally ignored

43

[quote]
Just signing the nikahnama or the marriage license, does not mean that the person is born-again with a different mind and a clean slate.
[/quote]

Ofcourse not
but if one enters a relationship with the thought in mind that I am not even going to try to be faithful
then it is advised that they dont bother entering into the relationship in the first place

Getting married is a serious thing
Thinking of oneself and oneself alone is a selfish act

Relationships come with children too
and what good it is to bring children into this world if you are going to act like a bed hopping slut infront of em
deprive them of their father?

Children need a stable home environment to thrive in
A mother and a father who are committed to each other

they dont need to feel insecure just because their parents tend to get bored with each other

such ppl shouldnt even think of having kids

[quote]
Or assuming that a girl/guy will somehow find such a perfect person that she will never ever think about another person. This is all a whole lot of nonsense.
[/quote]

There is no such thing as an ideal partner
hence the word 'Ideal'

But committing to one person is another thing
not all have the guts to commit

relationship needs hard work
loads of hard work

You need to understand your partner
help them understand you
voice your opnions, your likes your dislikes
be considerate bout their likes their dislikes

be not afraid to speak out whats bothering you
communicate with them and think positive

put every inch of yourself into the relationship

You dont get everything presented to you on a Silver Platter
you have to work hard to acheive

[This message has been edited by Anchal (edited June 28, 2001).]

44

Dearest Sadi, can I please recommend soemthing??
I havne't read many of these replies (they're so long!) so pardon me saying it out of the blue if it has ummm nothing to do with the content of the rest of the guppies, but:
remember the play which was out a few months ago by the name of The V@gin@ Monologues??? (I had to use "@" cuz apparently i get STARS if i type the word as it is. try it, you'll see what i mean)
well, .. it's out on book now ... as paperback.
Wrt this topic you posted , i'm sure it has something to do with it.

The way I see it ... chances are that if you're insecure about something or someone - it's not the problem in that someone but rather, it's the problem in yourself.
Yes in my case too, and other peeps I know of.
& so then it's a matter of working on yourself .... to improve youreslf ... to be more of a secure person in the relationship (if at all).

& I so think The V@ginA Monologue can help you out!!
Or check it out at least from Foyles or wherever you go when it comes to books.
But give it a shot ... i dont' think any woman in particular will regret reading that ..
& it's not a kinky kinda book either , you won't regret reading through it. unless you have already

[This message has been edited by kohalic (edited June 28, 2001).]

45

Sadi, don't get married just for kids...like someone said , there are others ways to have kids. Adopt one or find a cute Brit sperm donor? or may be French/latino/Italian ....wot ever u like:)

More like four weeks in my case

i hear ya:)

Roman, i skipped the male sexuality chapter and now reading about paraphilias. Let me finish this and then we'll discuss your problem thoroughly.

BoSS, during the 60's when feminism movement was at its peak many feminists tried multiple commitments. But it turned out that in such commitments women are always at loss. I remember my women studies professor telling us stories about how she ended up cooking, cleaning and doing blah blah for two men....nayyyy thats silly. A no no to serious multiple commitments....casual ones are fine...like going to the store trying some outfits and then buying one (at a time)...
and yea you are right, auratooN ka bi dil hota hei...aur mardooN se kahiN baRa hota hei...es mein eik waqt mein buht kuch sama sakta hei:-P

Anchal, you are mocking people a lot recently about their lil heads.
I take that you are a big head? give me a favor....get a measuring tape and measure your head for me...please...pretty plz:)
And come on bava, what is with these "ask ur mummy daddy", and "Slut" comments....where has that cool sensible Anchal gone?? Do something to bring her back....we like that Anchal much better over this bitchy house wife laraka paRosan kinda woman....sigh

46

Naik, what's 'paraphilias'? You must always remember my vocubalary incapabilities when discussing my problems for complete thoroughness.

47

[quote]
Anchal, you are mocking people a lot recently about their lil heads.
[/quote]

mocking seems to be the flavor of the month

[quote]
I take that you are a big head? give me a favor....get a measuring tape and measure your head for me...please...pretty plz:)
[/quote]

which head would you like for me to measure?

[quote]
And come on bava, what is with these "ask ur mummy daddy", and "Slut" comments....
[/quote]

I made it pretty clear a few days back that I will not sit here and let people get away with personal attacks
So if anybody takes the liberty of personally attacking me, i will throw it back at their face

everything should be fair, hisab barabar

[quote]
where has that cool sensible Anchal gone??
[/quote]

lying doesnot suit you
leave it for others

[quote]
this bitchy house wife laraka paRosan kinda woman
[/quote]

well I am a bitchy, I am a house wife ..i just dont have parosans to larai with sighz

[quote]
we like that Anchal much better
[/quote]

bola na dont lie it really doesnot suit you

I miss Jawaan
he sometimes made such sense out of people

48

Lots of interesting points here.

Look at this way: sex is the glue that makes a marriage work until all the rest falls in place. Then the novelty wears away but every couple gives it the status that is comfortable for them. Other things take over as the glue and sex needs to find its place in the scheme of things.

You can't really decide how important sex is until and unless it is easily available. If you have had no experiences it may all be wishful thinking. If you have, but are not married, things may change when you are.

49

SS,
It would take too much time and we'll have too much opinions here about relations between husband/wife. Every relation is custom made and difficult too compare.

Having sex with your partner is just one chapter. So let's not discuss the relation, but stick to the original question you asked ;

I think there's a big difference how men and woman experience sex. In general (if such a thing is possible) woman handle sex with more emotions then man. A woman needs a relation with a man before she..........
A man can have sex with a woman and forget her as quick as he met her.

So to answer your question :
No, it doesnt get boring. It changes, the frequency lowers while the quality improves.

If you meet the right person you will not be bored, sex is absolutely not the most important thing in a relation.

"partner swapping parties..........????????"

I thought i was the one living in The Netherlands.

OK, here's your question : Have you ever heard of sex farms? Yes, it's true and i'm abs. not joking. It has to do with that swapping.

50

OK, for all those out there who think that I’m the bggest slapper to have walked this planet, go ahead think what you like. I haven’t got where i am in life by taking into account what every Aamar, Akbar or Anthony thinks of me. The responses so far have just opened up my eyes as to just how closed minded some of you are … and how hardly any of you have got a sense of humour

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Actually, it’s so funny sitting here watching you get all hot and bothered over silly comments that I make to cause a fuss. Honestly, yer pakis have got to stop taking everything so seriously !!!

** Just cuz i questioned whether married couples find it easy to stay faithful does not mean that I’m encouraging loving couples to cheat **

You guys never cease to amaze me. One question. If Roman or NYA or Channji or any of the other old blokes had started off this topic, would they have had to contend with half of the criticism that’s been thrown my way?

Brother Peacemaker got it in one when he said:

  • Just signing the nikahnama or the marriage license, does not mean that the person is born-again with a different mind and a clean slate. Or assuming that a girl/guy will somehow find such a perfect person that she will never ever think about another person. This is all a whole lot of nonsense. Those who have experimented with pre-marital affairs (with or without sex) and especially those who like those experiences, always wonder if they will be able to remain faithful to one person for all their lives. Many a times they do and many a times they realize that they can’t. This is not condoning of extra-marital affairs, just stating the obvious. *

Some of us have strong marraiges, others don’t. Some of us have strong religious beiefs, others don’t. Some of us have strong moral codes, others don’t. We’re all individuals, wth personal judgements and these judgements make us unique. Just cuz you don’t have the same opinions as me doesn’t mean that ur views are in any way superior to mine.

It’s actually really strange cuz my parents have one of the strongest marriage that i have ever seen, so i do have alot of faith in the institution of marraiges, yet i am not prepared to accept that ** everyone ** will have a perfect married life where they wil ove and cherish and remain faithful to their loved one. I’m a sociologist - its my job to question ideals !!!

Naiks, no worries girl. The likes of Anchal can say and think what she blahdy well likes. I don’t let Anchal’s twisted mind get to me cuz I know what she’s goung through. The bored housewife syndrome can get utterly depressing can it not?

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

I can think of a few ways to spice up ur famiy life a little … why not start by spending more time with your kids and less time on the net, boring us with detais of what a perfect famiy life you have

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

You guys need to learn more about British sarcasm. Looks to me as though the only people to have realised that I was taking the piss are Memsy and Xtremesy - what a strange coincidence, they’re both brits !!!

And for the record, no I’m not into extra marital affairs and no i don’t encourage wife swapping parties (yet

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

)

51

Nah sorry, ur wrong again.

Ur the one who started it with the personal attack. And no actually, they’re not even personal attacks … just personal opinions - are they allowed?

Stop taking everything to heart Anchal. Smile a little

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

52

Just for the record - this Brit doesn’t believe in bed-swapping or having extra marital affairs.

Any man/woman who cheats on their spouse must be the biggest ‘slapper’ put on this planet.

For once (and once only) I have to agree with Anchal here, Marriage and commitment go hand in hand and are very serious matters. You wanna joke about it then go ahead, but at the end of the day she is married and you are not, hence you know as much about marraige as I do about neurosurgery

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

53

hey sobi … you know there’s always the kuma sutra as one of the resorts to make it still work …

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

54

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/eek.gif

Oh, at least somebody noticed coz I had noticed something similar in another thread.

woh qatl bhi kartay haiN to charcha nahiN hota
hum aah bhi kartay haiN to ho jatay heiN badnam

ha hye

55

shayad shair ulta likh diya hai

56

Mannnnn! People like Anchal and CoolDude need to take a chill pill!! Relax. Don’t take it to your teeny lil hearts guys!

Anchal for starters can learn to stop lecturing about t/ dos and don’ts of a marriage, on her family lifestyle i.e. what she and her whollllle family had for dinner t/ previous night! We are all well aware that you have an opinion on everything and anything, but just cuz you spend all your day infront of a keyboard, doen’t mean you have to type everything that comes into that brain of yours!
Ciao

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

Sadi, when I was single and yur age, I felt t/ same things specially t/ terror of going thru an arranged marriage w/ whom I’d never met, yet going thru t/ marriage rituals if u know what I mean

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/wink.gif

. Now that I am married, somehow it all fell in its place. I guess it’s like a “Karhai fry murg” which needs not one but a mixture of t/ right ingredients depending on what you want from him and from life!

In my case, I refused to settle down for second best and accept evrything as my “kismet” specially as I was growing up in Pakistan where everyone prays for t/ girl’s “Achii kismet”. You make your own “kismet” and heck, you are your “kismet”. Worry not, you will figure it all out eventually. At least you have a good example of your parents marriage. I’d say you’re luckier than most right there! Good Luck

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

p.s. If a guy had asked t/ same questions none of you would be having these moralistic fits. So plsss, Chill!

[This message has been edited by FunkyDesi (edited June 29, 2001).]

57

Funky smoooooooooooooooch

kahan thi tu? bara miss kiya main nay tujhay

Sadi may God be with you my child

like i said before you have to be in it to understand it

pehlay khana pakana seekho bad main shadi ka sochna

58

Anchal quote: **Funky smoooooooooooooooch
kahan thi tu? bara miss kiya main nay tujhay

Sadi may God be with you my child

like i said before you have to be in it to understand it

pehlay khana pakana seekho bad main shadi ka sochna**

Ewwwwwww, keep your smooches to yurself girl. If you aint gettin’ any then find one of yur chamchis’, but keep me out of yur fantasy smoochin world shudders This ain’t Pakistan where people like you can touch and smooch anyone they want to and get away w/ it.

Miss mee?? I mean moi??? Girl unlike you I dont live on t/ net/Gupshup! Anyway, gotta go, got real work to do!

O by t/ way, since when did “khana pakana” become t/ requirement to get married?? Take a lil time to chk out t/ world outside Gupshup, it has evolved!!

I am sure you’ll love to come back for t/ last word as always. But I understand, you gotta get yur kicks from somewhere

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/dixsi.gif

[This message has been edited by FunkyDesi (edited June 29, 2001).]

59

Awwww Anchal, meri jaan, tum to chothi chothi baatooN per naraaz ho jati ho yaara…wo shair ne kiya khoob kaha hei…

chothiyaaN choThiyaaN galaaN uttay inj na tu rusiya ker
jehRay tere kam nai chanda, oo kam na tu keriya ker…

mitti paao on every thing(these bewaqoof ppl will never understand ur POV) and give me a big smile…like this ------>

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

and give me a favor bava…a friend of mine is throwing a big party here in ny in first week of august …and i have no idea what to wear…sigh…will you please help me picking up an outfit/jewelry n blah blah…plz…i don’t wanna wear anything grey silver n black/white…something colorful:)

Sobi, i like your smile girly:)

Roman, meiN ne koi Thaeka liya hova hei aap ko educate kerne ka…huh…get a dictionary or go to www.dictionary.com

60

Funky hope you are feeling better after your weekly venting off

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

I wont dampen your spirits so you can gloat in the basking glory of having the last word

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

Naik meri jaan, naraaz hoti hay meri jooti
just following the latest trend around

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

NY? i thought you moved? no?
could you specify blah n blah
just wanna double check with my blahs and blahs

no lachas this time around?

Anchal ‘dya go’ Guppie