I have just got married a couple of months ago, and I am feeling really down at the moment.
I work about 10 hours a day (including travelling). I am expected to make dinner every night for my husband and mother and father-in-law. After that, I have to wash up and clean up. I don’t get help from husband or MIL.
At weekends I spend most of my time cleaning and cooking. The house is always left in a mess. Husband is very lazy, for example he just takes his clothes off and throws them on the floor, he is last out of bed, and leaves it in a mess.
I tried talking to him about it, and he said he is stressed with work, and he wants to come home and just relax.
My MIL is ill, she is diabetic. I do not expect her to help me, but it just would be nice if my husband picks his mess up.
I am constantly feeling tired, and feels like I don’t get any time to myself.
I have just got married a couple of months ago, and I am feeling really down at the moment.
I work about 10 hours a day (including travelling). I am expected to make dinner every night for my husband and mother and father-in-law. After that, I have to wash up and clean up. I don’t get help from husband or MIL.
At weekends I spend most of my time cleaning and cooking. The house is always left in a mess. Husband is very lazy, for example he just takes his clothes off and throws them on the floor, he is last out of bed, and leaves it in a mess.
I tried talking to him about it, and he said he is stressed with work, and he wants to come home and just relax.
My MIL is ill, she is diabetic. I do not expect her to help me, but it just would be nice if my husband picks his mess up.
I am constantly feeling tired, and feels like I don’t get any time to myself.
Do your husbands have similar habits?
Being diabetic - is not ill. Being diabetic means she needs to maintain her intake and control the sugar by some insulin or tablet. It does not make one "disabled".
I can relate to you regarding job and work and then hubby not participating in house work. It was extremely difficult.
At this time, I am in the "middle phase". I have yet to find out if it was all worth it.
Are you sure u r not exaggerating? I mean I have seen extreme lazy guys helping out wife at least in the initial days of marriage.
and yes, I do whatever I can to help my wife from cooking, laundry to house cleaning and moping. I dont mind giving kids bath. Although my wife is not a working worman (not as of right now) but she gave it up just for kids and house and I think its my duty to help her out in this
I throw my clothes on the floor. I do feel bad about leaving it for my wife to pick up, but I don't think she gets too stressed about it so far as she picks them up once a week rather than daily.
(Which is an improvement on my bachelor days when clothes would be on the floor for 6-8 months at a time)
I did help her with cleaning the house thoroughly this weekend though, so I've assuaged my guilt.
I have just got married a couple of months ago, and I am feeling really down at the moment.
I work about 10 hours a day (including travelling). I am expected to make dinner every night for my husband and mother and father-in-law. After that, I have to wash up and clean up. I don’t get help from husband or MIL.
At weekends I spend most of my time cleaning and cooking. The house is always left in a mess. Husband is very lazy, for example he just takes his clothes off and throws them on the floor, he is last out of bed, and leaves it in a mess.
I tried talking to him about it, and he said he is stressed with work, and he wants to come home and just relax.
My MIL is ill, she is diabetic. I do not expect her to help me, but it just would be nice if my husband picks his mess up.
I am constantly feeling tired, and feels like I don’t get any time to myself.
Do your husbands have similar habits?
Unless they are the types that deliberately make a mess after you clean up, OR they demand a fresh cooked 3-course meal every single night, you can help yourself by not being so crazy about cooking and cleaning? There are a few things that you can do to minimize your time in the kitchen....
Are your husband and in laws okay with you working? Because I find that men who are okay with their wives working tend to be more relaxed wrt housework....if you are finding ti difficult to handle both (work and home), is it possible for you to cut back your hours or quit work for some time?
Also, about your MIL...being diabetic doesnt mean she's disabled. Its okay if you dont want her to work and it wouldn't be wise of you to ask her to help you out :) but don't think of her diabetes as an excuse for not doing anything.
Even the MOST helpful guys feel that they NEED to “Give the opportunity to women” to show them what they got! - meaning how much they know about cooking, cleaning, and scrubbing the toilet.
Guys would no way help out in the initial phase.
Actually, guys ONLY help out during 1st child birth. And then they think the girl has enough experience and DO NOT HELP out for any other child births there after!
Don't allow this pattern of behaviour to continue.
Have a "breakdown", call in sick for a week (or arrange a week off work in advance). During this time have a breakdown. Say u r exhausted from everything, stay in bed and let them get on with it.
This in-laws family of yours survived perfectly well by making their own dinners and cleaning their own mess without u, it doesn't mean that u have to do everything they used to do. U need a BALANCE of responsibilities in your household, so tell them u cannot do it all and suggest ways in which MIL and Hubby can help u. Be very open about it.
Thats exactly how it is with me. Now i know Im not the only one!
I've tried leaving his mess...his mum comes into our room, and picks his clothes up. As he is the only son, he is very spoilt! His mum has been doing everything for him!
No they werent...but husband and SILs (who are married and live in their own homes) said the house has always been a mess. Maybe I should just leave it, and stop moaning!
I throw my clothes on the floor. I do feel bad about leaving it for my wife to pick up, but I don't think she gets too stressed about it so far as she picks them up once a week rather than daily.
(Which is an improvement on my bachelor days when clothes would be on the floor for 6-8 months at a time)
I did help her with cleaning the house thoroughly this weekend though, so I've assuaged my guilt.
Have you talked about it with your husband? In one post you said that once you left your husband's cloths on floor and your MIL later picked them and cleaned the room. Did she make an issue of it later? or she reacted normally. I bet she didn't say a word about it. It seems like for your family (husband, MIL & FIL) it's not a major issue. Since you came from a different environment, to you it looks like they don't want to do anything. Which may be true, but most probably it's just the way they live. I am sure if you talk to them you will find them helpfull.
Have you talked about it with your husband? In one post you said that once you left your husband's cloths on floor and your MIL later picked them and cleaned the room. Did she make an issue of it later? or she reacted normally. I bet she didn't say a word about it. It seems like for your family (husband, MIL & FIL) it's not a major issue. Since you came from a different environment, to you it looks like they don't want to do anything. Which may be true, but most probably it's just the way they live. I am sure if you talk to them you will find them helpfull.
She didnt say anything. I think their just used to living in that sort of environment, where as I am not. I am used helping my mum, and my brothers and dad would help with all the work before I got married.
I thought so. You can’t change their living style over night or in few months. You have to be very patient otherwise it will translated as BOSSY daughter-in-law. Start working towards a change from your husband, as he would be more open to a change. Ask him to make bed or some minor chores on weekends while you are busy doing something else. Start from small tasks. Also on weekends you can ask your MIL to give you hand in cooking. If her attitude towards you is nice then ask her recipes when you are cooking (even if you know it) that will keep her engaged in kitchen with you. Do whatever you do BUT do not criticis their living style as it will only strain your relationship with them.
Also on weekends you can ask your MIL to give you hand in cooking. If her attitude towards you is nice then ask her recipes when you are cooking (even if you know it) that will keep her engaged in kitchen with you. Do whatever you do BUT do not criticis their living style as it will only strain your relationship with them.