Just out of interest ....

The idea of an open marriage is not new, and having multiple sex partners before settling down has also been around since way back. Young folks are curious and always find attraction in something new. Just think of when you first learned to drive, even going to the corner grocery store to pick up a pack of milk was a long way for you to walk. As you grow older, you find out that walking is preferred over spending half an hour to look for parking. With experience and age, things take different turn.

I am married and before passing judgements to sluts (sorry) I can share why I personally feel that it is not always true. Sure there are times that one finds someone attractive and fanaticize sleeping with that person, but those are just harmless innocent thoughts. If two people find comfort in each other, sex is not the primary force that keeps couples going and be in love for rest of their lives. Infact, a couple can have a great sex life, but there would be other areas where things don’t work out. So sex alone is not the only thing that keeps couples attracted towards one another. Sometimes, the sex part takes a backseat and other issues predominate. It all depends on the circumstance.

It is only natural that you get bored so easily at this stage in your life. May be in a few years you might change your outlook and look for other things in your acquaintances. You should also note that whether or not you realize it, they also might only have a temporary attraction towards you as well.

Sadi,

You will not get bored if u find the right person. Person u marry doesn't remain the same they change and grow along with you, shared goals and experiences with the right person make relationship strong and great. Sex is not just a fun and reproductive, it is bonding mechanism...that is the reason people who indulge in frivolous sex get hurt, when they break up.

Key to the whole thing is to find a person who makes your heart go fast and u like them physically and mentally.

Then Sadi my girl you have to be in it to understand it

a woman's body is a one man's temple
and his temple alone
For him to worship from head to toe

Now if you want your body to be every other man's brothel thats your decision but

Sex is a sacred act between two individuals

5 years of intimicay and 6 years of knowing each other
there hasnt yet been a single dull moment in my life

perhaphs you are looking at the whole thing from a different prespective all along

[This message has been edited by Anchal (edited June 28, 2001).]

even though i dont consider you credible enough to understand the relationship bw a husband and wife
i will still reply to your post

what if, either husband and wife somehow are not able to have sex anymore?
what then discard them off?

wrong again my dear
Many relatioships start from friendship and end in love
So there was something other then sexual attraction which was the cause of their friendship
You dont make someone a friend just because he has blue eyes, dark hair and is tall and handsome now do you?

lets not mix apples with oranges here
Opposite sex here can be a father, brother, uncle and friend

One is emtionally involved with them too
doesnt mean you get sexually attracted to them just because they are of the opp sex

I feel very strongly about Benazir ..would that make me a lesbian?

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

To summarize, girl you havent got a clue as to what a relationship is
hence your childish apporach towards the matter

just wait a few years, do a bit of growing up to do and then come back and read the thread
perhaps all this would make some sense

I feel very strongly about Benazir ..

Please share the details.

sab day samnay dasaan kay ...?

Sadi
Teri shadi kab hogi??


--I know I'll be a King One day, When Im Dead, They Gonna take me on their shoulders, Just like a King--

Sobi*but I'm immature and nadaan so i'll probably be having numerous extrmarital affairs. *
Even though I am a paki but I think I should rest assured that you would never be 'taken'..I'm cool with that....

Amber** . **
How can We help Amber to lift this self imposed ban? anybody?

Roman*Please share the details.*
Anchal please spare us the details...Dude she is talking about 'Benazir' (like hello?...she ain't no Venessa Williams)

ciao
BoSS

NYA, I hear where ur coming from but i don’t think you reaise how dfferent it was for you … whereas you chose ur future life partner and knew that ur interests and emotions towards her would never change, many desi marriages are arranged. I might well end up gettin hitched to someone who I might not have a thing in common with. Once the physical aspect of married life becomes boring, who’s to say the other aspects of our lives will keep us together? And by the way, i never said that men aren’t capable of getting bored with me

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Rani, Yep, totally agree with you. Like I said, I’m immature and have got sh*t loads of growing up to do. My minds always been too spontaneous to stay interested in one thing or person longer than a few months - who knows if this will ever change …

Anchal, Hang on a bit, ur jumping the boat slighly are you not? Just cuz I questioned whether partners find it difficult to stay faithful does not mean that I’m the the next Stella

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

Don’t know what i said that offended you so much … I guess I must have cut open some old wound …

It’s really not my fault ur having such a tough time of it at home and feel the desire to … oh forget it …

Anyway, you seem to have totaly twisted everything I said and in all honesty I can’t be bothered to waste any more of my time repeating what you’re too dim to understand.

Boss, yeh like I’d let a smelly Paki near me

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/rolleyes.gif

hmmm…u already have some around u…just look around and u’ll c…

this thread clearly showz ur mentality and yeah u do need a lot of growing up…i don’t think this life-time would be enuff 4 u to grow up so letz all have better hope 4 u..in next life…


Alf Allah Chunmbay Di Booti…Mere Maan Vich Murshad Lai Huu..
Naffi Asbaat Da Paani Mallaya…Har Raggay HarJai Huu
[Sultan Bahuu]…

How can We help Amber to lift this self imposed ban? anybody?

BoSS, also, how can we help Sobi to get over her self-proclaimed (and solely followed) sense of superiority over Pakis?

I think Sadi Sobi is clearly suffering from the American Desi Syndrome...

Wife swapping parties... are u nuts? Your parents seem to to nice people (sweet of 'em wanting u to have ur own kids), and all you can think of is getting bored with sleeping with the same person over and over... wow!

Smelling Paki??? I wonder what type of "George" or "Frank" youll marry... don't they smell too?

BTW, I totally agree with Dervaish's comments.

Bye and don't any of this take seriously,
Haydur


You can only paint with the colors you're given...
...so get what you like and like what you have.

Bacho ghussa na karo...Sobi dil ki buri Nhin hain. I hate that kiss smily otherwise I would have used it here.

boss

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

okay i will try to remember what i said earlier.. and then some..

Just wanted to know cuz i’m the sort of person who gets bored reallllllllllllly easlily and I tend not to remain interested in the same guy for longer than a few months so I’m dreading getting hitched.

sadi thats an understandable feeling.. but when you meet somebody who does it for you might have your hands full and you wont get bored.. i guess you’ll have to grow as a woman and figure out what is it you need and what your priorities are and what you want in a partner..

Do married couples fantasise about sleeping with other people?

i think ppl fantisize.. but if they act on it.. is another matter..

Does it become like a routine wham bham session after a few years?

it could be.. but then its up to the couple.. you make it what u want.. sometimes even your not even capable of having sex.. so there would be other things.. that keep you with your partner.. dont you think?

, I know i’ve diverted from the topic slightly but what I’m trying to say is that sex (or other forms of physical intimacy) play one of the most significant roles in making a relationship work.

its just one.. its not the only thing.. there are alot of other dynamics to making a relationship work.. when your in for the longhaul you’ll have the pleasure of finding out..

  1. I want kids
  2. I want kids
  3. I want kids
  4. My parents want me to
  5. I want to get loads of pressies

and you know that you dont need to get married to have kids.. esp i guess if your considering having extra marital affairs as well..

Nah seriously speaking I think one guy at a time should keep me busy … but I’m immature and nadaan so i’ll probably be having numerous extrmarital affairs.

see and that can get emotionally taxing as well what if you cant accept what you have for what it is.. or the other person cant..

I might well end up gettin hitched to someone who I might not have a thing in common with. Once the physical aspect of married life becomes boring, who’s to say the other aspects of our lives will keep us together?

whose to say it wont? its very valid to have doubts.. but i really think you can have all your needs met by one person.. and i guess your going off with the assumption that sleeping if thats what you mean by phyical aspect with one person will get boring. and it might not be the case.. its a gamble either way.. but.. be a little realistic and work with your partner rather than looking outside to get what you might not get inside the relationship.. if you communicate with them.. who knows… they could be feeling the same thing wrt you.. and this is all hypothetical ofcourse..

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

so what of the 7 year itch?

Oh my god.

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/frown.gif

sniff sniff
Aand this is why I’ve missed you

khi khi khi Sadi Sobi - you never cease to amaze me or get me in stitches of lafter!!

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hehe.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hehe.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/hehe.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/biggrin.gif

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/ok.gif

sadi,

You seems to intelligent and confident person not afraid to ask difficult questions and thereby exposing yourself to criticism. I can see u struggling to find yourself, this is great.

Sitting with a wise therapist and figuring all this out will be very valuable. Keep posting on this forum and some of us will try to answer you as honestly as we can.

I wish u all the luck.

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif

[This message has been edited by juMurA (edited June 28, 2001).]

About that wife swapping parties. Don’t know if they are real for desis or not but a real story here.

Once two friends lived in a city called ludhiana. Mintu and Titu. They were freinds since childhood. Grew up together and did lot of stuff together but still were two different personalities. Then they both got married to two girls from two different places and stayed friends for few more years. One day during a moment of serious discussion Mintu told Titu how he does not like his wife. He wishes his wife was mroe like his(Titu’s) who is always smiling, cooks good food and so loving. At which Titu laughed and said yaar I always wished my wife was like your wife. She is so beautiful and she takes care of your parents so well while mine is always complaining, morever I like food at your house more than our won. Both friends realized how they were lattoo at each other’s wife..and probably would be happy if they were married to each other’s wife instead of their own. So they did. They asked their wives and they were of the same view. So they divorced and re-married.
That was a news under “dilchasp khabraN” in some paper few years back. I hope they lived happily ever after.

kai vaar injh vi ho jaanda ay.

Roman, can you be my wife at one of these parties? I promise I will buy you a new joRha and sonay da haar.

http://www3.pak.org/gupshup/smilies/smile.gif